The BBC picked the Woman of the Year for 2011.   Sweetie, the panda, won hands down!

BBC executives debated for weeks about the most important woman of 2011.  They considered Gabrielle Giffords, Michele Bachmann and Brazilian president Dilma Rousseff, but none of those women were as important as Sweetie, the panda, who came to Scotland from mainland China.

PALO ALTO, CA – Mark Zuckerberg’s sister quit Facebook and is now working at MySpace.

Randi Zuckerberg, Facebook’s marketing director and sister of Facebook’s CEO Mark Zuckerberg, has decided to resign.  This happened after Mark Zuckerberg spent three hours screaming at her – for no apparent reason.

WWN received a copy of the resignation letter from Randi announcing her decision to leave the social media company after returning from a three month maternity leave.

“I have spent my years at Facebook pouring my heart and soul into innovating and pushing the media industry forward by introducing new concepts around live, social, participatory viewing that the media industry has since adopted,” said Randi. “We have made incredible progress, but there is still much to be done and other ways I can affect change.”

The startling news is that Randi has signed a contract to be CEO of MySpace.  Justin Timberlake, one of the new owners of MySpace said he was “thrilled” to have Randi on board.  “Randi and I are excited about kicking her brother’s butt.  MySpace is going to bring Facebook down… and Randi is looking forward to eclipsing her brother’s success.”

Here’s Randi with her brother, Mark Zuckerberg:

And here’s Mark and Randi with Katy Perry, who Mark Zuckerberg has asked to take over Randi’s position in the company:

Insiders say that Randi knows Mark will be shutting Facebook down on March 15, 2012 and wanted to join a company that is growing, “not shrinking.”

Facebook confirmed their employees departure saying, “We are grateful for her important service.”

“Now is the perfect time for me to move outside of Facebook to work with a company, MySpace, focused on the exciting trends underway in the industry,” said Randi.

Randi recently suggested during panel discussion on social media hosted by Marie Claire magazine that the Internet should steer away from anonymity in an effort to combat cyber bullying.

“People behave a lot better when they have their real names down. I think people hide behind anonymity and they feel they can say whatever they want behind closed doors,” said Randi.

Randi said Facebook is currently working towards making their website safer. “There is so much more we can do. We’re actively trying to work with partners like Common Sense Media and our safety advisory committee.”

But Randi gave many hints that all is NOT well at Facebook.  When asked if she thinks Facebook will make it to the March 15, 2012 shut down date, she just shook her head and said, “For my brother’s sake, I hope so.”

The Facebook is currently under federal investigation for privacy violations.

NEW YORK – Justin Timberlake bought MySpace for $35 million.

Justin Timberlake plans to take a “major role” in the day-to-day operation of a new, redesigned Myspace after he dropped $35m for the ailing social network.

The singer turned actor, who starred as Facebook investor Sean Parker in the Hollywood hit The Social Network, bought Myspace yesterday.  An online advertising company, Specific Media, tossed in another $1 million.

The unlikely entrepreneur will “lead the business strategy” for the fallen social network, and Specific Media chief executive Tim Vangerhook, will be in charge of keeping Justin “focused.”

Timberlake has already announced that he is adding a “wall” to the redisgne of MySpace and he said he came up with a way that people can “buddy” each other.   “People will be like… can I buddy you?  It’s going to be hot.”

Myspace has shed billions of dollars from its price tag since it was dethroned as the dominant social network in 2008. Ruper Murdoch’s News Corporation agreed on Wednesday to sell Myspace for a fraction of the $100m it was seeking – a sign of the site’s dramatic fall from greatness.

Timberlake, 30, will have an office in Myspace and will “probably be there every day,” according to a spokesperson.

Asked whether he thought Timberlake had been inspired by his star turn in The Social Network, Vanderhook said: “I don’t think it was so much that – that was just ironic. He’s really passionate about how can he create a better community.”

Timberlake said in a statement: “There’s a need for a place where fans can go to interact with their favorite entertainers, listen to music, watch videos, share and discover cool stuff and just connect.    Myspace will be that place.  I think people need a social network to connect with each other – it’s something that’s been missing for years.”

Timberlake will immediately focus on making MySpace “the” place to go for artists.

“Art is inspired by people and vice versa, so there’s a natural social component to entertainment. I’m excited to help revitalise Myspace by using its social media platform to bring artists and fans together in one community.”

Myspace is expected to shed more than half of its 500 remaining staff as part of the deal. The layoffs follow a 30% staff reduction in April last year, and a further 47% cut in January. Two years ago Myspace employed more than 1,400 people.

Timberlake plans to hire Britney Spears to head “something.”

PALO ALTO – Mark Zuckerberg launched a new website today, BabyBook, which will link all newborns and toddlers.

There are almost 500 million users of Facebook, but there’s a big market of potential users that are being overlooked – babies.  So, Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, has launched a new social network solely for new-born babies and toddlers (up until Age 3).

