NEW YORK – Ginger Lee held a press conference with her lawyer, Gloria Allred.   The topic: Weiner’s package.

Ginger Lee, the former porn star, broke her silence today about Anthony Weiner.  She stood with her attorney, Gloria Allred and spoke about her online relationship with the New York Congressman.

Lee said she first had online contact with Weiner in March.  She is a big supporter of Planned Parenthood and she thought he was a good advocate for the organization.  Weiner, however, had other ideas.  He kept telling her about his “package.”

She also said that Weiner told her to lie about her online relationship with her.   He advised her how to deceive reporters and the public.

Lee did not want to talk about his “package” – either on Twitter or via email – and tried to steer her online conversations back to Planned Parenthood.  But Weiner was persistent.

“You’ve never seen a package like mine before. I guarantee it.  And it can last all night.  Talk about a filibuster?”  Weiner emailed.

“You ever get a package from New York City?  The BIG Apple?”  Weiner tweeted.  “You think the Statue of Liberty is big?  Forget about it,  wait until you see this.”

“I want to send you a special Congressional package.   You like the Constitution?… I’ll give you the Constitution, wrapped around my little Anthony.  Whoa… this thing is bopping up and down just thinking about you putting your hands on my big John Hancock.”  Weiner tweeted.

Lee just wants to get back to her life as a “featured dancer” at a Strip Club.  Being associated with Weiner’s package has caused her to lose out on some significant tips.  Allred estimated that Lee has lost between 100 and 150 “feature” lap dances since the scandal broke.

Lee thinks that Weiner should resign.  “He doesn’t have any good morality,” she said.

Lee also announced that she is running for Weiner’s seat in Congress and has promised  free lap dances to the 1,000 donors to her campaign.

NEW YORK –  Sexy stripper moves can kill!

Strip clubs are not taking this reality lightly. Hundreds of exotic dance clubs have taken action in recent weeks after a man in a New York City strip club died of a heart attack after a private lap dance with – Chastity.

It was a lap dance of death!

The death occurred last month at Frank’s Cabaret on Manhattan’s west side. According to police reports, a 34-year-old banker had the lethal lap dance soon after imbibing in the club’s “Surf and Turf Tuesday” special.

Sources confirm he also had “maybe 3 or 4  Jack and Cokes, nothing crazy.”

According to Joey McNeil, manager at the well-known gentleman’s club, “The guy must have had a pre-existing condition or something. I mean, don’t get me wrong, this girl was cute, but she’s not heart attack cute. Most dudes start breathing heavy and all that. But a freakin’ heart attack? Get outta here! I couldn’t believe it.”

The club’s owners, on the other hand, took the event very seriously.  Strippers across the nation kept their thongs on for a week in honor of the fallen banker.  Clubs also bought multiple defibrillators and now require wait, dance, and security staff to complete CPR training – whether on the pole or off.

“Coco,” a Frank’s dancer, is not happy about the changes. “One minute we’re not supposed to touch a customer’s skin, the next minute I have to give him mouth-to-mouth. Isn’t that what he wants? Men are going to start faking heart attacks left and right. All I know is a guy has got to be blue before I’ll put my lips on his.”

Clubs from Miami to Portland have purchased defibrillators to keep behind the bar in case of  similar incidents. Some customers are requesting Defibrillator Lap Dances, but the strippers are ordered to use them only on the unconscious.

Mickey “Smooth” LaMonte, who owns Club LaMonte in Portland, Oregon said, “Our club is already a heart attack waiting to happen. We got a decent $5.00 steak dinner served all day, every day. Not to mention, the hottest dancers in town.”

“We’d be morons not to get a defibrillator. Me and some of the ladies even learned how to use one. I can’t have nobody dying on me in here. I can’t have people not paying their tabs either, you know what I mean?”

Rhinebeck, NY -  Bill Clinton threw a wild bachelor party last night for his future son-in-law, Marc Mezvinsky. Chelsea Clinton wasn’t happy.

Bill Clinton insisted on throwing a bachelor party for his future son-in-law, over the strong objections of his beautiful daughter, Chelsea.  But when Bill wants something, Bill gets it.  And what he wanted was… girls, girls, girls!

The former President brought in seventy-five strippers, pole dancers, and contortionists to the “whipped-cream” themed party held for Marc Mezvinsky at the Veranda House in Rhinebeck.  Marc was reluctant, but Bill told him, “You’re a Clinton now son, so you have to embrace the Clinton traditions.”

Mezvinsky informed Bill that Chelsea was taking his last name, “She’s dropping the Clinton entirely, sir.” A naked Bill Clinton stood up, dropped the stripper off his lap and punched Mezvinsky in the face, “The hell she is!  She’s never taking your name, unless you run for President or she runs for President, then she’ll take your name, but that’s just because the moron voters of America like it that way. She’ll always be a Clinton. Now go get me some more grain alcohol”

Clinton did a fuzzy navel jell-o shot off a half-naked bartender, but she scolded him. “My navel isn’t that low, Mr. President.”  Al Gore showed up at the Bachelor Party with a gaggle of massage therapists. During the party Gore had several happy ending massages.  He also had happy ending pole-dances, a happy ending game of pool and a happy ending coat-check. As a gift to the groom, Gore wanted to personally give Mezvinsky a happy ending, but Mezvinsky was too busy trying to keep Gina Gershon from pulling his pants down. Gershon was at the party as a “favor” to Bill.

Surprisingly, Hillary Clinton decided to attend. “Why should Bill and Marc have all the fun?”  Hillary, dressed as a stripper, was rolled out in a cage. She did a burlesque striptease for her future son-in-law, who tried to look away, but James Carville held his head in place.  “Look at your mother-in-law. You try and tell me that ain’t the next President of the United States!”

In an incoherent and rambling speech, Bill Clinton said that he was giving Marc a nickname.  “Everyone calls me Bubba, so I think it’s only fitting that Marc have a similar name. From now on you’ll be known as Boo-Boo. We’ll be Bubba and Boo-Boo. Now go get me some weed!”

The lowlight of the night was when George H.W. Bush and George W. Bush showed up and did The Full Monty for the crowd. But Hillary couldn’t take her eyes off W.  “I think I’m in love. Either that or I’m in hell.” After Bill passed out cigars to all the guys, the party quickly got out of hand and… well, WWN can’t reveal everything that happened but a lot of girls are going to be saving their blue dresses.

Some pictures from the bash:

Marc getting a lap dance

Hillary in a cage

Marc and some of Al Gore's massage therapists

Girls Waiting Their Turn to Meet Bill

CLARK COUNTY, NV – The federal government has been getting creative during the economic recession, but have they gone too far this time?

Government insiders revealed to Weekly World News that for the past month, the infamous Area 51 military base has been transformed into the galaxy’s hottest nightclub. “Studio 51″ is a twenty-thousand square-foot dance club designed to suck the space currency right out of aliens’ wallets.

“We realized that the most efficient way to inject money into the local and national economy was to court the alien dollar,” said an unidentified general. “They can buy $1000 U.S. with just one dloran!” Dlorans are the most universally accepted form of currency in the galaxy, and aliens are throwing them left and right at this new hot spot!

The general explained, “We’ve incorporated nitrogen-based beverages, four-dimensional mirror balls and music with frequencies we can’t even scientifically explain. But we had to draw the line at lap dances. There was no way to regulate it.

“I mean, have you seen some of these females? We can’t make heads or tails of them. Literally.”