NEW YORK -  Lady Gaga is being sued by Madonna for plagiarism.  Gaga’s explanation:  “I’m retarded.”

Lady Gaga is being accused of plagiarism for her song “Born This Way” and the comparisons to Madonna’s hit “Express Yourself.”

Here’s Madonna expressing herself:

Madonna, who says she likes Lady Gaga, was quoted as saying, “that stupid bitch stole my song.”

Surprisingly, Lady Gaga admitted that she not only stole parts of “Express Yourself” for her song, but she is trying to steal everything about Madonna.  “I want to be Madonna, just younger.”

Lady Gaga told WWN,  “I’m a songwriter. I’ve written loads of music. Why would I try to put out a song and think I’m getting one over on everybody? Because… I’m retarded! I’m stupid and I do stupid things, get over it!”

Gaga went on to say, “If you put the songs next to each other, side by side, you can hear the similarities are not just the chord progression,” she continues. “I tried to steal her melody and her vocal style. I’m a plagiarist, it means I’m f****** retarded.”

If you’re a moron, raise your hand:

Lady Gaga confirmed that does not have any hate for  people with mental or physical disabilities. The r-word is just something people say without thinking.  “And I’m retarded, so I don’t usually think,”  Gaga said.

She’s also getting criticism, this time from religious groups, over her new song, “Judas,” told from the point of view from Mary Magdelene.

“I feel like honestly that God sent me those lyrics and that melody,” Gaga shot back, getting emotional. “When you feel a message to give to the world and people are shooting arrows through it … there’s no way for something that pure to be wrong.”

The conservative Catholic League disagreed, though they’ve also lashed out at her music video, which hasn’t even come out yet.

“Leave me alone… I’m retarded!”  Gaga said.

Check out both the Madonna song and the Gaga song.  What do you think?

Here’s Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way”…

Here’s Madonna’s “Express Yourself”….

NEW YORK, NY – The suspense is finally over – Conan O’Brien has a name for his show!

Love him, hate him or don’t care about him – regardless, Conan O’Brien will have a new show this fall. His “new show” will debut on November 8 on TBS. There has been much speculation as to what he would name it – edge of your seat kind of stuff. The wait is over and the funny man has spoken…

“Conan”

That’s it. Quick and to the point.

“It’s ‘Conan,’ simple, pure, like the guy himself,” O’Brien said in a Youtube video released first to NY Magazine’s Vulture blog and TeamCoco.com.

O’Brien has been out of the headlines for a bit now. The ugly divorce from NBC and the “Tonight” show is behind him – and he’s gone ahead with very successful ventures. He also walked away from the divorce with pockets full of millions of dollars.

In the video, O’Brien appears behind a desk in a bare office.

“I’ve still got the beard,” he says, “and a pretty crappy office.”

He jokes that he spent millions of dollars and had legal and media research teams look into potential names, but ultimately came up with “Conan.”

NEW YORK, NY – A love triangle is brewing and it could get ugly!

There is a new love triangle coming to shape and one man is in the center of it – whether he likes it or not. There is nothing sexy about this love triangle – just pure unadulterated hate and animosity. Two prominent late night TV hosts are vying for the love and affection of one well-respected news anchor.

Brian Williams is an anchor and managing editor of NBC Nightly News. His reputation precedes him and in 2007 Time Magazine listed him on the 100 Most Influential People in the World list. He has been dubbed “the Walter Cronkite of the 21st century.” Williams is also an avid fan and frequent guest on both David Letterman’s and Jay Leno’s talk shows. Bad move!

It’s no secret that Letterman and Leno are bitter rivals and don’t exactly consider each other friends. Letterman’s show, Late Night with David Letterman and Leno’s show, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, have been competing with one another for ratings and late night superiority.

Williams’ allegiance to both shows is not sitting well with both anchors and just like that a love triangle is formed. Both talk show hosts want Williams to support only one – that puts Williams in an uncomfortable and unfortunate situation. Letterman started the courtship last night on his show.

