UPDATE: Barack Obama’s half-bat half-brother, Obatma, is planning to meet with the Special Olympics committee on Monday to make peace over Obama’s bad joke.

Last night on The Tonight Show, President Obama discussed his poor bowling skills. In a passing comment, Obama said, “It was like Special Olympics or something.” Realizing his error, President Obama called Special Olympics Chairman Tim Shriver immediately following the taping to apologize.

However, Obama’s half-brother Obatma will be meeting with the committee on Monday to help smooth things over. Obatma recently revealed he used to volunteer in the African chapter, feasting on the surrounding mosquitoes so the athletes could compete in peace.

Will Obatma’s diplomatic past make things right?

January 15, 2009
WASHINGTON, DC – In a stunning response to the passing of Ricardo Montalban, Barack Obama has announced last-minute changes to his upcoming inauguration.

Obama revealed today that he would immediately scrap all Abraham Lincoln references at his inauguration and instead would deliver a new theme of “Fantasy Inauguration”. In adhering to this theme, Obama will be clad for all inaugural festivities in the white-tie popularized by Montalban in his role as Mr. Roarke on the long-running television series. Obama also made the shocking announcement that his half-man half-bat half-brother Obatma would attend the inauguration and serve as his Tattoo.

Obama’s official announcement paid tribute to Montalban and his legacy. The announcement also took many by surprise in Washington.

Obama explained, “Abraham Lincoln was a great man, but Ricardo Montalban and the work he did on Fantasy Island holds far greater personal meaning to me. The opening scenes of the show were even filmed in my childhood state of Hawaii.”

He continued,  “America is a place, like Fantasy Island, where your dreams can come true. Sure, there is a price for making those dreams happen. That price is what we call ‘taxes’. My job as President, much like Mr. Roarke’s job on ‘Fantasy Island’, is making sure you get your money’s worth in making your dreams happen. Think of me as the new Mr. Roarke. The man who is going to make your dreams come true. This is truly America’s Fantasy Inauguration”.

Asked whether there would be a role for Ken Berry in the inauguration, Obama refused to speculate.

Obatma, Obama’s half-brother, was unavailable for comment.

Bored at work? Skipping school? Click through to play a flash game with Bat Boy!

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Bored at work? Skipping school? Click through to play a flash game with Bat Boy!

Click here to make your own game on Fyrebug.com

NEW YORK, NY – Britney Spears’ “Circus” has topped the charts this week, and she is ready to celebrate!

Spears’ comeback is officially a success after her sixth album debuted at the top of Billboard’s sales charts. Her accomplishment comes less than a year after a downward spiral of personal problems that threatened to end her career. Barry Weiss, chairman and CEO of the BMG Label Group, stated, “People are just loving how she is doing right now.”

Perhaps this is why they have been keen to keep her nighttime antics as “Batney” a secret. Britney has befriended the country’s most lovable mutant, and the pair have been spotted causing juvenile mischief in the wee hours, when she is able to escape her handlers.

Batney celebrated her album’s success with Bat Boy at a private club in New York City. Neither of them drank alcohol, but did get extremely hyper after overloading on sugary Shirley Temples.

Bat Boy then presented her with his own homemade gold record, fashioned from bat guano and used tinfoil he had collected.

When a fan spotted the singer, the pair fled into the night, hightailing it to Central Park where Bat Boy showed her how to catch mosquitoes: running through a field at high speed with your mouth wide open.

Batney could be heard squealing, “BEST NIGHT EVER! BEST NIGHT EVER!”

BROOKLYN, NY – The Beastie Boys held a secret show in their hometown, and a certain beastly boy was on hand to collaborate.

One of the longest-lived hip hop acts, the Beastie Boys originally started as a punk band but was shaped by famous producer Rick Rubin into a three-man rap crew. They found critical and financial success with hits “So What’cha Want”, “Sabotage” and “Intergalactic”, all of which they performed at their surprise concert at the Music Hall of Williamsburg last night.

During their final song, “Fight For Your Right”, Ad-Rock spotted the one and only Bat Boy head banging in the front row and pulled him on stage. His contribution mainly consisted of shrieking into the microphone, coincidentally harkening back to the band’s hardcore phase.

Bat Boy was so excited he offered them chocolate-covered mosquitoes after the show, but the Boys declined as Mike D. is now vegan.

NEW ORLEANS, LA – In an attempt to further diversify her brood, Angelina Jolie has made a bold choice.

Jolie recently stated on the Today Show, “I want to create a rainbow family. That’s children of different religions and cultures, from different countries. And Bat Boy is the perfect example of that.”

