SEASIDE HEIGHTS, NJ -  Snooki was on the boardwalk when Irene hit.   She was blown away!

The cast of  MTV’s  “Jersey Shore” wanted to take advantage of Hurricane Irene to get some “radical shots.”  So, they went to the boardwalk on Saturday night to shoot the crew running into the ocean for a minute.

Unfortunately, Irene proved to be too much for the vertically-challenged Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, who was caught in a 60 mph gust of wind and was carried off.  The Situation and Pauly D tried to get to her, but it was too late.

Some are speculating that she was just blown a mile to the east, but others think that she may have blown all the way to Philadelphia.

“I knew she had lost some weight recently, but I didn’t think that she would get carried away by the wind,” said Jersey Shore producer Joe Flazani.  “She must have gone about a hundred feet into the air and then – bam – she was up over the trees and heading toward Bayonne – or Buffalo – I’m not sure.

Jersey Shore producers asked Governor Chris Christie for help in finding Snooki, but the Governor was not anxious to help.  “I told everybody to get the hell off the beach and I meant it.  If  those knuckleheads wanted to shoot on the beach during a hurricane, it’s their own damn fault.  I just hope she doesn’t land in the Governor’s mansion.”

Fortunately, Michelle Obama is a big fan of Jersey Shore and she asked her husband to step in and help find Snooki.   President Obama order the Air Force to send several jets, helicopters and Jersey drones to find the Jersey starlet.

“Snooki’s a national treasure.  We’ll find her.  I found Bin Lade, I can find Snooki.”

If you see Snooki overhead, don’t approach her… just call 911.

NEW YORK – Jionni LaValle popped the question at Distict 36 in NYC and the Jersey Shore star said “Pickles!”

Snooki, the pint-sized star of Jersey Shore got engaged to her equally pint-sized boyfriend, Jionni LaValle (he’s 5 ft. 3 in.)

Jionni’s looking forward to marrying Nicole “Snooki”  Polizzi.  “She’s a good girl,” he told WWN at the YRB magazine cover party for the “Jersey Shore.”

Jionni popped the question on their ten-month anniversary.  Snooki said Jionni was the perfect guid0 – “tanned with a big dick.”

If the two decide to have babies, LaValle said he wouldn’t allow them on a reality TV show but added, “She probably would.”

LaValle did things right.  He asked Polizzi’s dad for Snooki’s hand in marriage.  “My dad and boo bonded,” Polizzi.  “They really like each other.”

“Jionni is great. He is so quiet and isn’t trying to be in the spotlight,” says a friend, although because he’s different, “She wasn’t sure about him at first.”She kept asking her friends what they thought of him.

She was hesitant because he isn’t the typical gorilla.  “But he’s a really good guy.  And I want a good guy.  I deserve a good guy.  And one that will be good to my vagina.”

MTV is already planning a new reality series:  “Little Guidos.”

The Jersey Shore Season 4 premiere earned monster ratings  – a 19.6 rating among adults ages 18-49 and a projected 118 million viewers overall – shattering all TV records.

Last night’s season premiere of the MTV reality series, Jersey Shore, was the most-watched television show in history!

The premiere episode, set in Italy, was also Jersey Shore‘s third most-watched telecast to date, behind two Season 3 episodes. In the persons 12-34 demographic, the Jersey Shore premiere scored a 8.2 rating, or 6.5 million viewers.

The fourth season of Jersey Shore has the tanned-up gym freaks  leaving behind the humble decadence of Seaside Heights, N.J., to return to the ancestral home of the modern age of wonders: Florence, the Italian metropolis that was once home to Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, and many of the other great thinkers and artists of the Renaissance. It’s a perfect mixture of the sacred and the profane, the rough equivalent of asking the Pope to consecrate a row of tequila shots. The famously problem-plagued shoot included delays, Visa problems, fights, neck braces, and presumably a few Bunga Bunga parties.

As the description on Comcast digital guide put it, “violence,” “intensely sexual situations” and “intensely suggestive dialogue” were prevalent.

Here’s J-Woww in FLorence:

Here’s a few highlights of the show:

Snooki shows off a pair of I Heart Vinny underwear as she packs.

“No granatos.” – Vinny, boning up on his Italian and simultaneously conveying what he will not be boning in Italia. Allegedly

“I’ll bring guys home, but I won’t do sex.” – Deena. Lie.

Snooki again with this gem: “Italy’s like that big country. No, Europe is that big country. They have Britain, England, and Italy.”

“Lock up your daughters. Handcuff your wives.” – Mike.

Ronnie and Sammi have an awkward first encounter.

