I’m madder than Ted Kennedy at a cash bar! Today’s May 1, the big commie holiday. Yeah, there are still some commies around – old Ed didn’t kill ‘em ALL off in Korea, though I tried my damndest! Got a few of ‘em right between the eyes up on Pork Chop Hill.

Those days are gone. We thought we’d beat the commies, thanks to Reagan the Great – but now there’s a commie in Reagan’s old job! Old Lady Thatcher said Reagan won the Cold War without firing a shot, but Obama won the White House without firing Hillary Clinton.

No, it didn’t take much to fool my fellow Americans. Our government owns the banks and the car companies, posters of Obama are all over the place – America’s turning into North Korea with 7-Elevens.

No wonder Joe McCarthy drank himself to death. Saving your fellow Americans from commies within is a thankless job. Now our colleges are full of them, plus Hollywood, and now Washington: rich people who want everybody to be poor!

And our kids wear t-shirts of that commie Cheeto Guava guy, who killed more people than Charles Manson. Stupid brats don’t realize their hero would strangle them with their own earphone cords for listening to rock & roll.

Their heroes are guys like that Jon Stewart, who just called Harry Truman a “war criminal” on his TV show! Son, that “war criminal” is one the reasons you’re a millionaire today and not a lampshade on Hirohito’s nightstand.

Soon we’re gonna wake up and find they’ve stuck a black beret on the Lincoln Memorial, and carved Castro’s face into Mount Rushmore. For the Communist-in-Chief, every day is May Day in America! We’re doomed!

LONDON, ENGLAND – Surprise surprise surprise!  After years of being hounded by conspiracy theorists and journalists from alternative publications, reporter Michael “Skipper” Entwistle finally got Margaret Thatcher to admit she is a zombie.  Irritated by the constant invasion of privacy, the former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom lashed out at Entwistle and tried to feast on his brain.

“She’s mighty spry for 83 years old… and for a zombie, but I outran her,” says the proud reporter.  Photographer Jim Daniel was not so lucky.  This is the last picture he took before throwing down his camera and storming off into the night.