CLEVELAND, OH – The Cleveland Browns are on the look-out for a new leader after Coach Crennel went missing under supernatural circumstances.

In a bizarre act, eerily reminiscent of the Samuel Jackson death scene in the movie “Deep Blue Sea” (video below), Cleveland Browns coach Romeo Crennel was swallowed whole this morning by the Lake Erie Monster upon returning back from Philadelphia at the Burke Lakefront Airport in Cleveland, Ohio.

A local photographer took vivid shots of the crime:

According to eyewitnesses on the scene, Crennel had assembled the team on the tarmac at the Burke airport on the shores of Lake Erie. After the 4-10 Browns deplaned, Crennel asked the weary team to huddle up for a motivational talk.

Crennel stood in front of his men and told them, “Nature can be lethal, but it doesn’t hold a candle to man. Now you’ve seen how bad things can get, and how quick they can get that way. Well, they can get a whole lot worse.  So we’re not going to fight anymore. We’re going to pull together and we’re going to find a way to get out of here. First, we are going to score a touch-”.

Before the embattled Coach could finish his speech, a long-necked sea monster rose out of the frigid waters and devoured the coach in front of his team.

U.S. Coast Guard petty officer Byron Firdelis, an ardent Browns supporter, told reporters that the Cleveland-based Lake Erie Coast Guard would not initiate a search for Crennel. Firdelis said, “We can’t take the risk of jeopardizing men in the search for a Coach that has now had 3 10-loss seasons in 4 years.  Besides, Crennel is not a strong swimmer. Our recommendation to Browns management is to finalize discussions with Bill Cowher as quickly as possible.”

LONG ISLAND SOUND, NY – The Lake Erie Monster tried out for the Saturday Night Live auditions to find new female cast members.

Star member Amy Poehler departed from the show after giving birth, leaving the show in dire straits. With only two female cast members left, Saturday Night Live quickly put out the call for interested parties to audition. Little did they know what it would bring up from the murky depths…

The Lake Erie Monster was able to make her way into the try-outs and did the only impression she has: Sarah Palin. Her 60-second audition consisted of her alternating between shouting, “Maverick!” over and over again and winking at the camera.

She was seemingly oblivious to the fact that former cast member Tina Fey had shot the show to ratings heaven with her own Palin impression just a few weeks back. Lorne Michaels was not amused. Comedians Abby Elliott and Michaela Watkins were chosen and introduced in last Saturday’s episode.

It is believed that Lemmie (as she refers to be called) was only allowed to audition because of Affirmative Action, which has recently been broadened to include cryptids. After being rejected, she cried hysterically for four seconds and then re-submerged into Long Island Sound, leaving only a trail of mascara behind.

Is this the last we’ll see of the Lake Erie diva? This Weekly World News writer thinks not.

]]> http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/3854/snl-rejects-lake-erie-monster/feed/ 1 Garrett Hawley lemmiesnl