A 29-year-old Tokyo man,  Kenichi Ito, has gone bananas. He’s the fastest monkey runner in the world.

The 29-year-old Tokyo man has spent the past eight and a half years developing a four-legged running style modeled after the African Patas monkey. The process has involved Ito walking around his suburban neighborhood and performing household chores on all fours, and even squatting like a simian while talking to others.

This lifestyle is no monkey business, though.

In November 2008, Ito set the world record for running 100 meters on all fours. His time was 18.58 seconds, according to Guinness World Records.

In addition to his speedy gallop, Ito has developed five other distinct styles of movement on all fours, the International Business Times reported. He draws inspiration from the animal world, utilizing both the Internet and his season ticket to the zoo.

Ito has had to endure more than just curious stares for the sake of his craft. He told Reuters that while practicing in the mountains, he was almost shot by a hunter who mistook him for a wild boar.

His dedication stems from a love of monkeys that dates back to childhood, Ito says he has identified with the animals from an early age, and that “somewhere inside of me I had this ambition to adopt one of their traits.” Ito found this trait when he saw a monkey running quickly. “From that point on,” he said, “I practiced running like a monkey every day.”

Four alien spaceships from Planet Zeeba landed in Makurazaki over the weekend.

Makurazaki is in the Kagoshima Prefecture on Japan’s southernmost tip.  They have seen UFO activity before, but there has never been a reported landing of alien spaceships.

Japanese authorities have confirmed with WWN that four spaceships landed in Makurazaki and “thousands” of alien exited the ships and then… they all disappeared.

“It’s typical behavior of Zeebans,” said Dr. Banesh Bannerjee, a lead extraterrestrial expert at the United Nations.  ”The good news is that we have confirmed that the ships that landed were from Planet Zeeba.  The Zeebans have been on our planet since October, 2010 and more and more are coming each day.  They are docile aliens and have come to earth to help humans.”

The bad news?  ”Well, the bad news is that they may attract attention from the Gootans, aliens that landed on Earth in Novermber, 2011.  The Gootans have come to earth to, take us over basically.”

Bannerjee went on to say that the Zeebans are probably going to Fukushima to help Japan recover from the after-effects of the earthquake last year.  ”Japan has done a great deal in a year to help put the area back together, but the Zeebans know there is a lot more work to be done and they will take it upon themselves to do it. That’s just how they are,” said Bannerjee.

The Zeeban ships have actually been sighted all over Japan in recent weeks.

Clear and unambiguous sightings are taking place every day across the country. Only a week ago two enormous almost blinding lights hovered over the city of Osaka. The lights were seen by thousands of Japanese citizens and the footage is rapidly spreading across the Internet where some Japanese viewers are dubbing them “lights of hope”.

“That’s exactly what the Zeebans want humans to think about them,” said Bannerjee.  ”They are the ‘light of hope’ of mankind.”

Here’s a similar Zeeban sighting in March, 2011

During the first week of 2012, UFO reports from around the world have increased 500%.  The alien invasion is underway!

The new year of UFO sightings is off and running as the worldwide proliferation of digital video cameras and phone cams makes it easier than ever to photograph unusual sights in the sky above us.

The Colorado-based Mutual UFO Netowrk, the largest UFO investigative organization in the world, received many reports of UFOs during the first week of the year from eyewitnesses in 36 out of 50 states.  Also, the U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials has been swamped with reports of alien sightings – spaceships AND beings.

Dr. John Malley, the head of the U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials, met with WWN to discuss the situation.

“We have predicted this for a while. This is a seminal moment in life of our planet, and our species.  We have two sets of alien beings invading our planet,”  Malley said.   The aliens from Planet Zeeba have been arriving here since October of 2010 and are here to help heal the earth and bring peace to all people on earth.  The Gootans began invading our planet in November of 2011 and they are here… well, they are here to take over.”

Dr. Susan Begley who, along with Dr. Banesh Bannerjee, works closely with Dr. Malley on the U.N. Panel, said that UFO sightings will keep increasing throughout this year.  “Our job is identify each of the ships that witnesses see and then attempt to figure out if there is a plan, or a strategy being used.”

In the United States, only states have NOT reported a dramatic increase in UFO sightings. Those states are:  Alaska, Arkansas, Delaware, Hawaii, Maine, Minnesota, Montana, Nebraska, North Dakota, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Washington, Wisconsin and Wyoming — but Dr. Malley said that by the end of January, all these states will have numerous sightings.

For the entire month of January 2011, MUFON recorded around 500 reports, and we’re already up to 839 after just the first week of 2012,” said MUFON associate director Marty Mark.

“For December, we had 1,930, compared to about 200 in December 2010,”  Mark told WWN.

“Last year, we averaged over 6,000 total sightings, and if it continues at this pace, we’ll be up 5,000 percent,” he said.

According to New Zealand’s WeatherWatch.co.nz., in the first 24 hours of the new year, it received “almost 580 reports and they’re still flooding in at about 190 an hour.”

“Many people around the world have been outside celebrating the new year. In the U.S., where most of the sightings came from, conditions were fairly mild and dry in many areas, so more people were outside to see things,” weather analyst Philip Duncan said in a statement.

Here’s a sample of sightings so far this year:

Jan. 3: Two slow-moving, bright flying objects (Zeeban ships) were recorded over Sinaloa, Mexico.

