…and not delivering them! I’m madder than a surgeon with a rusty scalpel – I went to the doctor’s office the other day and found the old sawbones I’ve been going to for 40 years had hung up his stethoscope – and his replacement was a woman.

This whole idea of women taking men’s jobs is something that has been getting my goat ever since the women’s lib wackos cooked it up back in the 1970s. I say there are some jobs women just weren’t meant to have. I’ve never seen a female football player who could knock over a man. I’ve never seen a female stand-up comic who was funny. And I’ve never seen a gal yet who could pilot a 747.

Let’s face it, women are more qualified to serve coffee or tea on a plane than they are to sit in the cockpit. Would you put your life in the hands of a lady pilot who’s got to pull over every five minutes and ask for directions, and check the rear-view mirror while she puts on her make-up?

And those lady comics – give me a break! All they ever talk about is their feminine health problems. The day you see Ed Anger laughing at a PMS joke is the day I shave my legs and start wearing a garter belt, by jiminey!

Years ago, women used to know their place. They let men handle the important jobs like driving cars, building things, and surgery. They knew there were some jobs they shouldn’t even bother applying for.

Look at my loving wife, Thelma Jean – you never saw her putting on a construction worker’s helmet or driving a truck. She’s always been happy making my dinner, doing my laundry and keeping my house clean. That should be all any woman needs to have a full and satisfying life.

These modern gals have to stick their feminist noses in places they don’t belong – like in a doctor’s office. To make matters worse, the lady doc whose office I wound up in had a male receptionist. And even though this male-secretary was all smiles, I could tell he was plenty upset to be doing a job that was more suited for someone wearing a skirt.

I’m sure that office would’ve been much happier if the man was doing the doctoring and the woman was answering the phones. I guess it makes a kind of sense to have special women doctors for female problems, but there’s no reason on Earth why a man should have to go see a woman doctor.

I figure I’ve made it through 72 years of perfect health without a woman doctor and I plan on making it 20 or 30 more years the same way.

I’ll have to admit this gal tricked me at first because I figured she was just the nurse. But then she had the gall to ask me to take off my shirt. Whoa, Nellie! Ed Anger doesn’t undress in front of any woman, except my wife, and even that’s done in the dark.

This Medicine Gal pulled out a bunch of her medical doohickeys, and I could see she was getting ready to poke me in a way that no woman ever has – or ever will.

Needless to say, I was out of there in a flash – and on my way out the door I told the male-secretary that he could cancel all the appointments the Anger family has with this lady sawbones.

Now I’m gonna go out and find me a new family physician . . . and you can bet your bottom dollar it’ll be a fella!

DENVER, Colo. — Playboy Kurt Fulson has never made a proposal on his knee. “Though I have, in fact, just received one there,” the billionaire told Weekly World News.

Fulson, who took a nasty spill while snowboarding on Aspen Mountain, discovered a phone number stitched into his left leg after reconstructive surgery. “I saw the name ‘Sandy’ sutured right next to the number,” Fulson added. ‘Sandy’ turned out to be Dr. Sandra Nemington, head of the surgical team responsible for rebuilding Fulson’s ligaments.

 “I saw him when he arrived for prep and couldn’t resist leaving my info,” Dr. Nemington said. “I imagine he gets a lot of numbers and I didn’t want him to overlook mine.” Nemington insisted that the digits, artfully stitched, won’t become part of Fulson’s permanent scar in case things don’t work out.

Will love bloom a patella? Fulson remained guarded during a set of leg exercises with his physical therapist, Natasha. “I can’t make any promises,” he said with a wink, “though so far, Sandy has made me a bit wobbly in the knees.”