LAS VEGAS, NV – Tanya Angus was a perfectly healthy 20 year old woman, when she noticed that her clothes were beginning to not fit.

At the time she was 5′ 11″ and 115 pounds. But ten years later, she now stands at 6′ 6″ and 480 pounds, and continues to grow. After multiple misdiagnoses, Angus was finally told she is suffering from acromegaly, often associated with gigantism.

Acromegaly is a syndrome in which the pituitary gland produces excessive amounts of human growth hormone. There are a number of causes that can create this problem, but unfortunately for Angus, she has the most common and most difficult to treat.

A brain tumor has wrapped itself around her pituitary gland, causing the overproduction of hormone. Doctors have performed multiple surgeries to remove the tumor but it repeatedly grows back.

In 1999, when Angus began growing out of her shoes and suffering from headaches, she went to a few local doctors to get checked out. Unfortunately, they all dismissed her complaints as minor issues. It was not until Angus moved back to Las Vegas that her sister immediately recognized something was wrong and got her properly diagnosed.

Now, Angus may suffer permanently due to how long she was afflicted before being treated. Doctors have yet to find a treatment that can help her. She decided to come forward and speak to the media so that others may learn from her predicament and get treated early.

Acromegaly affects 2 out of 1,000,000 per year. Some other well known acromegaly sufferers include actor Paul Benedict and self-help expert Tony Robbins.

The most recognizable victim may be pro-wrestler Andre the Giant. One of the WWF’s most famous wrestlers, Andre was billed anywhere from 6′ 10″ to 7′ 4″ tall and 500-565 pounds. He went on to famously play a gentle giant in the film The Princess Bride After refusing to be treated for his condition, he died at the early age of 46 due to cardiac complications.

LAS VEGAS, NV – Returning for a one night performance, magicians Siegfried and Roy took to the stage to dazzle audiences one last time.  For their final illusion, they made longtime rival Cher disappear.

At a special charity event, Siegfried and Roy performed again for the first time since Roy was injured by one of their signature white tigers six years ago.  For their final trick, the duo presented an empty cage, held a curtain over it for a moment, then removed it to reveal a white tiger.  They then replaced the curtain briefly, and removed it to reveal a confused and visibly disturbed Cher in the cage with the tiger.

Witnesses from the front rows could hear the Academy Award winning singer/actress say, “What…  Where am I?  What’s going on?”  Her speech and movements suggested she may have been drugged.

Raising the curtain one final time, the illusionists removed it to reveal an empty cage.  Cher’s whereabouts at this time are still unknown.

A heated rivalry has existed between the singer and the magicians for decades.  Though not officially documented, the rift is believed to have originated when Cher accepted her Academy Award in an outfit she stole from the German magicians.  Since then they have competed with increasingly flamboyant outfits, extravagant spectacle in their shows, and sheer volume of sequins on stage at any given time.  Her recent 200-show deal at Caesar’s Palace was seen as the final straw.

When news got around Las Vegas that the magicians had made Cher vanish, her most devoted fans went into an uproar.  Dozens of drag queens and Cher impersonators rushed to the theater.  Security guards were quickly trampled under stiletto heels in a violent frenzy of wigs and black fishnets.  However, the magicians had already left the building.

No charges have been filed yet for Cher’s apparent kidnapping.

Siegfried and Roy were last seen riding into the sunset on their white tiger, followed closely by a legion of angry drag queens.

LAS VEGAS, NV – The Death Ray app has made its premiere at the popular Consumer Electronics Show amidst drama and fear.

Dr. Michael Heinous previewed the application to many curious industry insiders.  The program, when downloaded, would give any iPhone death ray capabilities, but Heinous is in works to make the technology available on PDAs and car GPS systems.

Attendees were allowed to download trial versions of the program at booth 1274, located between the DDRGame booth and a hot dog cart. Thus far, only two deaths have been reported.

Dr. Heinous arrived at the trade show after using his Hover Technology ™ to transfer the entire Colorado State University campus to San Diego for the winter.  The action, dubbed criminally insane by state authorities, did secure his position as head of the CSU’s Evil Science department.

Steve Jobs has gone on record voicing his opposition to both death rays and open source software, and Apple is currently taking legal action to block the spread of this software.  Dr. Heinous has said if the ban goes through he will retaliate by taking San Francisco hostage.

No word yet on whether Mr. Jobs will use his transgender android body to defend the city.

LAS VEGAS, NV – President-Elect Obama’s streak of intergalactic bad luck continues this week as the Installation Commander of Area 51 refused to hand over the keys.

Earlier in the week it was reported that the Obama Transition Team has been clashing with NASA over the qualifications of representatives assigned to work with the organization.

Obama traveled to Las Vegas yesterday to create space between his Transition Team and the investigation into embattled Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich.

Under the cloak of a quick gambling trip, Obama slipped away to the top-secret military installation.

While the United States government and military has never confirmed the existence of aliens and UFOs at Area 51, Weekly World News has reported the facts for years.

Unconfirmed reports explain that the President-Elect arrived outside Area 51 sometime between four and six in the morning and spent at least 45 minutes attempting to gain access to the facility.

A Weekly World News hidden microphone picked up fragments of the conversation between Obama and the military personnel.

President-Elect Obama was heard saying, “Aw, come on!  This is the whole reason I ran for President!  Give me the keys, already!”

It is believed that after his inauguration, in addition to the black book of nuclear codes, Obama will finally receive a set of keys to Area 51.