LOS ANGELES – The judge threw the book at Lindsay Lohan today, sentencing her to life in prison.

HOLLYWOOD – Lindsay Lohan posed for her photo spread in Playboy and reportedly was paid $2.5 million.

LOS ANGELES – At her probation hearing today, Lindsay Lohan was order to live in a morgue for ninety days.

HOLLYWOOD – Sorry Charlie, but the 2011 Angels are done. BUT ABC signed three new Angels: Lindsay Lohan, Amanda Knox and Casey Anthony.

BOSTON – The Patriots have signed their 2011 Cheerleading Team. Doug Flutie’s daughter is a rookie on the team.

HOLLYWOOD – Lindsay Lohan tweeted Chris Brown asking to hook-up. They did. And now they’re a couple.

TRIPOLI, Libya — Col. Muammar el-Qaddafi is hoping a love connection with Jennifer Aniston, or some other Hollywood beauty, will salvage his world image.

HOLLYWOOD – Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries tied the knot tonight at The White House!

LOS ANGELES – Lindsay Lohan wore a Glavis White Dress to court yesterday and now female defendants across the country are wearing the dress to court!

HOLLYWOOD – Charlie Sheen announced today that when he gets out of rehab he will be adopting seven porn stars and living with them in a new home.