Invisibility & Levitation: How-To Keys To Personal Performance by Commander X

According to Commander X two of the most common desires among mankind are to become invisible and levitate at will. The commander purports that through his writings one will be able to harness these powers. However, he also warns that the universe has its own set of checks and balances so don’t try and use these powers for evil.

This masterpiece is broken down into eleven chapters covering such topics as:

-The Quest for Instant Invisibility
-Invisibility and the Art of Unvulnerability (seriously, “Unvulnerability” not Invulnerability)

-ETS, UFOS and How They Become Invisible
-Strange, Eerie and Peculiar Talents
-Strange Mystery of Psychic Diane Tessman

Image courtesy of www.dianetessman.com

This non-stop page turner can be purchased at Amazon.com for as little as $4.98. Get a copy while you can. As of this report on 36 were left for sale. Well, make that 35, I just bought one of the collectible versions for my archives.

Commander X is a retired Military Intelligence Official that became an author in order to provide the public with the truths kept secret by those in positions of power. The Commander is also the author of great other works such as Nikola Tesla – Free Energy and the White Dove, Time Travel: A How-To Insiders Guide, Incredible Technologies of the New World Order: UFOs-Tesla-Area 51, and Commander X Files.

WASHINGTON – The Senate voted to repeal the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy for the military, then applied it to Congress!

Yesterday on Capitol Hill, the Senate voted to repeal the 17-year-old “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy by a slim margin, but with one stipulation: members of Congress must now abide by their own “Don’t ask, Don’t tell” policy!

Until yesterday, members of Congress were still debating whether or not to repeal the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy, which forbids openly gay citizens from joining the military. But after Congress decided to adopt its own DADT policy, the addendum to enforce the ruling in Congress and the Senate made it an easy decision for a few undecideds to sway the tide.

“At first I was very much opposed to the repeal,” stated Senator John McCain, “but then when we decided to enforce “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” in Congress, I was all for it. Most of us are gay anyway so it’s not like we would be admitting to anything that we all already didn’t know.”

“Whoops,” he added. “Did I say that out loud?”

Though Congress’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy passed with an overwhelming majority, a handful of openly gay Congress members have raised their voices in protest.

“If we cannot vocalize on our true nature, then we must show it in other ways” proclaimed Senator Tom Coburn.

Coburn, along with several other gay Congressmen, have come together to form the “My Beard, My Life” initiative.

“Our beards are a symbol of our homosexuality,” said Coburn, while running a hand through his gray, stubbly whiskers. “Just because we can’t say we’re gay doesn’t mean we can’t show it!”

Senator McCain announced earlier this week that he too will grow a beard and join Coburn in the “My Beard, My Life” movement.

“Most gay congressmen already have beards,” said McCain, referring to the term used by closeted gays to describe their wives. “But now that beard is where it belongs: on our faces!”

Even some female Congress members have joined in on the movement.
“I really wish that they could have thought about lesbians with the “My Beard, My Life” campaign,” said Tammy Baldwin, an openly gay U.S. Representative for Wisconsin’s 2nd congressional district. “We might not be able to grow beards, but we can by grow out our leg hair and wear more skirts.”

So there you have it. It’s okay to be gay in the military but not in Congress! Now it’s only a matter of time before we see more members of the Senate and House sporting Chia Legs and the Grizzly Adams look!

PHOTOS by BOY MACK

WASHINGTON, DC – The government has been forced to pull back on defense spending.  Secretary of Defense Robert Gates is pulling funding on F22 and Area 51, which is expected to close within the month.  At a press conference on Monday Robert Gates announced his new plan to shift resources from costly weapons systems to the ground campaigns in Iraq and Afghanistan

Area 51 is a top secret government installation in southern Nevada.  It first gained recognition as a secret government testing site in the 1950’s.  Since then it is believed to be where the government tests new and alien technologies.  Most of the new and alien technology Secretary Gates is cutting is expected to be in Area 51.

According to moles within the Pentagon and several anonymous sources reporters met while drinking in the area, weapons being developed by the government may include:

Aging Ray –   Special frequency microwave emitters which dissolve collagen in
the skin causing victims to instantly appear much older.

LactoPack –   A wearable cheese powered propulsion system.  Small, collapsible, but it only ran on expensive imported cheeses.

Gill Men –      Special volunteers from within the US Navy’s seal teams had gills and fins surgically attached to their bodies to aid in tactical maneuverability.  Unfortunately after the 15 million dollar process they would forget their assignments and play with inflatable balls.

H4 Prime –     Derived from alien technology this was a Hummer 4 series that could turn into a large anthropomorphic robot.  Once it was made self-aware however the robot proved to be self absorbed and irresponsible and cost far more than it was worth.  Efforts have been made to sell the H4 Prime to the Japanese, but currently it refuses to leave its room.

Secretary of Defense Gates insists that programs like these are an unnecessary drain on the military budget, and is pulling the plug on all similar research.

Area 51, we here at the Weekly World News wish you a fond farewell.  Thanks for the memories.

CLARK COUNTY, NV – The federal government has been getting creative during the economic recession, but have they gone too far this time?

Government insiders revealed to Weekly World News that for the past month, the infamous Area 51 military base has been transformed into the galaxy’s hottest nightclub. “Studio 51″ is a twenty-thousand square-foot dance club designed to suck the space currency right out of aliens’ wallets.

