NEW YORK, NY – News broke this morning that the MLB had come up with a solution to finally put to rest the performance-enhancing scandal: ‘An All-Juicing League’. A counter-baseball league where all players on every team ‘MUST’ juice from their choice of HGH, Roids, Greenies, or the latest illegal synthetic blends made available from Track and Field.

Said one spokesman, who refused to be identified by name, but said if you want to follow him on twitter, his sign-in was BudSelig54, “A lot of fans know most of our players cheated, and yet attendance was still through the roof.  This new ‘juicing’ league just allows us to capitalize on that.  And we don’t have to worry about any askterisked records”.

Purists may not like it, but if you think about it, the proposed plan makes a lot of sense. Just think about the level of talent that could instantly feed such a league.  Barry Bonds, A-Rod, Roger Clemens, and Sammy Sosa.  The new league might even rival the old for interest.

“I’d love to play again”, said the Rocket.  “And this time, I wouldn’t have to worry about what to misremember, or who sees what in the locker room.”

Owners say the new league could generate much-needed revenue, in a time where financial crises are looming.  Said the owner of one New York team, “Sure, we’ve added a pharmacist to our club-house staff, but lucky for us, most of our trainers already had the skill set.”

The J-MLB, Juiced Major League Baseball, will debut in 2010 and the plan to include teams in every major market (and Kansas City) currently home to a big league team.

For more comedyntary, check out http://www.dailyballbreakers.com/ (breaking balls every day).

PALM BEACH, FL – On the eve of the season’s first major, another steroid scandal has rocked sports.  This time: golf.  But not the actual players on tour. This scandal involves someone close to them, their trustee sidekicks, their bagman – their caddies.

According to an unnamed website, as the Masters tees off from Augusta tomorrow, a golf insider/whistleblower has scheduled a presser to come forward with a list of names and evidence, that some of the sports’s biggest stars’ caddies, have juiced.

Could it be Tiger’s caddie Stevie?  Phil’s caddie Bones? Or any of the countless others we don¹t know the names of because they¹re (ahem) caddies?

Already the blowback has begun.  Said one tour professional, ŒIts not fair if one guy’s caddie is clean, and the other guy’s caddie is raking the trap with twice the muscle mass.  It makes a huge difference.

Added Dr. Bill Mitchell, professor of sports medicine at the Aruba Sports Medicine institute, “An average caddie wipes down his boss’ golf ball 72 times a tourney.  Think about the reduced recovery time of a caddie on performance enhancing drugs.  He could shave 2-3 seconds off his wash, over the course of a 4-day tournament.  That’s a time savings of, I may have said this, 2-3 seconds.”

Wow.

Is not sport sacred? Is nothing pure anymore, aside from Wrestling, Track, and Bodybuilding?   This reporter wants to know where it ends. If I can’t trust the guys throwing grass in the air on a fairway to gauge wind, I may have to stop following sports and become an WNBA fan.

For more comedyntary, check out http://www.dailyballbreakers.com/ (real guys holding sports accountable).