MICHIGAN – A woman makes a replica of Leonardo da Vinci’s The Last Supper with her belly button lint.

CAIRO – Miss USA, Rima Fakih, has packed her bags and moved to Egypt.

MARYSVILLE, CA – Ted Nugent pleaded guilty to killing a defenseless deer. Bigfoot didn’t like that and is coming for Ted!

DETROIT, MI – Winter has finally arrived in a series of storms pelting the Midwest. Bat Boy has instigated a statewide day of revelry in Michigan.

FERNDALE, MI – Police in a Detroit suburb are looking for a bank robber who has horrible breath!

With unemployment rates about to hit the highest numbers since the Great Depression, Americans are leaving in droves to find work in one of the few places still hiring: China.

ANN ARBOR, MI – The nearly-perfect preserved remains of a baby mammoth are being studied at the University of Michigan.

My America, the America I know and love has been in a coma. For too long it has been asleep at the wheel… the wheel of a foreign-made car. It’s time to wake up and tell the rest of the world to GET OFF OUR LAWN!!!

DETROIT, MI – After announcing new “self-parking” cars, reports have emerged about the source of the revolutionary technology – goblins!

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an attempt to boost his chances, McCain offered to fix the economy by selling secret government artifacts on Ebay. Unfortunately, the maverick senator doesn’t quite get computers and sold it all too cheaply.