“We realized that the most efficient way to inject money into the local and national economy was to court the alien dollar,” said an unidentified general. “They can buy $1000 U.S. with just one dloran!” Dlorans are the most universally accepted form of currency in the galaxy, and aliens are throwing them left and right at this new hot spot!

The general explained, “We’ve incorporated nitrogen-based beverages, four-dimensional mirror balls and music with frequencies we can’t even scientifically explain. But we had to draw the line at lap dances. There was no way to regulate it.

“I mean, have you seen some of these females? We can’t make heads or tails of them. Literally.”

SAN ANTONIO, TX – Residents of San Antonio are perplexed by a recent series of strange sightings.

Last week the town saw a record number of UFOs flying through the night skies.  Over the course of a week, dozens of ships were seen flying in the cover of darkness.  Instead of their usual fast and discreet flight patterns, the UFOs were flying slow and low, even using searchlights to scour the rural areas outside the city.

After the arrival of military equipment, government agents and several doomsday cults, the UFOs stopped appearing in the sky.

That’s when residents of the city’s suburbs began noticing unusual flyers.  Posters appeared on every light post and telephone pole in the city with the words ‘Lost Pet’ and a picture of what appears to be a chupacabra.

Being alien pets would shed light on the mysterious origins of the chupacabra.  The reptilian creatures are notorious for devouring herds of cattle in a matter of hours but there is no record of their existence, even in local folklore, prior to 1956.

Some fear that the lost pet may have gotten mixed up in underground chupacabra wrestling, a popular pastime in the area.

If you see a small reptilian creature devouring cattle that answers to Mr. Wiggles, please call the number on the poster.  His family is very worried.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -The U.S. military has found a race of Mole People, and may be planning to exploit them!

Weekly World News has uncovered the shocking discovery of a race of underground Mole People living 20 miles beneath the Earth, using secret tunnels to enter the United States.

This discovery was made not by archaeologists, but by military scientists tunneling deep inside the Earth – and an insider has leaked exclusive photos and information about these “cave people”.

“We’re not even sure how many of them there are. We’ve only seen one city so far, with an estimated 2,000 Mole People in residence. But there may be several million of them living in sprawling and cavernous underground cities, scattered beneath the Earth’s surface.”

The military is reportedly eager to study the Mole People. “We want to find out everything about them — what they eat, how they live, and, most importantly, what is their relationship to the human race.”

But some citizens believe the government has ulterior motives. John Sangaard, a mutant rights activist, said, “Think about it: what of the crucial oil and mineral reserves below the surface? Who owns them, the Mole People or us? America is desperate for domestic oil right now. I have no doubt that the government is looking to exploit these poor creatures.”

There may be worse possibilities. According to the source, the military “stumbled on” the underground civilization in September while running a classified project that may have involved spying on China.

“Will they try and use the mole people to dig into enemy countries?” asked Sangard. “Use them for surveillance? We need to fight our own wars. How typically human to misuse our newfound brothers for selfish means.”

ETs powers rival those of Moses parting the Red Sea!

VATICAN CITY – Pope Benedict XVI has quietly named a shape-shifting space alien to minister to the needs of the faithful in an as-yet unnamed parish in the southwestern United States.

And even though it remains unclear where the bulb-headed extraterrestrial will set up shop, Vatican insiders acknowledge that it “may not be far” from mysterious Area 51, the U.S. military’s UFO-related secret base in Groom Lake, Nev.

Little is known about the space-alien priest’s background. And when it comes to discussing details, church sources in the Vatican and at U.S. Catholic dioceses have been unusually tight-lipped.

But secular experts with Vatican ties have learned that a human priest saved the creature’s life after finding its mangled body in the wreckage of a “space pod” that crashed near Mexico City in 1997.

Schooled in the ways of Catholics during what seems to have been a long and painful recovery, the space alien — apparently at the behest of the pope himself — agreed to devote his life to God, say the sources.

Intriguingly, the extraterrestrial is said to have capacities and powers that rival those used by important Bible figures like Moses, who parted the Red Sea and turned walking sticks into snakes, and Jesus, who raised the dead, turned water to wine, fed a hungry crowd of thousands with just seven loaves and fishes and even controlled the weather to prove that God was indeed His father.

According to one source, the space alien can “lift and twirl” objects as large as tractor trailers just by looking at them and opening his pancake-sized eyes wide.

He also can “shape shift” — having demonstrated a peculiar fascination with turning himself into dishes and silverware in addition to appearing as ordinary men and women of every description.

On one surprising occasion, he is said to have hobbled into the Vatican as the double of Pope Benedict XVI, who is reported to have been “delighted” by the devout extraterrestrial’s fun-loving sleight of hand.

And those powers aren’t the only thing that sets the creature apart from humans.

Sources have learned he has at least three hearts — two of which reside in his buttocks — and “feeds” on electricity he procures by poking a long, skinny finger into a wall socket.

“But what truly sets him apart is his devotion to the pope and to God,” says a Vatican source. “He has memorized the Bible and can recite it verbatim.

“Even more importantly, he absolutely adores humans and wants to help them find the righteous way of Jesus Christ.”

Nobody knows if the priest will reveal himself as a space alien to his flock, although the Vatican insider says, “It’s not really all that important for people to know.”

Nor is it clear whether the extraterrestrial clergyman will minister to the needs of other space aliens.

“As he grows in his ministry, his methodology and broader purpose will become clear,” says a Washington-based secular observer who promises “to watch this ministry” closely.