“Babies, obviously can’t speak, but that doesn’t mean they can’t communicate.  And having a site dedicated to babies, which allows them to share information about diapers, bottles, pabulum and to dish on their parents.. is something that I’ve thought about for years.”

Zuckerberg believes that babies born in 2010 will spend most of their lives on the internet, instead of in the real, physical world.  “It’s important for them to get an online presence from the moment of birth.   There are a lot of people who say that if you are not on Facebook – you do not exist.  Well, I’m just taking this to the logical next step… if you are not on BabyBook, then were you really born?”

So, how in the world will this work?

Zuckerberg and his crack BabyBook team have come up with an advanced graphic BabyInterface that will allow babies who are even just one day old to get onto the internet and set up an account.  “Sure parents can help out, but they don’t need to.   The site is very baby intuitive.   We baby tested it for the last two years.  It works.”

Launched just two days ago, already 7% of babies born in the United States have BabyBook account.  The company says that they hope to have 30% of babies signed up by this time next year and by 2015 they believe that every person born on planet earth will have a BabyBook account.  “We need to get everyone connected.  That’s the way will achieve world peace – through BabyBook”

What happens when a BabyBook user gets too old (age 4) to use his or her account anymore?

When a toddler turns 4 – we will immediately and seamlessly turn their BabyBook account into a Facebook Account.  They will then be able to use the standard QWERTY keypads by then.

Not everyone is happy about the launch.  Etrade is suing Zuckerberg, claiming that they had the idea for babies using the internet and that Zuckerberg stole it from them.  “Etrade? Give me a break, I can buy and sell them a hundred times.  They’re so lame they had to pay Lindsay Lohan off.”

There is some talk about perhaps having embryos get accounts on BabyBook… but it’s just talk at this moment.  In the meantime,

Get on BabyBook, baby!!

LOS ANGELES, CA – WWN’s sports guru, Dallas Commagreens, has studied hours of video tape and selected his 10 favorite superbowl ads of recent memory.

We’ll start off with everybody’s favorite office linebacker. If you’re slacking or don’t have your eye on the prize, Mr. Tate will certainly give you a hit to put you back on track.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake are rumored to have broken up. Biel has since been seen on the arm of the Everglades’ most eligible bachelor: Manigator.

According to insider reports Biel and Timberlake recently ended their three year relationship.  No official press release has yet been given, but Timberlake has been seen woo’ing Rihanna.  This would explain several reports of Biel being seen spending romantic evenings out with the half-man half-alligator mutant, possibly to spite Timberlake.

Last week they were seen enjoying All-You-Can-Eat Wing Night at a South Florida Hooters.  After a long evening of small talk Manigator attempted to impress his date by borrowing her platform shoes and recreating the Pee Wee Herman Big Shoe Dance on the bar.  A very inebriated Biel enjoyed the display, while restaurant management did not and asked the two to leave.  Outside, their faces covered with barbeque blue cheese sauce, the two shared a brief kiss.

A few days later Jessica Biel was seen escorting Manigator around Los Angeles.  Manigator looked distressed as he is federally barred from entering the state of California.  An inside source says she smuggled him across state lines in her luggage.  The two were seen at a Starbucks where Biel ordered a no-fat latte and Manigator asked for a Jagermeister.  Irate that the barista was unable to fulfill his request, Manigator climbed on to the counter asking if the woman was “racist?”  He continued, “Is that it, cause ahmma Reptil-Amer’kan?! You dunno me!”  Manigator calmed down as Biel pursuaded him to relax and emptied a flask into his coffee.  Later, Manigator was heard saying, “You’re so, no I’m serious, Yourso good.  No I’m serrus lissen’. Lissen’.  I won’t hold 7th Heaven against you.”

The same inside source says that Manigator joined her later for a tanning session, where while she was tanning he curled around the booth’s warm and took a nap.

Police reports describe a fight breaking out in the “cafe” section of a nearby K-Mart the next day.  Whether or not the two were involved is unknown, but witnesses describe a “half lizard man” as having been at the heart of it.

Conflicting reports say that Timberlake and Biel never broke up and are currently on vacation together in Napa.  Whether they never broke up, or if a weekend tryst with Manigator sent Biel running back into Timberlake’s arms remains to be seen.

MIAMI, FL – Rounding out her North American tour on Saturday, Madonna broke her hip mid performance.

The 50 year old pop star made the injury on stage while straddling a chair and singing “Erotic.”  During the songs refrain, her repeated pelvic thrusts came too hard, shattering her hip with a crack that silenced the 14,000 fans in attendance.

Ever the professional, Madonna continued with the performance and was brought on for three encores in a raised litter carried by four of her back-up dancers.

For the continuing European leg of her tour, the middle-aged singer hired a designer to create canes and a walker to match her leather hotpants and boustiere costume.