ANCHORAGE, AK – Ted Stevens International Airport closed this weekend due to volcanic ash.  Former Senator Ted Stevens believes it’s all part of a liberal conspiracy.

Mount Redoubt in Alaska erupted last week.  No deaths were reported, but Ted Stevens International in Anchorage had to close and several GOP members were seriously inconvenienced.  Former Senator Ted Stevens claims that it is a liberal conspiracy against his airport and other prominent Republicans.

Stevens believes that, like his several felony corruption charges, the volcanoes explosion was arranged by Liberals to smear his good name.   Bobby Jindal, the Governor of Louisiana, was left with egg on his face since only weeks ago he nationally criticized Democrat spending on ‘Volcano Monitoring.’  Governor Jindal was so embarrassed he needed warm glasses of milk and his favorite footie-pajamas every night this week.

Other Republicans inconvenienced by the eruption included Norm Coleman.  Due to the volcano’s eruption, he was forced to spend an extra two days with the girlfriend he had just broken up with during their Alaska cruise.

The Strom Thurman Memorial Leadership Retreat was engaging in trust exercises at the base of Mount Redoubt.  Once the rumbling started the group turned on each other, scrambling to get back to the vans.  No injuries were sustained from the eruption, but several of the members were later admitted to hospitals for bites, twisted ankles, asphalt burn, one minor heart attack from running 25 yards, and one man who suffered frostbite while riding back to town on the hood of the vehicle.

Stevens held a conference this weekend explaining his beliefs.  Due to the airport being closed only 4 people attended, and they were homeless people taking advantage of the complimentary bagels.

He claims that the Liberal Democrats, in conjunction with the Weather Channel, organized for the volcano to explode.  The Democrats in Congress sent a detachment of Imperial Guards to set up explosives, making the volcano erupt.  Then Al Gore, who secretly runs the Weather Channel to help pull off his ‘Climate Change’ hoax, covered it up as a ‘natural phenomena.’  All this so he and other Republicans would lose face.

Fox News has agreed to give Stevens an hour and half special to expose this and other Democratic conspiracies.

Stevens International Airport opened again on Sunday, thanks to the former Senator spending most of the day shoveling away ash himself.

UPDATE: Mount Redoubt has begun to erupt! Is webcam user yeti4eva safe?

As reported in January, a yeti discovered and took over the camera streaming live footage of Mount Redoubt. Fans flocked to YetiCam.net to chat with the friendly cryptid. Scientists attempted to reclaim the camera but the yeti has repeatedly scared them off.

Now Mount Redoubt is beginning to erupt and it appears the young yeti has been forced to flee. Her webcam has shown no activity since late last night, when the volcano erupted four times. The website now shows only a message stating, “see y’all in augustine!” Viewers are now focusing on the Augustine Volcano webcam, in hopes of her return.

January 30, 2009

MT. REDOUBT, AK – Scientists set up a webcam on Mount Redoubt to monitor volcanic activity, but discovered more than they bargained for.

Mount Redoubt has erupted three times in the past century, with the 1989 eruption lasting five months. Scientists now believe they can predict upcoming eruptions, and the Alaska Volcano Observatory set up a webcam on the north flank to observe any suspicious activity.

However, on the night of January 29th, viewers got a big surprise when an Alaskan yeti discovered the webcam. At first confused, she soon settled in front of the cam to communicate with viewers through a rudimentary laptop attached to the camera.

Internet users quickly began flooding YetiCam.net to ask the creature questions.

stapleman32: what do u like to do on the weekend?
yeti4eva: i love chillin with my girls (what up littlepaw?!) and finding cute grizzly bears to hang out with, yum!!!

teenycryptid: Hi! I am a 13 year old skunk ape in the Florida Everglades. I think I’m really ugly but my mom says I just haven’t “blossomed” yet. I want the guys my age to notice me. How do I get to be as pretty as you?
yeti4eva: thanks, teeny! but don’t ever call yourself ugly! you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. listen to christina aguilera’s song “beautiful”, she is so wise!!

The yeti also set up an Amazon.com wishlist, for admirers to buy and send her gifts. If viewers purchased a T-Mobile G1 phone, she would “totes love you forever!!!”

Observatory scientists armed with stun guns are currently hiking to the cam’s position to reclaim the camera.

MT. REDOUBT, AK – Scientists set up a webcam on Mount Redoubt to monitor volcanic activity, but discovered more than they bargained for.

Mount Redoubt has erupted three times in the past century, with the 1989 eruption lasting five months. Scientists now believe they can predict upcoming eruptions, and the Alaska Volcano Observatory set up a webcam on the north flank to observe any suspicious activity.

However, on the night of January 29th, viewers got a big surprise when an Alaskan yeti discovered the webcam. At first confused, she soon settled in front of the cam to communicate with viewers through a rudimentary laptop attached to the camera.

Internet users quickly began flooding YetiCam.net to ask the creature questions.

stapleman32: what do u like to do on the weekend?
yeti4eva: i love chillin with my girls (what up littlepaw?!) and finding cute grizzly bears to hang out with, yum!!!

teenycryptid: Hi! I am a 13 year old skunk ape in the Florida Everglades. I think I’m really ugly but my mom says I just haven’t “blossomed” yet. I want the guys my age to notice me. How do I get to be as pretty as you?
yeti4eva: thanks, teeny! but don’t ever call yourself ugly! you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. listen to christina aguilera’s song “beautiful”, she is so wise!!

The yeti also set up an Amazon.com wishlist, for admirers to buy and send her gifts. If viewers purchased a T-Mobile G1 phone, she would “totes love you forever!!!”

Observatory scientists armed with stun guns are currently hiking to the cam’s position to reclaim the camera.