Jolie took a moment to dab her welling eyes and then continued, “I have saved all of my children from loneliness and neglect in those orphanages. Bat Boy is out all on his own. It is my duty to be photographed while rescuing him and give him a better life in front of millions of people.”

According to eye witnesses, Jolie used mosquitoes as bait to lure and trap him. With Brad Pitt’s assistance, she dragged him kicking and screaming to the local courthouse to have the adoption finalized.

But Bat Boy had other plans. He nipped Pitt on the cheek, who dropped him and began screaming, “My face! My beautiful face!”. Our young hero took off out the back door and has not been seen since.

Jolie and Pitt are now in the process of adopting a Tibetan yeti to supplement Jolie’s new interest in Buddhism.

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Whether he’s a fan of the books or just trying to make friends, Bat Boy was spotted waiting in line to meet the star of the upcoming film “Twilight”.

Robert Pattinson appeared at the King Prussia mall today to meet fans and sign memorabilia. His film is based on a popular book series that revolves around a love affair between a vampire boy and his high school human sweetheart.

Scientists are wondering if Bat Boy may be hitting that age where he is interested in romance.  Recently he was seen trying to find similar bat-people, so some are questioning why he was at the signing. Was he just confused by Pattinson’s bat-boy-like state in the film, or was he taken in by the books adolescent love story?

In any event, Bat Boy waited in line for eight hours to meet the actor.  Approaching the star, Bay Boy squeaked shyly, handing Pattinson a damp and slightly chewed copy of the book.  Patterson signed the book awkwardly and asked if he liked vampire stories, to which Bat Boy froze in fear then grabbed his book and ran away.

Bay Boy hid in the Old Navy accessory department crying, presumably angry at himself for getting so nervous.  Shortly thereafter he was approached by a group of girls his age who were fascinated in his vampire-like appearance.

The group was later seen in the food court, introducing Bat Boy to the A&W Root Beer Float.  Bat Boy spat it out and led the tweens outside to help him find his usual snack, mosquitoes.

LOS ANGELES, CA – After announcing his acting retirement to focus on his music, Joaquin Phoenix revealed that he will be partnering with Bat Boy!

At this morning’s press junket, Joaquin explained, “I think it’s just moving on. It’s discovering something else, something new and great. And I’ve discovered that in Bat Boy.”

When asked how he found Bat Boy, he answered, “A package arrived at my agent’s office for me, with the return address merely reading ‘CAVE’. I opened it up to find a CD case caked in bat guano. I mean, how avant garde is this kid?! The CD was just 80 minutes of shrieking and squealing. Real early Yoko Ono stuff. I had to have him.”

In regards to recent exploitation accusations, the band’s manager clarified that per Bat Boy’s request, he will be paid in jars of mosquitoes and sleep in the recording studio’s basement.

CHICAGO, IL – In the wake of President Elect Barack Obama’s speech, Obatma took to the stage to make his own announcement.

Chicago residents were elated to see Senator Obama’s half-bat half-brother make an impromptu appearance following Obama’s victory speech.

Only able to squeak and squeal, Obatma used an interpreter to congratulate his half-brother on his well-earned success after a twenty month long presidential campaign. Obatma recognized the groundbreaking achievement this was for African Americans everywhere.

As such, he has decided to take up the underdog torch and run in the 2012 elections to be the first mutant American president!

The crowd was so taken with his speech that they politely ignored when he skipped off the stage, snatching mosquitoes and stuffing them in his mouth.

]]> http://weeklyworldnews.com/mutants/3705/obatma-2012/feed/ 0 Hideaki Tailor obatmarally http://weeklyworldnews.com/topstory/3517/obatma-and-bat-boy-tour-us/ http://weeklyworldnews.com/topstory/3517/obatma-and-bat-boy-tour-us/#comments Fri, 24 Oct 2008 10:05:31 +0000 Reginald Cunningham III http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/?p=3517 ]]>

JOPLIN, MO – The recent unveiling of Obama’s mutant half brother has guaranteed him the mutant vote.

Since then, Obatma has been on a road tour with Bat Boy rallying support for the Democratic candidate.  The two are making appearances in key swing states, happily handing out stickers and posing for pictures.

As a result, voter registration centers around the country have been flooded with new-voter requests checking the ethnicity box as “Other: Mutant.”

A large group of mutants wearing Obama pins assembled outside of the Today show in Rockefeller center this week.  The crowd was dispersed by security before taping began, however, due to an incident involving several easily startled tourists and a girl who was half-spider.

Obatma and Bat Boy are expected to continue their road trip through to the election, driving across the country in a convertible which allows them to catch mosquitoes in their mouths.

Senator McCain, desperate to reduce Obama’s lead, has retaliated by campaigning heavily to the alien population, playing up his military service with the Intergalactic Alliance.