THE ROCKAWAYS -  The JetBlue flight attendant who slid down an emergency chute, was found at his apartment, and he slid out of there, too!

The JetBlue flight attendant, Steve Slater, 38,  who blew his top, grabbed some beer and bolted out an emergency slide at JFK Airport Monday, dashed home to have sex with his boyfriend.  Slater stunned passengers by spewing profanity and ranting about quitting JetBlue just as the flight pulled up to the gate.

“To the f—–g a–hole who told me to f–k off, it’s been a good 28 years,” Slater, 38, said. “I’ve had it. That’s it,” he added, a passenger said.

The lunatic flight attendant grabbed a couple of beers , popped one open and yelled, “cowabunga!” before activating the emergency exit, witnesses told airport employees.

Slater then bolted across the tarmac, ran into the terminal, dodged cops and hopped into a cab.  He went to his apartment in The Rockaways and had crazy-lunatic=flight-attendant-sex with his boyfriend. That’s when the cops came knocking on the door.

Slater blew his cork again.  He spewed profanity at his boyfriend, Tyler, and ranted about leaving him.

“To the f—g a-hole who just had sex with me, it’s been a good 2 months.  F— off.”  The cops came charging in the front door, but Slater quickly pressed a secret button near the bedroom window of his second floor apartment.  An emergency slide popped out and Slater slid down it.

He was off and running again.

A neighbor in a wife-beater, Joe Falazarano, said “he’s really good with a slide.  He had that thing inflated in two seconds and his form going down that plastic…  man, it was epic.”  Falzarano said that he thought that Slater looked happy.  “How can you not be happy when you’re drinking beer, having sex and then going down a slide?  It’s all good, man.  All good.”

Slater then went to a nearby Bank of America to rant and spew at the tellers.  The cops closed in and again Slater bolted for the roof.  He pulled off his backpack and inflated his handy backpack slide.  But this time, the cops were waiting for him at the bottom of the slide.  Slater was caught. Deflated…

Here is the Happy Slider in police custody.  He’s being told to “buckle up” for takeoff to the police station.

A JetBlue spokesman said, “while Steve Slater is not representative of our flight attendants, we are proud of the way he inflated the slide.  It was a textbook inflation.”  When pressed further about why they hired a man with such a temper, the spokesperson said, “This will not change our policies.  We still will not be offering meals on any flights. In fact, we will be charging for air consumption from now on.”

The latest report is that Steve Slater has slipped away from guards at Queens County Jail.  He slid down the back of the building.  He’s on the run.  Be on the look out for Slater.  He’s armed with inflatables… and dangerous.  He may go on a rant.

PHOENIX, AZ – After losing the 2008 presidential election by nearly 200 electoral votes and nearly six percent of the popular vote, Senator John McCain is understandably in very low spirits.

Before the polls even closed on the West Coast and the Big Sky states, PhD Ape was on a plane from New York, where he was counseling Guy Ritchie, to Arizona.

“John McCain will wake up tomorrow with a headache the likes he has never experienced,” PhD Ape told reporters at JFK International Airport in New York before boarding a plane.

“He has months and months worth of regrettable decisions all weighing down on his shoulders.  He will be reviewing all of those decisions, thinking ‘what if?’  It’s a very difficult time in a politicians life.”

PhD Ape has previously counseled failed politicians Barry Goldwater in 1964 and Al Gore in 2000.

“Fortunately the holidays are coming up.  It will be welcome distraction for John, and he has the next 2 months to come to terms with his failures,” PhD Ape told reporters waiting his arrival in Phoenix.

“By the time he returns to the Senate in the new year, John will be a confident, powerful leader in the Senate.   But it will take weeks and weeks of counseling.”