LOS ANGELES -  Tupac’s old crew confirmed today that they smoked his ashes.

Members of a rap group founded by Tupac Shakur invited press in today and confirmed they  rolled up Pac’s ashes with marijuana and SMOKED him after he passed away.

The Outlawz , who are most famous for the Biggie Smalls diss track “Hit ‘em Up, ” said, “Yeah, it’s definitely true.”  They said it all went down at a beach memorial for Pac  and 2Pac mom was present at the time.

Here’s Pac with the Outlawz:

They also claim that “smoking Pac”  was the greatest high in the world.  “Pac really set us up.  I’ll never float like that again.”

The rappers claim the idea was inspired by a lyric in one of Tupac’s songs in which he said, “Last wishes n**gas, smoke my ashes.”

So , the Outlawz say they simply followed Pac’s request — explaining, “We twist up some of that great-granddaddy California kush …and mixed the big homie with it ,  so you know, [Tupac is] flowin’ through our system.”

This is bound to start a trend of celebrity ashes for sale.  Rumors are there’s some “George Carlin” out there…

Here’s a taste of TuPac and the Outlawz:

TUSCON, AZ- Mexican drug cartels must resort to primitive tactics to get drugs across the US border.

Drug dealers have used underground tunnels, human mules, and even the corpses of dead animals as methods to transport drugs into the United States but few seem to get past the ever elusive DEA. Now, the Mexican drug cartels are at their wit’s end.

With all the previous tactics proving to be useless, the drug dealers have decided to take a more primitive approach to drug smuggling. They are now using catapults to lob large sacks of marijuana and cocaine over the International Border fence.

Through a closed circuit surveillance system, National Guard troops working at the Nacho Naco Border Patrol Station have recently observed several people in ponchos and sombreros attempting to lob medium to large size bundles over the wall by way of catapult.

“Prior to the construction and attempted use of the catapult, we’ve observed them trying to throw the bundles, basketball style, over the wall. This is rather amusing as the wall is over 21 feet tall and 6 feet thick,” said Lieutenant Peters, “The best part is when they try to do layups. They almost always do face plants directly against the wall when they try this. It has been really entertaining to watch.”

Lieutenant Peters continued by explaining that these dopey drug dealers have been at it for months now and have been unsuccessful with all of their attempts to clear the wall. Some privates at the Naco Station have even taken to making microwave popcorn and watching the comedy fest during their breaks.

“This is one of the best reality shows out there right now. The only thing better is The Jersey Shore,” said Private Benjamin, “I’m really rooting for them with the catapult idea. I hope they make it this time. Granted if they do, we’ll have to detain them but still you gotta root for ‘em.”

Upon hearing about the closed circuit footage, Fox has decided to quickly put together a reality TV show about the group of Mexicans who have been attempting to launch the drugs over the fence. With the US government in desperate need of income to bring down the national debt, Fox has been able to acquire the past three months of footage for “an awesome price”. Fox plans to air the show by the summer of 2011.

It has been rumored that Fox will hire Carrot Top to host the show pending his release by the Canadian government as he is now officially owned by Canada.

Read how this happened here.

“We really love that we now own Carrot Top,” said Canadian Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, “he is now regarded as a national treasure. Our people can really relate to his pasty white skin and the women love is muscular physique. It is going to take a lot for us to let him out of our grasp.”

LOS ANGELES – Miley Cyrus was caught on video smoking bong hits in L.A..

TMZ released today a video shot during a party at Miley’s L.A. area home five days after her 18th birthday.

A source connected with Miley, the smoke filling the bong is a natural herb called salvia which has psychedelic qualities. Possession of salvia is legal in California.

But sources have told WWN that Miley not only smoked salvia, she also smoked marijuana.  “Yes, she smoked salvia, but she also smoked about ten hits of Afghan Red, one of the most potent strands of pot in Los Angeles,” said a person  VERY close to Miley.

Here’s Miley high as a kite (thanks TMZ):

The video was shot by one of Miley’s friends –  and the theory is someone stole or copied the video from that friend’s camera.  But the “friend” actually just handed over the video to TMZ for a little “somethin’ somethin’…

Our source tells us that Miley was so high from the Afghan Red that she started singing Justin Beiber songs.  She sang Beiber’s hit “Pray” over and over again.  Luckily her friends were so stoned that they just phased it out.

Billy Ray Cyrus also joined in the fun.  He smoked a few hits of Afghan Red himself and then HE sang some Justin Beiber songs.

“They were all really, really stoned, man,” said our source.

To end the night, everyone at the party watched a few episodes of Hannah Montana.  “They were laughing for hours at the show.  They thought it was the funniest thing they’d every seen – that and their thumbs,” said our source.

