I’m madder than a bag lady with a busted shopping cart!

Yesterday I saw a picture in the paper I couldn’t believe. It showed a crazy looking lady with what looked like a mop on her head, wearing a green garbage bag – and holding up a cell phone!

The paper said lots of homeless people have cell phones now – and sometimes the government pays for them! Which means you and I pay for them, my fellow red, white and blue blooded Americans! I don’t have a cell phone, but I’m paying for some crazy lady’s!

And when these homeless get some radar laser beam brain cancer years from now from holding that thing up to their ears all day, guess who has to pay for that, too?

Did you see how Obama’s wife went to a soup kitchen, and half the ‘poor’ people took out cell phones and took her picture?!

Who the heck are they talking to with these cell phones anyhow? The voices in their heads? Their fifty cats?

Back in my day, we didn’t have homeless people. We had hobos, winos and bums! They road across the country on trains to spread out their stinkiness, instead of the way they do today, sitting on the same street corner for years and smelling up the place.

And our homeless people sure didn’t have free phones. Being poor meant something different too; today it means you’ve only got a 24” TV instead of a 42”, and an old car instead of a new one, and you’re fat instead of skinny!

When even bums have fancy phones, that means either the country’s in great shape or going down the toilet!