You all can keep your Michelle Obama, with her fake smile and angry eyeballs and ropey arms!

As far as I’m concerned, the real First Lady of the U. S. of A. is the other Michelle – Michelle Malkin!

If you don’t know, because you’re either a commie hippie or a dingbat, Miss Michelle is a famous lady writer who’s as smart as a kennel full of border collies but a hundred times prettier!

I buy all her books, even if they’re sometimes too hard for me to figure out all the way through. I keep Miss Michelle’s books in the bathroom and read them a little bit at a time – or at a stretch, if my wife’s made her prize-winning prune whip again!

Michelle Malkin’s first book was “Lock ‘Em Up and Throw Away the Key!”, which was really good. The next one, “Looneybin Liberals Belong in the Crazy House!” was even better.

But Miss Michelle’s brand new book is her best ever. It’s called “Obama is a Crooked Commie Pinko From Chicago and So Are All His Damn Crazy Friends!!”

I bought it brand new and didn’t even wait for the paperback, so it had to be good! And it sure was, from what I could figure out!

I said before how much I love smart and beautiful lady writer Miss Ann Coulter, and I still do. But  lately Miss Michelle Malkin has stolen this old man’s shriveled up heart!

I’m glad FOX News puts Miss Michelle on TV every day now – it keeps Obama’s face from burning into my new plasmatic TV like he did the old one. (And he still hasn’t paid me for the replacement, dammit!)

So Miss Michelle, if you’re reading this: I pledge my love for you! Just don’t tell Mrs. Anger!! She might put something funny in my prune whip!