Senator Al Franken shut up Joe Lieberman on the Senate floor yesterday.  Lieberman quickly responded with fisticuffs!

Minnesota Senator Al Franken has been flexing his political muscle of late, taking on Republicans who are trying to block Democrat bills.  On Monday he reprimanded Senator John Thune for only intentionally misrepresenting facts on the Health Care bill.  When Thune objected to being spoken to in such a way Franken asked if “the Senator from South Dakota would like to take it outside?”  John Thune abdicated the rest of his time.

Yesterday Franken set his sights on Joe Lieberman.  Lieberman has been at odds with the Democrats ever since he switched from their party to being technically classified as an “Independent,” and began sitting with the Republicans at lunch.  since then he has sided with Republicans at every turn, most recently in filibustering to block passage of the Health Care bill.  Yesterday Lieberman used up his allotted time and asked for more.  Franken said no.  There was a tense stare down between the two middle aged political giants.  Lieberman spoke up “You can’t tell me what to do!  I’m an Independent!  I don’t play by your rules!”  Franken answered “Seriously Joe, you need to shut up.”  “Or what?  What are you gonna do about it, Franken-weenie?”  Lieberman popped the collar of his ill-fitting leather jacket.  Franken vaulted over the podium onto the Senate floor to face off with Lieberman!

Franken and Lieberman stood face to face staring each other down.  “Does the Senator relenquish the floor?” Franken bellowed.  “No” Lieberman replied in a cool determined voice.  Franken backhand slapped Joe Lieberman in the face.  “Does the Senator relenquish the floor!?”  “No” he replied again.  Again Al Franken slapped Joe Lieberman as hard as he could.  “Come on Joe, are you gonna do something?  Or are you just gonna stand there and bleed?”  Spit a little blood on the Senate floor, then launched himself at Franken.

Al Franken and Joe Lieberman faught on the Senate floor for some time.  The fight had been a long time coming, and was the culmination of strong animosity felt by both sides.  Democrats cheered on Franken, who was dealing blows they had all wanted to issue since Lieberman crossed the aisle.  And the Republicans cheered on Lieberman who was taking on the Democrats in a way they had all been wanting to since falling out of power.  Some of the Senators immediately began taking bets, giving Franken 3/2 odds.  After several minutes security broke the two up with no clear winner.

Both parties of the Senate cheered their respective champions as security led them to the Senatorial Quiet Rooms.  Lieberman would not stop screaming as security pulled him away “You can’t hold me back!  Nobody tells Joe Lieberman what to do!”  Al Franken responded “I’ll see you next time Joe Lieberman!  Next Time!”

I’m madder than Joe Lieberman at a popularity contest!

You know why he would be mad?  Because no one likes him!

What is up with that guy?  Now Connecticut’s Independent Droopy Dog is saying he doesn’t oppose health care reform, but he’s going to make sure its real drawn out and then fail!

What?

He says he doesn’t mind letting the bill get to the Senate floor for debate.  Oh, you don’t mind?  Well thank you for your indifferent permission, your highness.

But, and here is the kick in the pants, if he doesn’t like the way things go in debate, then, because he is so independently minded, he’s going to shack up with the rebels  on the Right side of the aisle and filibuster the final vote!

Who does this guy think he is?  There is nothing “independent” about being a plain old pain in the ass!

I can just picture his filibuster now.  No reading from the phone book or a selection of favorite Ayn Rand quotes on individualism.  No that’s not how Droopy is going to roll this annoying punch.

This guy is going to walk to the floor of the Senate, unroll his Calamity Jane sleeping bag, lay his pretty little head on his Spongebob encased pillow and throw a hissy fit about how no one likes him even though his mom tells him every day how special he is.

Well guess what Joe?  You aren’t special!  Deal with it!

You know what I think? I’ll tell ya!

This guy just likes to be on the losing team!  He lost the Democratic primary in 2006 and still won his Senate seat!  He even chose McCain as his candidate in 2008.

McCain!

Even McCain’s mom didn’t vote for that loser in 2008!

