NEW YORK, NY – Lindsay Lohan is in the news again and it comes as no surprise that it isn’t for something good!

Lindsay Lohan is not a “milkaholic” and she’s demanding $100M for being called one. Well, she wasn’t necessarily called a “milkaholic” to the face but Lohan claims that a recent eTrade commercials includes a jab directed towards her. Lohan has launched a lawsuit against eTrade seeking $100M in damages and recurring that the commercial be pulled.

The commercial depicts a couple of babies having a web chat in which they discuss a missed date the night before. The boy responds that he’s sorry but that he was working on his portfolio. The suspicious “girlfriend” asks, “And that milkaholic Lindsay wasn’t over?” “Lindsay?” the boy responds hesitantly. Then another baby enters the scenes and exclaims, “Milk-a-what?!”

The ad first aired during this year’s Super Bowl and the eTrade spots featuring babies have been fan favorites. Lindsay Lohan is not a fan and she is pouting.

“They’re using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn’t they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message. Everybody’s talking about it and saying it’s Lindsay Lohan,” said Lohan’s lawyer Stephanie Ovadia.

Ovadia also dared to suggest that Lohan has elevated ‘Lindsay’ to the same recognition status as “Madonna’ or ‘Cher’. That an incredibly daring claim and many will find that hard to believe. It’s more likely to believe that when one think of ‘Lindsay’ [Lohan] they’ll probably think drug abuse, failed rehabs, countless club nights, questionable relationships and oh yea, “Herbie: Fully Loaded” She couldn’t reach the level of ‘Madonna” with an airplane.

Check out the “milkaholic” below.

HAMPTONS, NY – The demands on his time proving to be too great this week for individual attention, PhD invited three of his clients to a group therapy session at his posh oceanside retreat.

Lindsay Lohan, Dog The Bounty Hunter and Susan Boyle are each on their way from Los Angeles, Atlanta, and London respectively to join PhD Ape, therapist to the stars, at his summer home in the Hamptons. There, they will enjoy a relaxing long weekend of walking on the beach, poolside barbecues and group therapy.

“While I typically stress the importance of extensive one-on-one interaction with my clients, sometimes it is even more beneficial to put several clients in a room together so that they gain the unique insight of each other’s experiences,” PhD Ape said during a conference call to reporters.

“This is one of those times.”

Lindsay Lohan, one of the media’s prime targets as of late, especially after her high profile breakup with lesbian lover, Samantha Ronson, is said to have called PhD Ape following a night of partying.

“I received a call from Lindsay very early in the morning, it couldn’t have been later than five in the morning.” PhD Ape said.  “She was crying and she told me that she needed things to change.  She wanted her reputation and her career and her money back.”

“I said, Lindsay, come stay with me this weekend.  I’m getting some people together, and I think it will be very good for you.”

Dog the Bounty Hunter, no stranger to mixed press himself, found himself in the news after being shot at during a failed attempt at apprehending a suspected murderer.

“Usually the one doing the shooting, Dog was very shaken up at literally have the gun turned on him,” PhD ape continued during the conference call.

“It’s been a long time since Dog has called me for help or guidance, but we are good friends and my home is open to him this weekend as well.”

“Dog, in the prime of his career, and Lindsay seemingly at the end of hers, are great counterparts to help me give guidance and support to my newest client, Ms. Susan Boyle.”

Internet darling turned reality-TV star, Boyle, famous for her singing in YouTube videos, has found the limelight of fame to be more invasive than she imagined.

“Its a big contrast from singing by yourself in your living room to being featured on one of Britain’s most popular television programs.  And to now have the British paparazzi camped outside her home, it’s very overwhelming for Susan.”

“I think she can learn a lot from Dog and Lindsay.  On the surface these three have little in common, but at the heart of it, their concerns are the same.”

“Lindsay is the poster child for what not to do as a celebrity, and Susan needs to take those lessons to heart if she doesn’t want to end up washed out after just a few years of success.  And Lindsay herself can take some cues from Susan.  Her modesty and self-control, albeit very early in her career, I hope will inspire Lindsay to turn a leaf backwards and become that perky red headed little girl we all fell in love with so many years ago.”

“Proverbially, of course.”

LOS ANGELES, CA – Film director Quentin Tarantino is the guest celebrity mentor on American Idol this week, and contestants are upping their game to impress him.

During this season of American Idol, singer Randy Travis mentored during the country music week, and Smokey Robinson helped out for the Motown competition. Tarantino will spend Tuesday counseling the remaining seven singers while they rehearse movie songs.

The show’s producers stated that Tarantino only agreed to appear if he was allowed to add a twist. During the actual competition, contestants will be paired up and forced to sing while battling onstage!

“I just think, you know, if these kids want to make it in Hollywood, they need to be able to do all kinds of stuff, okay? Singing, dancing, acting, groin attacks. You can’t just get by on, you know, one skill anymore, right? Okay? Just look at, you know, Lindsay Lohan. She’s doing whatever she can to get by, right? Right. Right?”

The show will begin with Allison Iraheta and Lil Rounds acting out the climactic “House of Blue Leaves” fight of Kill Bill 1, while singing “Staying Alive” by The Bee Gees. Matt Giraud and Kris Allen will take on Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader’s duel from Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back. Giraud will lose a fake right hand during the climax of “My Heart Will Go On.”

