Ben Bernanke says that the worst of the recession is over and the economy will level out, thanks to a large reserve of gold found hidden under Mount Rushmore.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Exceeding all expectations, Google turned a large profit this quarter. Google is now hoping to have several American landmarks renamed.

In a speech at a Republican fundraising event, Jon Voight decried Barack Obama as a false prophet. He then declared himself the new savior of America.

WASHINGTON, DC – This weekend, former Vice President Dick Cheney said Rush Limbaugh was his model Republican.

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL – Middle aged pop singer Madonna is at the center of controversy again for being seen with a Brazilian model names Jesus.