“To do the Jay Leno show you have to travel all the way to California. To be on my show, all you gotta do is catch a bus,” Letterman told Williams.

Williams informed Letterman that he watched both of their shows thanks to the powers of TiVo. Another bad move – but not the worst of them!

“I like to think of you and me more as real guys as opposed to you and Jay. You and I are the real thing,” Letterman shares with Williams. To which the NBC anchor responds to with the two host’s differences. When he thinks of Letterman he thinks of Upstate New York and when he thinks of Leno it’s all “Blue collar Boston.” Now that’s a bad move!

“Blue collar?!” Letterman screams. “He’s got 400 cars! Does he give you a car every time you come out there? He’s got more cars than Avis” Letterman says.

Poor Brian Williams. Eye witnesses say that when the news anchor tried to leave the set, Letterman charged at him, grabbed him by the leg and begged him to be his best friend.

NEW YORK, NY – Conan O’Brien opens up about his roller coaster ride that was his last few months!

Conan O’Brien will appear on “60 Minutes” Sunday night in his first interview since his less than pleasant departure from NBC’s “The Tonight Show.” In the interview, O’Brien admits that he believes he wasn’t given a fair chance to prove he could succeed and that money may have been the main reason NBC opted to bring back their former host, Jay Leno.

O’Brien also admits that if the roles had been reversed, he would not have handled the situation the same way.

“He went and took that show back and I think in a similar situation, if roles had been reversed, I know – I know me, I wouldn’t have done that,” he told CBS correspondent Steve Kroft. “If I had surrendered ‘The Tonight Show’ and handed it over to somebody publicly and wished them well – and then … six months later, I wouldn’t have taken it back. But that’s me, you know. Everyone’s got their own, you know, way of doing things.”

O’Brien approved to the interview with Kroft under the provision that it could not be aired until after May 1. His departure agreement with NBC stipulates that he was prohibited from appearing on television or any other form of media until after that date. O’Brien also signed in the agreement that he could not disparage either Leno or network executives, so at times during his upcoming interview, it may seem like he’s holding back.

Kroft does point out that Leno went on to say at one point that both comics got screwed by NBC’s handling of the situation. O’Brien responds with “How did he get screwed?” and notes that he’s the one on “The Tonight Show.”

O’Brien doesn’t want a pity party, however. He reassures Kroft that “I’m fine; I’m doing great,” and that despite all the decision he’s made he has no regrets.

His interview airs this Sunday, May 2, at 7 p.m. ET/PT on CBS

NEW YORK, NY – Funny man Dana Carvey raised some eyebrows last night with his appearance on The Tonight Show. Church Lady may have to intervene!

Dana Carvey appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno to promote a stand-up special, which left much to be desired. Carvey’s whole act seemed predicated on mocking other races and using them as the basis of his jokes.

Carvey is known as a comedy legend, dating back to his days on Saturday Night Live, but during his interview he kept doing terrible ethnic impressions that nobody asked him to do. It wasn’t as if Jay Leno was urging him to give the public questionable ethnic impressions. Carvey initiated everything, Jay Leno could only sit back and watch and you could almost hear an awkward laugh from the crowd.

Church Lady Enid Strict has gotten wind of this ethnic tirade and will be reaching out to Carvey. The host of Church Chat, who has sometimes been called uptight and smug, feels as though Carvey needs a good Christian intervention.

“Well, isn’t that SPECIAL!?” said Strict. “Carvey’s impressions have shown him in a very improper light. Carvey has shown an immense lack of piety and a secular lifestyle. I’m going to have to sit him down, give him my judgmental admonishments, and culminate with my ‘Superior dance’ to save him from damnation.”

No word on if this meeting will actually be realized.

BURBANK, CA – Jay Leno will be moving back to 11:30pm, weeknights at NBC.  He won the time slot in a bloody cage match with Conan O’Brien.

Poor ratings for Jay Leno’s new Prime Time show at 10pm forced NBC executives to make some drastic choices.  Conan O’Brien, Jay Leno, and Jimmy Fallon all had contracts with the network, but there were only so many time slots.  NBC Executives chose to settle the issue in the typical way, with a cage match.