The ladies (term used very loosely) have a nice discussion about breasts.

Here’s the most watched shows in the history of television:

1.  Jersey Shore – Season Premiere – 118 million viewers (2011)

2. Super Bowl XLV — 111 million viewers (2011)

3. Super Bowl XLIV — 106.5 million viewers (2010)

4. M*A*S*H* series finale — 106 million viewers (1983)

5. Super Bowl XLII — 97.5 million (2008)

6. Super Bowl XLIII — 95.4 million (2009)

7. Super Bowl XXX — 94.1 million (1996)

8. Super Bowl XLI — 93.2 million (2007)

9. Super Bowl XLII — 93.2 million (2008)

10. Cheers 100-minute finale special — 93.1 million (1993)

NEW YORK – Casey Anthony and her family inked a deal with MTV for a reality series entitled “Not Guilty: Life After the Truth.”

After considering pitches from two major networks and one cable network, the Anthony family decided to go forward with MTV’s offer.

Casey Anthony wanted to make sure that the show serviced her target audience, which she sees as “people like me.” Her parents, along with her brother, let her make the final decision after a family meeting last night.

George Anthony, Casey Anthony’s father, explained, “Casey has a good sense when it comes to people. We trust her judgment. Of course, we gave her our opinions and let her know how we feel. But ultimately, the show will be about Casey, her recovery and her new life.”

The show will likely begin taping after Casey Anthony is released from prison. MTV News will have reporters at the Orlando courthouse where she is due to be sentenced tomorrow. She has promised the music network her first post-decision interview.

KONA, HI –  WWN has confirmed that Megan Fox married Brian Austin Green on June 24th.  WWN also confirmed that she is still a man.

Megan Fox was born Mitchell Reed Fox in Rockwood, Tennessee, and was encouraged by his parents to dress in women’s clothing and to pursue his dream of becoming a supermodel and actress.  Mitchell legally changed his name to Megan in 2003, but his parents still use his birth name.  Darlene Fox told WWN,  “We’re so proud of Mitchell.  He always wanted to become the world’s most beautiful woman and to walk down the aisle in a wedding gown and now… he’s done it!”

Darlene went on to say that she doesn’t’ feel like she’s lost a son, but instead feels she’s gained a daughter and another son.  Megan’s longtime love Green feels like the luckiest guy in the world because he’s gained a wife and a brother on the same day.

Fox and Green started dating in 2004, but split in February 2009 after a two-year engagement – right after Megan announced to the world at the Golden Globes that she was a man.  But within a few months they had reconciled and Green, 36, popped the question again to Fox, 24, on June 1, 2009.  Green said that even though Megan is a man, she is still more beautiful than anyone on the planet and “you have to make compromises in marriage.”  Megan, who still refuses to undergo sexual reassignment surgery, is ecstatic that Green has accepted her and embraced her maleness. “I’m more in love with him now than I was in the beginning.”

Fox wore a plain strapless Giorgio Armani wedding dress – simple, yet elegant.  One guest overheard Fox saying she thought she looked like Alan Alda in her wedding gown. Alda did not attend the wedding, but he did say that Megan looked much better in a wedding gown than did Corporal Klinger from M*A*S*H.  “It’s not easy for a man to look good in a strapless gown, but Megan really pulls it off.”

Rumors that Fox had a 16-foot train put on her gown because she was born with a two foot lizard tail are not true.  The investigative team at Weekly World News proved the Foxtail story to be completely bogus.

The wedding reception at the Four Seasons was a once-in-a-lifetime experience for the intimate group in attendance. Megan gave a humorous and touching Best Man speech, then tossed her garter.  The couple’s first dance was to a new version of the Michael Bolton classic entitled, “When A Man Loves A Woman Who Is A Man.”

Green and Fox met on the set of the sitcom, Hope and Faith, which became their honeymoon mantra.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – MTV Forces Rogaine on Teen Wolf cast.

MTV is producing a show based on the 1980s cult classic movie, Teen Wolf.

Production began last summer and although it has been described as a “sexy thriller set against the drama of high school life with a forbidden, romantic love story at its core.” Diehard fans of the ‘80s classic still want to know if Michael J. Fox will be involved in the production.

Well now all you Teen Wolf purists can rest at ease, WWN investigators have uncovered that he will in fact have several cameo appearances as his movie character, Scott Howard, but now he’s all grown up, running his dad’s hardware store and has pups of his own.

In addition to the discovery of Fox’s appearances, sources have revealed that the producers of the show have taken very drastic measures to help control expenses. The producers have made the controversial decision to enforce the use of Rogaine on all of their werewolf cast members. Rogaine is being used on the actors to increase the amount of natural hair that they can grow.

