KANSAS CITY, MO – At a Kansas City rally, Michelle Obama brought Obatma on stage and proudly accepted him into the Obama family!

During  a Vote for Change rally, Michelle spoke about her passion for helping American families thrive. “Policies that support families aren’t political issues. They’re personal. They’re the causes I carry with me every single day.

“My own family must thrive as well. While I was hesitant in the beginning, I’ve decidedly to support my husband’s policies and feelings towards mutant-Americans, and embrace a new member of our family! Come on up, Obatma!”

The crowd jumped to their feet and cheered as Obama’s half-human half-bat half-brother, little Obatma, scurried up the stairs to embrace Michelle.

While incapable of human speech, he did shriek loudly into the mic, causing one of the speakers to blow out.

Political analysts believe Michelle’s show of tolerance and love will bring any undecided mutants and mutant-sympathizers to the Democratic side.

At a shocking press conference this morning, Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama announced that he has a half-man half-bat half-brother.

The boyish looking half brother of undetermined age had been living in a cave in the Karura Forest outside Nairobi, until he was recently discovered by Dr. Robert Ndesango of Kenyatta University. Dr. Ndesango, who had been researching in the cave, was at first startled by the unusual boy, who quickly introduced himself as Obatma. Soon enough, the boy was showing him his part of the cave and pictures he’d drawn on the walls.

Tests indicate that the boy mutant is indeed Barack Obama’s younger half brother; the two share a father but have different mothers.

It was during the “gap” in his official itinerary in Israel that Obama took a military helicopter to Kenya to clandestinely visit his kin. The McCain camp had obtained pictures of Obatma and had threatened to release them to the nation if Obama did not own up to the mutant.

Senator Obama stood proudly next to the brother he claims to have first met on a trip to Kenya during the late 1990’s. Michelle Obama declined to attend the announcement and said through a spokeswoman, “That boy is strange. He will not be coming near my house or my kids.”

When asked how Obama’s half brother came to be a half-bat mutant, Obama said it was “a family matter that should remain private.”

Critics question if having a mutant brother could hurt him in the election. Obama replied “There is no greater bond than that of family. Turning my back on him would be like cutting off a limb. From the volcanoes of Hawaii, through the cornfields of Kansas and on to the caves of Kenya, I have lived the American dream and my unique diversity is what truly allows me to be so audacious in my hope.

“Obatma shares my DNA and will be uniquely qualified to understand some of the difficult issues facing mutants in this country and around the world.”

Will Bat Boy, the most famous mutant of them all, now come out and endorse Obama?

Senator McCain could not be reached for comment, but sources say he was glad that the intense discussion of Obatma now sweeping the nation would lessen the focus on whether his running mate, Governor Palin, may actually be a Palien hailing from a small planet east of the sun known as Wazeela.

Presidential nominee John McCain wants fellow nominee Barack Obama to put his campaign ads away and instead settle the election like gentlemen—by having a duel!

The bold challenge, publicly issued by McCain’s feisty Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin, would spare the American people from the typical smear campaigns and save millions of dollars in citizens’ donations, according to McCain.

“In this way we are protecting all the American people: Democrats, Republicans and Independents,” Palin told Associated Press Television Network in an interview.

As conceived by McCain, the duel would be held in a neutral “purple” state such as Pennsylvania, with NBC News’ Tom Brokaw as the referee. Each leader would be allowed to bring along just two “seconds” to aide him in the man-to-man confrontation.

The combatants would use one previously agreed-upon weapon, “with president against president, vice president against vice president and first lady against first lady in a duel,” Palin proposed.

So, while Obama battled McCain, Vice Presidential nominee Joe Biden would take on Palin, and Michelle Obama would rumble with Cindy McCain.

The Republicans haven’t proposed a specific weapon — pistols, swords, knives, battle axes, etc. That choice would be up to the Obama campaign.

Publicly, Obama’s team scoffed at McCain’s proposal. Campaign spokesperson Robert Gibbs said it did not warrant “a serious response.”

Behind the scenes, however, some Obama aides are toying with the idea.

“We have no doubt that Barack could take McCain — he jogs every day and is in tip-top condition,” said a campaign source.

“We are considering proposing a sword fight in which Barack’s long arms would have a significant advantage.”