WASHINGTON, DC – White House ghosts are terrorizing White House Staff and the First Family.

McLEAN, VA – Abraham Lincoln has inspired Americans for generations, but it was just revealed that he was a slave owner.

BOURBON COUNTY – Killer Cows, first discovered in South Texas last year, ambled into Kansas today. Local residents are frightened.

Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy were two of the greatest U.S. Presidents, and they are forever linked by an incredible series of eerie similarities.

LEXINGTON, KY – Despite repeated comparisons, Abraham Lincoln was more different from Barack Obama than you ever could have imagined.

SPRINGFIELD, IL – In a move widely seen as political pandering, the Governor of Illinois announced an unusual choice for Obama’s seat in the Senate.