The producers were quick to respond to the controversy. “We took this approach to help cut down on special effects costs,” explained producer Marty Adelstein, “the only thing that we have asked the cast to do its replace their shower gels with Rogaine. We really don’t see what all the fuss is about. “

Most of the cast has been taking the request well. “It’s really not that big of a hassle,” stated Tyler Hoechlin who was cast as Derek Hale, an older and dangerous werewolf in the TV adaptation  ”I mean after the first few months of non-stop itching and scratching you just start to forget about it. But it really is a small price to pay to be involved in such an awesome project! I mean seriously, what’s the big hairy deal.”

Additional sources have leaked that Fox has been a bit of a prima donna while on set. It has been rumored that he has been making demands to have a personal assistant whose sole purpose is dedicated to scratching him whenever and wherever he asks.  Ewe!

LOS ANGELES  –  Sammy Hagar, former lead singer for Van Halen, told MTV that he was abducted by aliens.

In an interview for his new book, “Red: My Uncensored Life in Rock” at mtvhive.com, Hagar confirms what he told WWN last week – that he was abducted by aliens.

Hagar said he saw a UFO land in his backyard in Los Angeles and then he was abducted – and raped.

Hagar explained that a passage in the book described what he first thought was a dream in which he was contacted by aliens from Planet Zeeba and then – they came down to California to meet him in person and – rape him.

“It was real,” Hagar told WWN. “They plugged into me. It was a download situation … they downloaded on me, and then they uploaded something from my brain.  They used my brain and my body.”

Hagar goes on to describe another experience at the age of four where he saw an alien space ship in broad daylight hovering over a country field where his family lived.

Some have speculated that rhe rock guitarist and vocalist is just having an acid flashback, but John Malley, the leading expert on the U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials confirmed that UFOs have landed in California.  He also examined Hagar and said,  “Sammy has The Mark of the Alien on his left arm.  He clearly has made contact with aliens from Planet Zeeba.”

Maybe Sammy’s relationship with aliens explains this:

VATICAN CITY -  Pope Benedict XVI announced that the cast of Jersey Shore will be his guests at the Vatican for a week.

Italians may be bracing for the arrival of Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino and the rest of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” cast but Pope Benedict XVI is looking forward to their arrival and has invited them to stay with him for a week.

MTV’s decision to scout locations in Italy for the reality show’s fourth season has rankled Italian-American groups who consider the show a cultural smear.

But Pope Benedict XVI stepped in and said that the Jersey Shore cast is welcome to stay with him at the Vatican and has made available a number of suites for the cast.  The Pope said that all of the cast is Catholic and he welcomes the chance to bless them on a daily basis.

The prospect of hosting the “Jersey Shore” cast—a group known for public displays of drunkenness, brawls and other forms of lewd behavior—has shocked the entire country and Catholics around the world.

“We can’t understand why The Pope would do this,” said Bishop O’Malley of Cork, Ireland.  “They hold none of the values central to Catholic teaching.”

Many inside the Vatican are worried that perhaps Pope Benedict XVI may be suffering from pre-dementia.

But the Pope dismisses all those rumors.  He met with Snooki yesterday and said that the world will see what a positive influence the Catholic church can have on wayward children.

Snooki agreed, “I’m stoked.  You should see the rooms that the Pope set us up in.   Our parties are going to be off-the-hook.  Hallelujah!”

The cast could come in for culture shock. Having grown up with wine at the dinner table, most Italians tend to drink in moderation. They also take pride in social decorum, a concept known as cutting a “bella figura,” or the “beautiful figure.”

And the Vatican will require them to go to mass twice a day.

“Good luck with that,” said The Situation.  “I pray  on my own time, in my own way.  And usually with a girl.”

Zvia Shwirtz, 25, an American student living in Rome, says she can’t wait for the show to come to the Vatican. “It’s going to be hilarious… They are not going to have an easy time here.”

The Vatican will be sending up smoke signals – blue smoke – when the Jersey Shore cast arrives.

NEW YORK, NY -  MTV executives have been arrested for airing their new hit show, Skins, which features minors having sex.

MTV executives have a new hit drama on their hands, Skins, which features the sexual and drug-fueled exploits of misfit teenagers – which happens to be their target audience.

But in their excitement to watch young teens have sex with each other, they forgot one thing – it’s child pornography.

Executives at the cable channel were hauled away by the FBI late yesterday – in front of the Jersey Shore cast.  They were charged with violating became federal child pornography statutes.

