NEW YORK, NY – The Statue of Liberty is opening to visitors again on July 4th.  Police are on high alert for America’s favorite mutant, Bat Boy.

For the first time in almost a decade The Statue of Liberty will open to visitors again this weekend in celebration of July 4th.  People will be able to climb the stairs to see New York from her crown.  Police officials fear a repeat of last year when Bat Boy climbed to the torch to watch the fireworks display.

Bat Boy made headlines last year by climbing the landmark which was closed and declared “Federally Off Limits.”  Coast Guard officials sent to get him down had to wait until the fireworks displays had ended, but by then he had left.

“We know he doesn’t mean any harm” said Nora Fishbein of the Parks and National Landmarks Department.  “We just don’t want anyone to get hurt.”

Mayor Michael Bloomberg has extended to Bat Boy an invitation to watch the fireworks with him from the balcony of a skyscraper in the financial district.  Bloomberg wishes to curry the support of New York’s mutant community by being seen with Bat Boy, after New York Sanitation workers tried to exterminate a family of half-spider people who were living legally in a Bronx basement apartment.  Whether Mayor Bloomberg’s message has reached the elusive mutant is unknown.

Police will remain on high alert this July 4th weekend, looking out for any security risks on Liberty Island.  If Bat Boy appears and tries to observe the fireworks from a perch on the statue, they have prepared a 247 foot long stick with a hook on the end of it to try and dislodge him.

NEW YORK, NY – Mayor Mike Bloomberg has crowned himself Emperor of New York.  The two term mayor has decided to sidestep legal term limits requiring him to step down next year by crowning himself sovereign ruler.

The official ceremony took place early Monday morning at Cipriani on 42nd street.  Mayor Bloomberg anointed himself with vegetable oil, and lowered a maple wreath onto his head, declaring himself Emperor.  Fifty virgins from the American Ballet Theater danced in celebration.

Emperor Bloomberg said “I am convinced this is what’s best for New York.”  The city’s sovereign ruler will now be able to efficiently work around county regulations, zoning commissions, and upon death, he will be sanctified as a deity.

Insiders suggest he may already be planning an invasion to gain lands in nearby Nassau County.  Emperor Bloomberg dismissed these claims, saying his first priority was the financial crisis, including transitioning to coins with his face on them.

For the time being, Emperor Bloomberg is busy renovating Governor’s Island into a neo-classical palace and deciding which month to rename after himself.