LIVERPOOL, U.K -  The Mersey Monster has reappeared!

The “monster” was snapped off Seacombe Ferry at 9am yesterday by photographer Mark Harrison.

Paul Renolds, from the Blue Planet Aquarium, who studied the photos, said: “It is virtually impossible to actually identify, but this is the time of year when large numbers of basking sharks, the second largest shark species in the world after whale sharks, head towards waters off the Isle of Man.”

He added: “If it is not a basking shark, it could be a smaller species of whale or a dolphin because there are around 23 different species in UK waters.”

MICHIGAN – A rare breed of Angel Fish, was discovered in Lake Superior

Last weekend, fisherman out on Lake Superior were shocked to discover a large school of fish near the Canadian border.    A few of the fisherman put on scuba gear to have a closer look and were shocked at what they saw.

“I’ve never seen such beautiful fish.  They were mesmerizing.  Each of them were about ten inches long and about four inches wide.  They didn’t seem to swim as much as they glided through the water.”

If you notice, the face of the Angel Fish looks like Taylor Swift.  This is something that was captured by one of the Michigan fishermen, and was only a temporary sighting.  The angel fish seemed to “glow” in the image of Swift and Katy Perry and Reese Witherspoon.  “It was the damnedest thing.  One second it’s a fish head and the next moment there’s Reese Witherspoon looking right at me,” said Charlie Blanca of Flint.

“It’s not an uncommon occurrence,” said marine biologist Barton Combs.  “It’s a little know fact, but fish heads can morph naturally.  There must have been an old magazine floating in the water with Taylor Swift’s picture on it.   The fish came in contact with the magazine and took on the image.  Temporarily, of course.”

Since the sighting last weekend, there have been hundreds of sightings of the Angel Fish.  People are coming to Lake Superior from as far as away as Guam and Cambodia to see these “miracle fish.”   Many people feel that if they swim in the water – the cold water of Lake Superior – and float with the Angel Fish for a short time, they can be healed.  “It’s like seeing the Virgin Mary in a taco shell, but better,” said Angelina Moreno of Rosarito, Mexico.

Is it possible that these Angel Fish can heal the sick?

“The simple answer is: yes,” said Combs.  “These fish seem to release healing enzymes into the water and if a human absorbs these enzymes through their skin, they can have a powerful effect on their immune system.”

So go to Lake Superior… and swim with the Angel Fish!

Chicago, IL — Last night a brave South Side fireman took on the Chicago River Monster, who had been dormant for the last fifty-seven years.

The 200-ton reptile that first terrorized Chicago residents back in 1953 emerged again last night. The monster would have done millions of dollars of damage and may have cost a number of lives, if it weren’t for a brave firefighter who stood up to the monster on his own with a fire gun.   Alvin Johnson, who had just joined the CFD a year ago rushed in to lend a hand.  The battalion captain had advised all of his men to stay back and they were going to call in the National Guard, but Alvin couldn’t be stopped.

With no regard for his personal safety, Johnson ran to a water pump, got the controls and started unleashed a torrent of water on the monster.  “I didn’t think about it.  If I did, I would have run away, too.  My adrenaline was pumping and I just got to the controls and let that ugly monster have it,” Firefighter Johnson said.  Some baby boomers that were familiar with the Chicago River Monster thought Johnson was incredibly brave, others thought he was incredibly stupid.  “He could have got torn to pieces.  That boy had no sense,” said Sheila Bourelly.  “I ran home, locked the doors and prayed. That is one nasty monster.”

Weekly World News spoke with fifteen witnesses who say that the water from the fire hose only agitated the monster more, and the monster smashed a pier and a bridge. But Johnson persisted.  “I wasn’t gonna let that ugly thing get the best of me.  No, sir.”   Johnson kept at it and after forty minutes the monster went back into the water.  Local authorities think the monster may be in Lake Michigan now, but they can’t say for sure.

The Chicago River Monster was first sighted back in 1953 when Dolores and Fred Williams were on a stroll following their thirtieth wedding anniversary. They saw the monster rear it’ head out of the water.  They tried to run, but the monster grabbed them and tossed them at a nearby building.  At least they died together.

Firefighter Johnson will be honored at a ceremony next month and will receive the “Fireslayer of the Year” award.  He also received a call from President Obama who is thankful for him protecting his hometown city.

Many local residents are still on edge.  The Chicago River Monster has been dormant for a long time, but once he’s awakened, there’s no telling what he will do.  At least Chicago residents will be comforted to know that Firefighter Johnson is ready to take on the monster again.

CLEVELAND, OH – The Cleveland Browns are on the look-out for a new leader after Coach Crennel went missing under supernatural circumstances.

In a bizarre act, eerily reminiscent of the Samuel Jackson death scene in the movie “Deep Blue Sea” (video below), Cleveland Browns coach Romeo Crennel was swallowed whole this morning by the Lake Erie Monster upon returning back from Philadelphia at the Burke Lakefront Airport in Cleveland, Ohio.

A local photographer took vivid shots of the crime:

According to eyewitnesses on the scene, Crennel had assembled the team on the tarmac at the Burke airport on the shores of Lake Erie. After the 4-10 Browns deplaned, Crennel asked the weary team to huddle up for a motivational talk.

Crennel stood in front of his men and told them, “Nature can be lethal, but it doesn’t hold a candle to man. Now you’ve seen how bad things can get, and how quick they can get that way. Well, they can get a whole lot worse.  So we’re not going to fight anymore. We’re going to pull together and we’re going to find a way to get out of here. First, we are going to score a touch-”.

Before the embattled Coach could finish his speech, a long-necked sea monster rose out of the frigid waters and devoured the coach in front of his team.

U.S. Coast Guard petty officer Byron Firdelis, an ardent Browns supporter, told reporters that the Cleveland-based Lake Erie Coast Guard would not initiate a search for Crennel. Firdelis said, “We can’t take the risk of jeopardizing men in the search for a Coach that has now had 3 10-loss seasons in 4 years.  Besides, Crennel is not a strong swimmer. Our recommendation to Browns management is to finalize discussions with Bill Cowher as quickly as possible.”

LONG ISLAND SOUND, NY – The Lake Erie Monster tried out for the Saturday Night Live auditions to find new female cast members.

Star member Amy Poehler departed from the show after giving birth, leaving the show in dire straits. With only two female cast members left, Saturday Night Live quickly put out the call for interested parties to audition. Little did they know what it would bring up from the murky depths…

The Lake Erie Monster was able to make her way into the try-outs and did the only impression she has: Sarah Palin. Her 60-second audition consisted of her alternating between shouting, “Maverick!” over and over again and winking at the camera.

She was seemingly oblivious to the fact that former cast member Tina Fey had shot the show to ratings heaven with her own Palin impression just a few weeks back. Lorne Michaels was not amused. Comedians Abby Elliott and Michaela Watkins were chosen and introduced in last Saturday’s episode.

It is believed that Lemmie (as she refers to be called) was only allowed to audition because of Affirmative Action, which has recently been broadened to include cryptids. After being rejected, she cried hysterically for four seconds and then re-submerged into Long Island Sound, leaving only a trail of mascara behind.

Is this the last we’ll see of the Lake Erie diva? This Weekly World News writer thinks not.

]]> http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/3854/snl-rejects-lake-erie-monster/feed/ 1 Garrett Hawley lemmiesnl