QUINCY, MA – A very unique discovery has shed light on one of our nation’s past leader!

An accidental discovery by a lawyer has turned up a letter penned by America’s sixth president, John Quincy Adams. The letter, discovered in a Massachusetts City Hall,  was dated Sept 8, 1826 and detailed his wishes for his father’s burial. He wrote the letter two weeks after his father passed away and was looking for permission from supervisors of the church across City Hall to bury his father and mother.

In the letter, President Adams asked town officials to allow him to build “a plain and modest monument” to his father, President John Adams.

Paul Hines, an assistant city solicitor, was doing some research in the basement of City Hall, looking to build a case against a city lawsuit. In his research he came across a dust-covered box which contained the former president’s letter.

“It was very exciting,” Hines said. “I was wondering whether anyone knew this existed, and when the last time it was seen. I thought we should take it out of those conditions, so it could be shared and preserved.”

“I have considered it a duty devolving upon me to erect a plain and modest monument to his memory: and my wish is that divested of all ostentation it may yet be as durable as the walls of the Temple to the erection of which he has contributed. and as the Rocks of his native Town which are to supply the materials for it,” Adams wrote.

John and Abigail Adams, as well as John Quincy and Louisa Catherine Adams remain buried in the church today.

I’m angrier than Adam Smith in an itchy kilt about what’s happened to our once great nation!

The other day I saw the Communist-in-Chief at a townhall meeting on tv — but I thought I was watching ‘Let’s Make a Deal’.

One lady got up and told him she needed a car and a new kitchen. The Teleprompter Kid told her to talk with his staff after the show and sure enough, some rich friend of his gave her a house! I thought I was watching Oprah instead of Obama!

Heck, Jesus himself only gave out fish sandwiches.

Some other guy wanted more unemployment insurance, and another didn’t like his benefits at McDonald’s. Mr. and Mrs. America, it was like a bunch of kids visiting Santa at the mall, except these nuts were louder and crazier!

Did folks beg Abe Lincoln for spare change on his way to the movies? Did John Adams buy everyone a new washing machine? What an embarrassment!

What happened to the good old days, when ordinary Americans worked at the same job for forty years, got a gold watch, then pawned it when times got tough?

We complain about the lineups at the DMV, but we want the same government to take care of us?

You all should move to Cuba, where Castro will give you a second hand rice cooker once in a while before he throws you in jail. Old Ed Anger will gladly buy you moochers a one-way ticket, cuz it’ll be the last free thing you get on this man’s dime!

WASILLA, AK – Records and eyewitnesses have come to light that prior to announcing her candidacy for the Vice Presidency; Sarah Palin shot a Bigfoot from a helicopter.

A government helicopter was seen flying low over the Chugach National Park with what witnesses described as “a sexy librarian shooting out the side.” Employees at a local bait shop report seeing a similar woman only hours before carrying an infant in a camouflage Baby Bjorn.

The Bigfoot, or Sasquatch as it is known in scientific circles, was found dead on the outskirts of the park, just south of Wasilla, Alaska.  Preliminary forensics reports confirm that an adult male Sasquatch was shot in the face with Palin’s trademark 5mm M4 Carbine Assault Rifle.

Environmental groups are in an uproar at the hunting death of a rare and notoriously reclusive species.  Efforts to have the Sasquatch placed on the endangered species list have met with repeated opposition from state legislature, since protecting the ‘Missing Link’ could be seen as validating evolution.

Conservatives have immediately rallied to their party’s new star, citing that gun ownership and hunting are indelible parts of American culture.  Indeed this point is hard to argue, as John Adams was notorious for having captured what he called a “Skunk Ape” and killing it with his bare hands on the White House lawn in front of a paying audience.