SIMI VALLEY, CA – Ron Paul defeated Rick Perry in the debate last night, then beat him up backstage.

LOS ANGELES – After NBC and Comcast merged on Friday, the company created a new logo. They’ve dropped the peacock in favor of Bat Boy.

NEW YORK – After being suspended indefinitely by MSNBC, Keith Olbermann signed with Fox News tonight.

GENEVA – The Jetpack story broken here on WWN continues to generate controversy!

LOS ANGELES – The Mythbusters went on Keith Olbermann last night and confirmed that jetpacks have arrive – and are flying around L.A.

NEW YORK – Dan Rather went on MSNBC and confirmed to Lawrence O’Donnell that he is, in fact, an alien.

WASHINGTON – Following the advice of Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL), President Obama fired Robert Gibbs and hired… Bozo.

NEW YORK, NY – Alex Rodriguez has admitted to taking performance-enhancing drugs, and all the angels in the heavens above have wept as one.

Viewers of Fox News report seeing political pundit Karl Rove’s brain escaping his head mid-sentence