Danny Gokey, and Anoop Desai will then stage Inigo Montoya and the Dread Pirate Robert’s swordfight from The Princess Bride, choreographed to the famous tune “Footloose”. Finally, favored-to-win Adam Lambert will act alone, portraying Edward Norton vs. Himself in “Fight Club”. He will attempt to sing “Stand By Me” while repeatedly punching himself in the mouth.

]]> http://weeklyworldnews.com/celebs/7571/quentin-tarantino-on-american-idol/feed/ 1 Gerry Dorsey american_idol_combat http://weeklyworldnews.com/celebs/7399/lindsay-lohan-hit-with-restraining-order/ http://weeklyworldnews.com/celebs/7399/lindsay-lohan-hit-with-restraining-order/#comments Tue, 07 Apr 2009 15:13:50 +0000 Allie Pruitt http://weeklyworldnews.com/?p=7399 ]]>

BEVERLY HILLS, CA – Lindsay Lohan needs counseling, not a restraining order.

After an eventful and dramatic evening at the Chateau Marmont on Friday, the Ronson family is placing a restraining order on Ms. Lohan.

Lohan, Samantha Ronsons ex-girlfriend, has gone insane! Samantha’s family held an intervention last week to express their deep concern while encouraging Sam to stay clear of the “drug-induced” Lohan.

Insiders from the Beverly Hills Police Department overheard Ronson’s mother and sister, designer Charlotte, talking to a clerk Monday afternoon about how to “send a message” to Lohan to inform her of the nasty news.
The BHPD clerk apparently told the duo that a restraining order would be the “best option.” If Lindsay “violates it, then she gets taken away.”

Charlotte had nothing but wonderful words to say about Lohan. “She does these things to get attention… She was trying to get into my party this weekend. We had had to tell security to keep her out. Then she booked a room at the Chateau Marmont. Her room was right below [us]… She also followed our brother Mark around.”
“Lindsay was doing drugs,” Ann continued. “She got up illegally to our room… She does these acts of public humiliation. It is all for attention,” Charlotte continued.

Is Lindsay really trying that hard to fit in with the Ronson family? We think Lohan needs to spend some quality time with PhD Ape. His insight and inspiration will surely straighten her up and get her back on the right track!
PhD Ape is the answer – NOT a fourth time at rehab.

http://perezhilton.com/2009-04-07-ronson-family-to-file-restraining-order-against-lohan

LOS ANGELES, CA – During a tumultuous weekend, starlet Lindsay Lohan let loose a torrent of anger on her Twitter account. What caused this outburst? Ronson has gone astray!

Last week, the LA police department issued an arrest warrant for Lohan, stemming from a 2007 arrest for a DUI and hit-and-run. She also got into a vicious fight with her girlfriend, Samantha Ronson, Saturday afternoon, while a crowd of paparazzi and cops sat outside.

Very early that morning,  a “tweet” on Lohan’s Twitter account, stated the following confusing message:

should you end it if the one person in the world fails to love, hold/comfort, apologize, and CHERISH you the night before jail? LIARS R COWARDS cuz they don’t know what they got til it is far gone. and people-if you fucking love someone. PUT UR PRIDE A-f***ing-SIDE AND JUST LOVE THEM BACK! do not ever dj before calling if they ARE F***ING ABOUT TO GET ARRESTED FOR CHASING YOU TO MAKE YOU STAY

What triggered this breakdown? Weekly World News sources have now confirmed that Ronson was spotted at her DJ gig that same evening, getting frisky with Tonya, the World’s Fattest Cat!

A close friend said, “Word got back to Lindsay pretty quickly about Sam’s new ‘acquaintance’. She went ballistic! She spends so much time dieting and watching her weight, and then Sam turns around and starts eyeing up big girls?”

Tonya is well-known for being addicted to the spotlight. She has romanced Ricky Gervais and Daniel Craig, appeared on “Deal or No Deal” and “Jon and Kate Plus 8”, and even leant support to big girls Oprah and Jessica Simpson. But stealing another woman’s woman? “This is an all new low for Tonya,” said the source.

Ronson had reportedly promised Tonya that she would DJ the Meow Mix Benefit for Feline Obesity, but it’s doubtful Lohan will let her off the short leash any time soon.

Manigator has tossed Paris aside for a new overexposed celebrity.

Although reported to be dating the recently single Paris Hilton, it appears that Manigator has set his reptilian sights on the newest rumored single lady: Lindsay Lohan.

Lindsay began seeing British DJ Samantha Ronson this past year. While the press speculated on the nature of their relationship for some time, Lohan has recently been very open about the two being in love.

But recent reports of the Lindsay and Sam seeking couples counseling has led some to believe the relationship is on its way out. And the Manigator has spotted his way in! While unaware of Ellen’s preferences when he courted her, he has only been further tempted by Lindsay’s bisexuality and believes he can turn her to his interspecial ways.

Manigator has been showing up at Sam’s DJing nights wearing his own special swamp-brewed cologne, a mixture of rotting vegetation and moonshine. Thus far his efforts to persuade Lindsay have been moot, as evidenced by her latest Facebook post:

oy vey! rumors…

just to clear this up… because i have been getting a lot of emails asking me this one question.

manigator and lindsay lohan (me) are NOT getting together

i know what was published but i did NOT make out with him (it?) last night.

he got kicked out after like five minutes cause he bit a bouncer!

so over men. and half-men.

take care
xxLL