And now he wants to be on the losing end of the health care debate!  No one loses as much as this guy and still remains in the game.

He’s like the Independent Senator for the Chicago Cubs!

WASHINGTON, DC – Senator Joe Lieberman has said he will sink the health care bill, just to be a rebel.

“You don’t know me!  I don’t live by your rules!  You can’t box me in with your labels.  I will break out of your box.  You can’t control me, I’m Joe Lieberman!”  This was the scene Tuesday as Joe Lieberman was escorted from the Senate by guards, wearing a leather jacket that didn’t fit right.  When asked what happened Security confirmed that Mr. Lieberman had asked to be led from the room by Security personnel, and directly to the cameras.

Lieberman, in keeping with his recent tradition, has sided with the Republicans yet again.  This time he is threatening to vote against the Health Care bill if it has the Public Option attached to it.  Taking the Senate floor, wearing his ill-sized leather coat and dark sunglasses, Lieberman said, “The Public Option is for socialists and squares!”

Critics claim that Lieberman is shifting to the Republican ranks so he can be the ‘coolest’ senator in the group.  His transition began when Harry Reid started driving his Harley to Capital Hill every morning.  That morning Reid was given Lieberman’s seat at the Democrat table in the Senate Cafeteria.  Tensions have been escalating between Lieberman and the Democrats ever since.

Now Lieberman is the new It-Senator of the Republican party.  Other Republicans are tripping over themselves to validate of Joe Lieberman.  Amongst the group there is a much lower bar and Lieberman easily has the best jokes.  Longtime friends have tried to tell Joe that the GOP is only interested in his vote, however he appears unreceptive.

Last night Joe Lieberman and several other Senators were seen driving through gated residential areas in Virginia knocking over mailboxes and drafting conservative legislation.

NEW YORK, NY – Leaving the side of Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman, PhD Ape begins preparations for a three-day seminar aimed at settling fears of the Right Wing radio and television personalities over the coming Obama Administration.

Continuing what has already been a very busy fall for the renowned Psychiatrist to the Stars, PhD Ape landed in New York City this morning for the seminar. Radio talk show host, Rush Limbaugh and Fox News talk show host, Bill O’Reilly are just two of the high profile “talking heads” expected to be in attendance.

“These are tough times for Rush and Bill.  Not to mention Sean [Hannity] and countless others,” PhD Ape told reporters.  “There is an obvious shift in the mindset of the nation.  America was widely considered a Center-Right country.  I think the latest election shows we are in fact to be Center-Left.

“Right wing pundits and commentators are forced to question their role in the new administration and a newly aligned nation.  I feel they still play an important role.  This seminar aims at teaching these guys how best to adapt within a changing political climate, not just professionally but emotionally.”

PhD Ape thinks this is especially important for Mr. O’Reilly.  It is rumored that he had his tear ducts removed in the mid-90s to prevent any display of ‘womanly emotions’. Weekly World News was unable to find anyone willing to verify this on record.

STAMFORD, CT – In the midst of helping John McCain grieve, PhD Ape took a red-eye flight Monday night to be with Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman.

Lieberman, an Independent who caucuses with Senate Democrats, met with Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada last week to discuss the status of Lieberman’s two committee chairmanships.  It is widely believed that Lieberman will be stripped of those chairmanships as punishment for endorsing John McCain and campaigning aggressively against now President-Elect Barack Obama.

“Joe made a very difficult choice,” PhD Ape said in a prepared statement before boarding his plane.  “He caucuses with the Democrats in the Senate, but the people of Connecticut elected him as an Independent.  Joe loves the Senate and cherishes his leadership roles on two very important committees.  This is a very difficult time for him.”

PhD Ape is expected to spend the next few weeks shuttling between Connecticut and Arizona as he counsels Lieberman and McCain.

Asked if he thought he would be spending any time in Washington DC or Texas with lame-duck President Bush, PhD Ape replied, “I don’t think so.  I have a feeling President Bush doesn’t have any mixed feelings about leaving Washington behind and returning to a quieter life in Texas.”