Later, Miley found out that they weren’t watching Hannah Montana, they were watching iCarly.   Oh well… they were too high to care.

Here’s the link to TMZ for the video.  Remember, it’s not salvia:

MILEY SMOKING POT

ELECTION 2010 – Big loser:  marijuana remains  illegal in California.  Big winner: the McRib is back!

WWN once again led the country in election coverage.   Our reporters watched all the cable channels last night – at the same time.  We reported to each other what we saw on the TV.    We had up-to-the-second reports about what the pundits were saying.

Our analysts determined that the biggest winner of last night’s election was:  pot.  Proposition 19 went up in flames last night in California as the ballot initiative was not passed.  Marijuana will remain illegal in California.  Many stoners who supported the measure (and support being stoned) were upset – though it was hard to tell they were upset because they looked so numbed out.

Here’s a group of dejected stoners who fought hard for marijuana:

They worked the phones up until the last minute.  WWN analysts concluded that the problem was that most of the people managing the cannabis phonebanks were stoned.  “Instead of making 20-30 calls an hour, most of our pot phonebank callers only managed 2-3 calls an hour and they usually spent a few minutes talking about the double-rainbow,” said pot supporter, David de Andrade.

The big winner, however, was the McRib. This was also on the ballot in California (Proposition 22).  Voters in California overwhelmingly voted for the return of the McRib to McDonald’s restaurants all across the state.  Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger had banned the McRib due to its high calorie and high fat content.

But voters rejected Schwarzenegger’s push for “healthy living.”   If we want a thick, juicy, McRib drenched in barbecue sauce, we’re going to have it.  The state can’t tell us no!”  said a three-hundred pound McRib supporter, Hank Jorgenson.

The McRib proposition passed with 87% backing the return of the McRib.  Here’s a happy McRib supporter:

There are rumors that the marijuana supporters are going to try to get McDonald’s to add marijuana to the McRib recipe, but McDonald’s spokesperson, Tammy Weigle, said “we don’t want to ruin the McRib recipe, but we are considering offering pot brownies in California.  We’re just try it out in a few of restaurants in San Francisco first.  We think it’ll be a big seller up there.”

So, there you have it.  This is all you need to know about last night’s election:

Marijuana bad.

McRib good.

Now, go out and enjoy your day!

I’m madder than a hippie with a busted bong! Everywhere I look, I hear about how they want to make marijuana legal!

All my life I heard smoking that stuff made you a shiftless degenerate – and now the government wants to hand it out free to everybody!

It won’t really be “free,” of course – you and I are the ones paying for it. We have to work two or three jobs and cough up half our dough, so these lazy dope fiends can have their wild crazy parties and eat corn chips all day in their underpants!

My grandson heard at college that the Founding Fathers all grew that pot stuff, but you can’t convince me. If that was true, wouldn’t all their slaves have been laying around all day instead of picking cotton? How is that even “slavery” — it sounds more like “Saturday night”!

If the Founding Fathers were all stoned, Betsy Ross would’ve made a tie-die flag.  George Washington would’ve sat around giggling instead of crossing the Delaware.

The Declaration of Independence would’ve been crappy lyrics to a weird song about flowers and unicorns and how much they loved the King. And that Boston Tea Party would’ve been a whole different thing altogether!

If the government is gonna turn around and make all the “bad” things not just “good, but legal and FREE fifty years later, then just wait: in 2050, they’ll set up Free Cheeseburger Clinics and hand out french fries instead of needles.

But will old farts like me every get to make our own booze without getting in trouble, or get handed government cigars? Ha! We, the law-abiding citizens of the U. S. of A., get nothing but the shaft!

Want a little more Anger? Check out Ed’s own site at EdAnger360.com

LUXOR, EGYPT – A team of Archaeologists was attacked after removing an ancient marijuana stash from a priest’s tomb.

Fifteen days into an excavation led by Dr. Ellen Burnstein, her team removed a large bag of cannabis which had been interred with the head priest Neferatun.  The marijuana was considered sacred, and was used for divination.

That night, Dr. Burnstein and her team were attacked in their lab by a reanimated mummy.  Judging from the junk food in his hands and how long it took him to get there, it appears he stopped at a convenience store for snacks and got lost a few times on the way there.

After the six minutes the mummy spent caught in the door, he began moving towards the team and his sacred stash.  Several of the assistants and interns held the mummy off with Twinkies and a Phish double live album.  While it was occupied, Dr. Burnstein turned on a television in their break room then lured the mummy in with the leather satchel of cannabis.  The team was able to escape without injury.

“In my thirty plus years of archaeology, that was easily the slowest mummy I’ve ever seen.  Thankfully once the Yo Gabba Gabba show ended he just wandered off with his stash.”

Neferatun has since disappeared, but is believed to still be wandering the desert.