NEW YORK – The NFL is investigating a New York Jets coach who purposely tripped a Miami Dolphins player.

The NFL is investigating an incident that occurred during the Miami Dolphins-New York Jets game yesterday. One of the Jets coaching staff  tripped a Dolphins return man as he was running along the sideline.

Miami’s Nolan Carroll was running out-of-bounds during a special teams play in the third quarter when Jets coach, Sal Alosi, stuck his knee out causing Carroll to do a face plant. Carroll proceeded to act like a world cup soccer player and roll around on the ground until he received some attention.

The trip was played on national television several times and a CBS sports commentator said, “This is just uncalled for in the NFL … that has no place in any athletic event. I mean can’t he just walk it off without all of the dramatics?”

Rumors that the coach was also holding a billy club are false – though they may be true.

The league and the Jets told WWN that they are conducting a comprehensive investigation that could take several months to complete.

Alosi admits that he was responsible for the trip after the game and apologized personally to Carroll. Sources say that Carroll simply held up his hand and exclaimed, “Talk to the hand ‘cause the ears ain’t listin’”, snapped his fingers in a “Z” motion, turned around and walked away.

“He was out-of-bounds so I figured he was fair game,” Alosi said. “I just get so mad sometimes that those guys make so much money for running around a field in tight pants. “ he continued, “I guess it just got the best of me this time.”

If the investigation shows that Alosi was overtly negligent he will be required to do 5,000 push ups and 2,000  laps around the field OR receive a fine of up to $1,00,000.

Story filed by ace WWN reporter, Boy Mack.

NEW YORK – The Jets offensive tackle, D’Brickashaw Ferguson, has started a rickshaw service for drunken NFL Players.

D’Brickashaw Ferguson, who was in the car when Braylon Edwards was arrested for a DWI on Tuesday, had an idea to capitalize on the situation.  “There are a lot of NFL players that like to get drunk when they go out and they can’t be driving, so I can up with the D’Rickashaw Cabs (DC).”

D’Brickashaw thought a rickshaw would be the perfect way to transport NFL players.  “You ever hear of any dudes getting in a rickshaw accident?  Didn’t think so.”  Ferguson bought two hundred rickshaws to be placed near the practice facilities of each NFL team, and at each NFL stadium.  “We’ll be rickashawin’ here and there.”

The purpose of DS is make sure all the drunk, drugged, or doped NFL players get home safely after a night of debauchery.  “Braylon Edwards’ DWI was a real wake-up call for us, especially for me because I was passed out in the back seat. Man, what a party that was!”  Ferguson said that it would be impossible to stop NFL players from abusing drugs and alcohol.  “You can’t un-punt a punt.”  So, he just wants to make it easier to players to drink and not-drive.

NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, fully supports both Ferguson’s rickshaw service and the rights of NFL players to get completely obliterated.  “Hey, they are young men.  And when young men want to get drunk, there’s no stopping them.  You can’t un-punt a punt.”

Not everyone is happy.  Chang Woo, a pedicab driver in New York, is upset that D’Rickashaw Service is taking business away from him.  “We here first. We pull football player better than football player could ever do! If I see D’Brick, I will smack him in D’Head!”

Las Vegas odds makers are now taking bets as to who will be the first on each team to use D’Rickashaw Cabs.  Brett Favre spoke about DS.  “I like drinking a lot of single malt Scotch after practice. And it’s good to know I can get a rickshaw home. I’ll definitely use the service.  I think.  Maybe.  I might. I won’t… but maybe I will.”

Who will be pulling the D’Rickashaws?

“Rookies,” Ferguson said.

Watch the Jets clobber the Miami Dolphins in Sunday night’s game!!

WASHINGTON, DC – Senator John McCain took a few hours out of his busy campaign schedule to attend the annual basketball game that reunites “The Keating Five.” All four of the surviving five US senators who were implicated in the Savings and Loan Scandal of 1987 attended the match where they defeated the Georgetown University junior varsity team 21 to 16. The game was largely seen as an esteem booster for McCain’s next presidential debate.

A Gatorade-soaked Dennis DeConcini (D – AZ) said, “Now that there’s a bigger financial scandal than ours, maybe we’ll have to discontinue the game.”

Republican Presidential nominee John McCain, who shoots with an underhanded ‘granny’ style shot due to injuries sustained while in a Vietnamese prison camp, scored eight points.