A spokesperson for MTV, Margaret Meadow,  immediately issued this statement, “This is awesome!!  We are going to get so much press for this.  Yes, they were arrested, but we  more executives here and we are just going keep on airing the show until we are all arrested and they ratings… soar!”

The Feds were particularly concerned about the third episode of the series, which is to be broadcast Jan. 31. In the show, a naked 17-year-old actor is shown from behind as he runs down a street. The actor, Jesse Carere, plays Chris, a high school student whose erection — assisted by erectile dysfunction pills — is a punch line throughout the episode.

As the actor runs down the street – he stops and shows all the teenage girls on the block his “enhanced erection” and then he proceeds to masturbate in front of them, while they drink Rock Star Energy Drink  (a sponsor for the show) and take photos of him and post them on their Facebook pages.

Meadow said, “MTV has been pushing the envelope for decades and now the envelope is so far away from the table, that we have to push something else, so we decided to push teenage boys with enhanced erections and we think we can push that pretty far, because, we’re MTV and we have Snooki.”

MTV’s president and other executives declined interview from the City Jail, but they did said that the other prisoners in the City Jail had watched the episodes of Skins and “really loved it.”   One inmate, Chuck Wedge, a pedophile said, “Man, I like that MTV is doing something edgy.  I applaud them for bringing real-life drama to the television screen.  It’s ground-breaking.”

“ ‘Skins’ is a show that addresses real-world issues confronting teens in a frank and overly sexualized way,” said Meadow in another statement. “We review all of our shows and work with all of our producers on an ongoing basis to ensure our shows comply with laws and community standards.  And the community that we comply with is – Greenwich Village.

Child pornography is defined by the United States as any visual depiction of a minor engaged in sexually explicit conduct. In some cases, “a picture of a naked child may constitute illegal child pornography if it is sufficiently sexually suggestive,” according to the Justice Department’s legal guidance. Anyone younger than 18 is considered to be a minor.

The youngest cast member on “Skins” is 15.

The show is off to a running start. It attracted 3.3 million to its premiere on Monday night and set a new first-episode record for the channel among viewers ages 12 to 34.

Episodes of “Skins” are rated TV-MA, indicating that the content may be unsuitable for viewers younger than 17. MTV states in news releases that it is “specifically designed to be viewed by adults.” However, many of MTV’s viewers are in middle and high school. According to the Nielsen Company, the first episode drew 1.2 million people younger than 18.

Some people are blaming Miley Cyrus for the corrupting teens minds.  Especially since she decided to pose for Playboy.

Skins will continue to air… don’t miss a minute of it!

Here’s the official – clean – trailer for Skins:

NEW YORK – MTV won’t be able to drop Snooki in Times Square, so she will be dropped on the  Jersey Shore.

In a tragic New Year’s Eve development, there wasn’t room for Snooki in Times Square this New Year’s Eve. MTV’s plan to put “Jersey Shore” star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi inside a ball to drop from the network’s Times Square headquarters has been dropped after an objection by the group that oversees the world-famous celebration.

But Snooki will still drop in as part of “The MTV New Year’s Bash.” Her stunt has been relocated to Seaside Heights, N.J., according to Diane Stabley, borough clerk for the Jersey shore town made famous as the setting for MTV’s hit reality show.

“Like the ball that drops in Times Square, there’s going to be a Snooki ball,” Stabley said Thursday. She said an MTV network crew was in town to pre-tape the spectacle Thursday night.

“We love our Times Square home,” MTV said in a statement confirming the change of venue, “and while we’re disappointed there won’t be a Snooki ball drop there, she cannot be denied!”

Snooki was sent packing earlier in the week by the Times Square Alliance, whose annual gala includes the century-old tradition of dropping its own illuminated ball at the stroke of midnight.

“It was never intended or requested for Snooki to be in the actual New Year’s Eve Ball in Times Square,” said Alice McGillion, the group’s spokeswoman. “The request to have her in a separate ball on a set-back roof came too late and was too impractical to fit in to our outdoor events.”

The Discovery Channel has inked a deal with Snooki for New Year’s Day.   She will be dropped into the Atlantic Ocean in thermal body suit covered in blood.  They will see if they can attract some winter sharks.  It will be part of nest summer’s Shark Week special.

MTV’s 90-minute New Year’s Eve special will be at their Times Square studios, with other “Jersey Shore” stars expected to lead the multitudes in a collective fist pump in hopes of setting a world record.

Be sure to watch the Jersey Girl drop us into 2011!

The program airs Friday at 10:30 p.m. EST.