LOS ANGELES, CA – Lindsay Lohan reported this week that a series of incendiary Twitter posts were not made by her, they were made by her doppelganger that is out to get her.

Over a series of posts to her Twitter account, Lindsay Lohan angered several of her celebrity friends.  Lohan immediately shot back that she would never say such things, and certainly not post them in a public forum.  At first she believed this was merely the work of a lone hacker.  Now she believes that it is the calculating work of a doppelganger, set on destroying her.

This theory also explains some of Lohan’s more extreme behavior over the past few years.  When compromising pictures of Lohan were published and she claimed to have no memory of doing such things, the public and Lindsay herself simply attributed it to her excessive substance abuse.  Now it appears that this was the work of an evil double out to destroy her character and career.

Last night the assailant made a mistake, and Lindsay spotted her evil look-alike outside a popular club in New York City.  The doppelganger tried to slip away, but Lindsay ran up and grabbed her.  Lohan seemed shocked to see someone who looked exactly like her, only darker and more evil.  A fight quickly broke out between the two.

Unfortunately for Lohan, her other self appeared to know kung fu.  Refusing to admit defeat, Lindsay kept getting back up and talking trash despite receiving several strong blows to the head.  Eventually the doppelganger ran into a waiting Escalade and disappeared into the night.  Lindsay had to be helped up to her car by several strangers and received 4 stitches to the back of her head at a private clinic.

Lohan is now making sure that all of her friends and business associates know she has an evil doppelganger that is out to take over her life. Whether this is a doppelganger or a long-lost evil twin remains unclear.  Some film experts are investigating Lohan’s early movie The Parent Trap to see if that was actually trick photography that was used, or if Lindsay really has a twin that was left behind and forgotten.

If you are being harassed by your doppelganger, take no immediate action and call the police immediately.  Further helpful information can be found on the government’s website fbi.gov/eviltwins.

LOS ANGELES, CA – During a tumultuous weekend, starlet Lindsay Lohan let loose a torrent of anger on her Twitter account. What caused this outburst? Ronson has gone astray!

Last week, the LA police department issued an arrest warrant for Lohan, stemming from a 2007 arrest for a DUI and hit-and-run. She also got into a vicious fight with her girlfriend, Samantha Ronson, Saturday afternoon, while a crowd of paparazzi and cops sat outside.

Very early that morning,  a “tweet” on Lohan’s Twitter account, stated the following confusing message:

should you end it if the one person in the world fails to love, hold/comfort, apologize, and CHERISH you the night before jail? LIARS R COWARDS cuz they don’t know what they got til it is far gone. and people-if you fucking love someone. PUT UR PRIDE A-f***ing-SIDE AND JUST LOVE THEM BACK! do not ever dj before calling if they ARE F***ING ABOUT TO GET ARRESTED FOR CHASING YOU TO MAKE YOU STAY

What triggered this breakdown? Weekly World News sources have now confirmed that Ronson was spotted at her DJ gig that same evening, getting frisky with Tonya, the World’s Fattest Cat!

A close friend said, “Word got back to Lindsay pretty quickly about Sam’s new ‘acquaintance’. She went ballistic! She spends so much time dieting and watching her weight, and then Sam turns around and starts eyeing up big girls?”

Tonya is well-known for being addicted to the spotlight. She has romanced Ricky Gervais and Daniel Craig, appeared on “Deal or No Deal” and “Jon and Kate Plus 8”, and even leant support to big girls Oprah and Jessica Simpson. But stealing another woman’s woman? “This is an all new low for Tonya,” said the source.

Ronson had reportedly promised Tonya that she would DJ the Meow Mix Benefit for Feline Obesity, but it’s doubtful Lohan will let her off the short leash any time soon.