Conan, Leno and Fallon were all summoned to the NBC Headquarters in Burbank last week.  Standing before the executives, each was permitted to plead his case why he should be granted the superior time slot.  Then the floor of the NBC executive boardroom opened and the comedians were lowered into the ring.  This ring is where Lucille Ball fought Desi Arnaz over the direction of “I Love Lucy,” whether Fonzie should jump the shark tank, and where George Clooney won his bloody right to leave ER.

Though it was only a formality, Jimmy Fallon was included in dispute.  A quick first round had Leno knocking out Fallon after 28 seconds.  As part of a side bet made before the event Fallon then put on a bikini and announced the rounds for the rest of the dispute.  O’Brien soon joined Leno in the cage and they began the main event.  Conan, 6’2″ had the strong reach advantage over Leno, 5’6″.  Leno is also older and slower than Conan, but he was a strongly experienced veteran of the TV world.

Conan started the match with a strong offensive, landing several jabs and strong kicks to Jay Leno’s head.  Mostly he was attempting to maintain distance, but veteran Leno is too used to people aiming for his famously large chin.  Leno used the opening provided by one of the kicks to land a brutal punch to Conan O’Brien’s midsection.  After 3 rounds the two seemed evenly matched, until Leno was able to grab Conan in a clinch and take him to the ground.  Using his stocky build to keep him down Leno pounded on Conan until he cried “Yield.”  There are no referees in NBC cage fights.

Now with Leno victorious, he has opted to resume his old time slot of 11:30.  There is no word if Conan will accept the offer of a 12:00am slot for his show.  Jimmy Fallon will, as usual, be thankful for whatever he can get.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Former First Lady Laura Bush was on The Jay Leno Show last night, and confessed her secret love!

Laura Bush and her daughter Jenna both appeared on The Jay Leno Show Wednesday night. Jenna interviewed her mother during Jay’s “Ten @ Ten” segment. However, it was adjusted to Laura’s Central time zone to become “9 Questions at 9 O’Clock”.

Jenna asked Laura about reading tabloids, and she mentioned a certain little mutant, as well as a famous rumor about her father-in-law, George H.W. Bush.

Take a look:

PHOENIX, AZ – At age 13, the mysterious Bat Boy’s hormones are apparently kicking in — he’s developed a crush on Senator John McCain’s daughter Meghan!

Ms. McCain’s security team say the half-human, half-bat mutant has made repeated attempts to see the young beauty — and whined “like a sad dog” when he was shooed away!

These Secret Service agents believe Bat Boy — who has bitten and attacked people in the past – to be a potential threat and don’t want the bizarre, pointy-eared youth anywhere near Meghan.

“We are taking this matter very, very seriously,” said a Secret Service source who insisted upon anonymity. “This may sound like an innocent case of ‘puppy love,’ but we are concerned that we may have a stalker on our hands.”

Dr. Ron Dillon, the scientist who originally discovered Bat Boy, strongly believes that the agents are blowing this out of proportion. “Bat Boy is absolutely not a stalker, he wouldn’t harm a hair on Meghan McCain’s head.

“He is clearly in love for the first time in his life and doesn’t know how to deal with it. Don’t you remember how that felt? Now imagine that AND being a half-bat mutant. Puberty is Bat Boy’s biggest challenge yet.”

The bat-like creature has continued to elude the authorities. Law enforcement officials were stunned when he snuck in to a recent book signing for “My Dad, John McCain” and tried to talk to Meghan.

“Apparently, he saw her chatting with Jay Leno on TV and became fixated on her,” said the Secret Service source. “We believe he has tracked her cross-country on her campaign trail, using his superior hearing and sense of smell.”

Agents say the pint-size creature has tried to see Meghan at least three times, most recently when he showed up beneath her hotel window with guitar in hand and screeched what may have been Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes”.

Given his shaky grasp on English, it did not go over well.