LOUISIANA – For the first time in U.S. history, vampire bats are attacking and killing citizens.

BATON ROUGE – Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal has proposed a same-sex marriage bill.

WASHINGTON – U.S. Army is now allowing minors to serve in the military in preparation for a war with Libya.

BATON ROUGE, LA- Teens are getting high on bath salts and bubble bath solutions.

DRUID HILLS, KY – Dead chickens dropped from the Kentucky sky this morning!

LABARRE, LA — Thousands of dead dropped form the sky in Pointe Coupee Parish on Monday.

NEW ORLEANS, LA – After an altercation with police Monday night, the half-man half-alligator mutant Manigator has been banned from Tuesday’s Mardi Gras celebrations.

BATON ROUGE, LA – After their crushing defeat in November the Republican Party was left with no clear leader. Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal hopes to fill the power vacuum, and has entered talks with Satan to do just that.

NEW ORLEANS, LA – In an attempt to further diversify her brood, Angelina Jolie has made a bold choice.

“Everybody here needs to lend me a helping hand because I’ve been doing pretty much all the work.”