FRANCE – Carla Bruni is back in the news. WWN first revealed that Bruni was immortal and was far beyond your mere first lady. Stay-tuned as more will follow tomorrow!

Recent findings reveal that French First Lady Carla Bruni has been alive since at least the early Hellenic Period. Dr. Andrei Cyriakis has uncovered artifacts off the coast of Sicily dating back to 300 BC which bear an unmistakable resemblance to the model/singer.

Dr. Cyriakis’ find would help explain several events since Bruni began her courtship with French Prime Minister Nicolas Sarkozy.

Last February a bus full of schoolchildren were saved from an avalanche near Lyon by what witnesses described as “a beautiful angel” wearing a designer Christian Dior dress similar to the one Bruni wore that evening to dinner with the Queen of Jordan.

Since her arrival in New York for the UN General Assembly, reports of street crime have dropped 83%. A woman matching Bruni’s description was seen flying away from an explosion at an abandoned warehouse in Queens shortly before her husband’s reception with the Eli Wiesel Humanitarian Foundation.

For reasons yet unknown Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was seen staring at Mrs. Bruni this morning at the United Nations building with clenched fists saying “Next time. Next time…”

Exactly how old she is or where she came from remain a mystery, but the scientific community and Weekly World News will keep searching for the truth.

WASHINGTON, DC – The US has proposed engaging in direct diplomacy with Iran, and President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad appears happy to participate.

On his sixth day in office, President Obama said he wished to engage in diplomacy with the rogue state.  Not long thereafter, a large vase of flowers arrived at the White House from Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad.

The note on the bouquet did not state directly whom they were from.  But Weekly World News investigators have discovered the text of the note which reads: “Your words are sweet like baklava at the end of a 40 day fast.  Yours, MA.”  Sources within the intelligence community confirm this is most likely from Mahmoud Ahmedinejad.

Exactly what this message may mean is still up for debate.  Though staunchly conservative, Arabic cultures allow much more affection to be shown between male friends.  It is possible that this is a culturally mistranslated note of thanks for extending a diplomatic hand.  However, sources within the CIA confirm that Ahmedinejad is a huge Meg Ryan fan, so it is also possible he was feeling sentimental at the time.

Contained within the bouquet was a 1987 Casio cassette player microphone.  Whether this was intended to be a recording device or contained a mix tape to the President is still unknown.

The Obama administration has made no comment about the flower delivery.  Plans to dispatch special envoy George Mitchell to the Middle East are still under way, but Mitchell has been spotted stocking up on Russell Stover chocolate boxes.

TEHRAN, IRAN – Iranian dictator Mahmoud Ahmedinejad shocked the world this week by appearing on a one hour Christmas special broadcast on the BBC.

“Iranian Mountain Holiday with Mahmoud Ahmedinejad” was broadcast on BBC World satellite television station, to the offense and confusion of many.

Greeting the world in a seasonal appliqué sweater, the Iranian dictator hosted the special featuring holiday songs, skits, and numerous special guests. Arabic pop singers and entertainer appeared on the show, taking place on a soundstage poorly constructed to look like a cabin in the mountains. In several of the scenes a boom mic or automatic rifle could be seen pointing at the entertainers.

Several puppets made out of burlap sacks with “US NAVY” still written on them appeared throughout the special, singing cheery songs with Ahmedinejad. Fatima Al-Shiraz, a classically trained Persian singer, brought the host and several members of the attending death squad to tears with her rendition of Silent Night.

Ahmedinejad then took a moment to have a fire-side chat directly with the audience. The despot called upon people of all faiths and backgrounds to come together in a spirit of peace and cooperation. He then gave a coded message to all his friends with an “Ahmedinejad Secret Decoder Pin.” The CIA has refused to comment on the messages translation.