MOBILE, AL – On April 15th, patriots will meet all over this nation to celebrate Tax Day by staging massive tea parties.  The tea of choice on the menu – money!

Following in the conservative footprints of New American Tea founder, Rick Santelli, many Americans have decided to signal their displeasure with government spending, specifically the bailouts of selfish, ignorant home mortgage holders, by refusing to pay the government any taxes they owe on their 2008 returns.

Rather, they will steep that money for 1-3 minutes, depending on taste, and drink it down, savoring its patriotic flavor.

Speaking to a group of supporters, Santelli said, “Americans are finally waking up!  They can see with their own eyes what our government is trying to do with our tax money!  We can’t be fooled by the news networks who are in the pocket of the Obama Administration.  I don’t care that they say the Dow is up every day for the last week.”

“Where are my Dow points?  Huh?!  Can I buy another car with Dow points?  Can I pay rent on my Madison Avenue Condo with Dow points?!  NO!”

“But I can with my tax dollars!  Which is exactly why I, like tens of other patriots around this great nation, will refuse to pay any more taxes for 2008!  We are going to drink it instead!  Americans know how to use and spend their money better than the government.  This is proof positive of that!”

Protests are scheduled for Mobile, Alabama, Palm Beach, Florida, and Cleveland, Ohio, among one or two other locations.

However, the Palm Beach event has not been confirmed yet because organizers have not been able to raise the 500 dollars necessary to acquire a permit.

“All the money available for the event has already been tied up in the tea,” Ralph King, event organizer told reporters.

“Its literally tied up.  We bought cheese cloth and twine and put our money inside.  Steve from Steve’s Hardware on Main Street tied them off.  And anyone who knows Steve, knows that guy can sure tie a knot.”

Check out the swinging anthem protesters will be singing come April 15th:

BOSTON, MA – Rick Santelli plans to throw the world’s most expensive Tea Party to protest of the Stimulus Plan, serving hundred dollar bills steeped in hot water!

Santelli is an arch-conservative CNBC reporter, who has received a lot of media coverage over the last week for an on-air rant decrying government spending and waste embodied, he says, by the passing of the recent stimulus bill.

His new organization, The New American Tea Party, acting like an umbrella organization encompassing several fiscally conservative political watch and advocacy groups, aims at undermining the stimulus by preventing the funds from reaching their assigned targets.

“There is so much pork in this bill it would give the healthiest man a heart attack!”  Santelli bellowed on CNBC.  “Millions here for the arts.  Millions there for roads.  What’s a couple hundred million for unemployment benefits?!  Sure, why not?  Lets encourage people not to get jobs.  Let’s just give them more taxpayer money to not work and not pay taxes which would go to someone else who is not working!”

“It’s lunacy!”

Santelli’s organization is working closely with conservative lawmakers, specifically governors and state legislators who will most directly receive stimulus funds.

“We’ve already had somewhere in the ballpark of 50 million dollars of stimulus money pledged by local lawmakers for use in the tea party,” Santelli says in a blog posting on the groups website.

“Rather than that money going to these ridiculous and wasteful pet projects, we are going to proverbally put it our pipes and smoke it!  But rather than smoking it, we’ll be drinking it.  In our tea.  Literally.”

Inspired by the Boston Tea Party, which famously threw crates of tea into the Boston Harbor rather than have it sold for inflated prices and with outlandish taxes, the New American Tea Party will in fact steep hundreds of hundred dollar bills in near-boiling water.

“I’m going to drink it down and urinate it out!  I plan to show that the stimulus money will be as effective at stimulating the economy as my urine will be to stimulate my lawn.  Which is un-stimulating!  It will kill my lawn!  And the stimulus will kill the economy!”

UPDATE: The Tea Party organization has released a suggested recipe for upcoming parties. Click here to read!