NEW YORK, NY – Bernard Madoff was sentenced yesterday for committing the biggest ponzi scheme in history. The courts are insuring he serves as much time as possible.

NEW YORK, NY – Bernard Madoff will plead guilty to 11 charges on Thursday, but only with a very particular plea bargain.

NORTH POLE – Santa Claus has yet again been frozen in a block of ice.

PALM SPRINGS, FL – Continuing a terrible holiday season, Bernard Madoff was banned from Hanukkah celebrations with his family, causing him to spend the first day with an unlikely Jew – The Alien!

FT. LAUDERDALE, FL – During a short break from counseling Madoff investment victims, PhD Ape ran into a client begging for help – Elliot Spitzer!

NEW YORK, NY – Having been released on bail, Bernie Madoff is now open game for Bat Boy!

SENECA FALLS, W.VA – Bernard Madoff may be free on bail from fraud charges but Bat Boy has pledged to see him punished!