NEW YORK, NY – Following three years of repair, the USS Intrepid’s return to Manhattan was greeted by the Tri-State Area’s only known Kraken.

The decommissioned WWII battleship returns to its dock, reopening the Intrepid Sea, Air, and Space Museum. Spectators were delighted as the Battleship approached the city, and even more surprised when Grakkle the Kraken emerged in dramatic fashion sending waves crashing over the Intrepid.

Executive Director of the Intrepid Museum, Susan Marenoff commented, “It was such a pleasure to have Grakkle rise in honor of the Intrepid’s return. We had no idea he was in the area, or a fan of the museum. We’re hoping to have him participate in an upcoming exhibition on the role of US Warships in the Kraken-Great Squid Battle of 1948.”

Viewers were treated to a nautical display not seen in recent decades. While Grakkle was once a common site along the coast of Manhattan, Coney Island, and the Long Island Sound, he been much more reclusive as of late.

“I was delighted to see two of New York City’s treasures together,” New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg told reporters, “but my fear is that the rise of Grakkle is a portent for something brewing under the waters of New York. We really cannot afford another Kraken outlash against our trade ships. Not in this economy.”

NEW YORK, NY – Mayor Mike Bloomberg has crowned himself Emperor of New York.  The two term mayor has decided to sidestep legal term limits requiring him to step down next year by crowning himself sovereign ruler.

The official ceremony took place early Monday morning at Cipriani on 42nd street.  Mayor Bloomberg anointed himself with vegetable oil, and lowered a maple wreath onto his head, declaring himself Emperor.  Fifty virgins from the American Ballet Theater danced in celebration.

Emperor Bloomberg said “I am convinced this is what’s best for New York.”  The city’s sovereign ruler will now be able to efficiently work around county regulations, zoning commissions, and upon death, he will be sanctified as a deity.

Insiders suggest he may already be planning an invasion to gain lands in nearby Nassau County.  Emperor Bloomberg dismissed these claims, saying his first priority was the financial crisis, including transitioning to coins with his face on them.

For the time being, Emperor Bloomberg is busy renovating Governor’s Island into a neo-classical palace and deciding which month to rename after himself.