Jan. 4: The skies above North Carolinawere the subject of videotape of bright objects (Gootan ships).

Jan. 5: A white-colored globe was captured on video over Mesa, Arizona.

Jan. 6: A strange, bright object was videotaped as it fell out of the sky over Wakayama, Japan.  This was identified as  a Zeeban ship by the U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials.

Jan. 7: Some high-altitude glowing orbs were caught on videotape over San Antonio, Texas.

Jan. 7: On the other side of the world, two bright objects were videotaped above Minsk, Belarus.

WWN will continue to follow the alien invasion…

JAPAN -  Radioactive iodine in fish is 7.5 million times the legal limit.  The Japanese government has imposed new health limits on sushi!

The reading of iodine-131 was recorded by Tokyo Electric Power Co. said. Another sample taken found the level to be 5 million times the legal limit. The were found to contain radioactive cesium at 1.1 million times the legal limit.

The exact source of the radiation was not immediately clear, though Tepco has said that highly contaminated water has been leaking from a pit near the No. 2 reactor. The utility initially believed that the leak was coming from a crack, but several attempts to seal the crack failed.

The water is contaminated and that means that the fish are contaminated.  All sushi in Japan is believed to be radioactive.  Further, the United States government believes that all fish/sushi in the United States is also radioactive – and is considering a ban on all sushi in the United States.

Although the Japanese government believed that radiation would be quickly diluted and dispersed in the ocean, fish with high readings of iodine are being found everywhere.

On Tuesday chief cabinet secretary Yukio Edano said the Japanese government was imposing strict regulations on all sushi and sashimi.

Fishing has been suspended in the waters of Japan. Fishing has been banned near the plant, and the vast majority of fishing activity in the region has been halted because of damage to boats and ports by the March 11 tsunami and earthquake. Still, some fishermen are out making catches, only to find few buyers because of fears about radiation.

In the United States, samples of sushi taken from restaurants from San Diego up to Seattle, all were found to contain high levels of radioactive iodine – 5 million times the normal levels.

Some sushi lovers are not deterred.  “I actually think that the radioactive sushi is tastier,” said Katie Barnes of Santa Monica.  “The shrimp tempura rolls taste much better with a little iodine in them.  Yummy!”

Other sushi patrons are distraught.  “I eat sushi at least four times a week,” said Julian Tatler of San Francisco.  “I don’t know what I’m going to do!”

Well, the government recommends you stay away from the sushi for a while, Julian.

WASHINGTON — High levels of radiation have be found in milk samples in two Western states. Officials say there is a significant  public health threat.

Massive amounts of radioactive Iodine-131 were found in milk in California and Washington state, according to federal and state authorities who are monitoring for contamination as the nuclear crisis unfolds in Japan.

The officials say the levels are still 50,000 times above levels of concern.

The Environmental Protection Agency and the Food and Drug Administration said Wednesday that radiation was found in a March 25 milk sample from Spokane, Wash. The California Department of Public Health said on its website that a similar result was found March 28 at a dairy in San Luis Obispo County.

Japan’s Fukushima Dai-ichi nuclear power complex began leaking radiation after it was damaged by a devastating earthquake and tsunami earlier this month.

The EPA always monitors radiation levels in the air at several sites throughout the country, but the agency said this week that it is increasing the level of nationwide monitoring of milk, precipitation and drinking water in response to the situation in Japan. Those substances are normally monitored for radiation only a few times a year.

EPA spokesman Brendan Gilfillan said the radiation detected in Spokane is radically and alarmingly different than what is normally found there.

“While there can be naturally occurring levels of radiation in milk – as there are in the air, at levels far below levels of concern – we don’t generally see this particular isotope in such large quantities as part of those background levels,” Gilfillan said.

The EPA has found very low levels of radiation in the air connected to the Japanese incident in Alaska, Alabama, California, Hawaii, Idaho, Nevada, Saipan, Guam, Northern Mariana Islands and Washington state. Gilfillan said the high level of radiation most likely ended up in the milk after a cow ate grass or drank rainwater that contained it.

The California Department of Public Health has an ongoing program that checks milk for radiation levels and occasionally tests vegetables grown near power plants, said Gary Butner, chief of the department’s Radiologic Health Branch.

The FDA, which oversees the safety of the nation’s food supply, said such findings were to be expected in the coming days because of problems with the nuclear plant in Japan, and that the levels were expected to increase in the near future.

“Radiation is all around us in our daily lives and these findings are a minuscule amount compared to what people living right next to a nuclear reactor that has melted down experience every day,” said Mary Hillstrom, senior scientist at the FDA. “A person would be exposed to low levels of radiation on a round-trip cross-country flight, watching television and even from construction materials.”

SENDAI-SHI, JAPAN -   What’s next for Japan?  Snow!   Nuclear snow will be falling on this Japanese town tonight!

As Japan’s nuclear crisis intensified and authorities raced to combat the threat of multiple reactor meltdowns – they now have a new threat:  snow.

Forecasters predict heavy snowfall tonight in the area of the nuclear reactor.

More than 170,000 people have been evacuated after the quake in the tsunami-savaged northeastern coast where fears spread over possible radioactive contamination. And now the Japanese government may have to evacuate another 100,000 due to the coming snowstorm.

Meanwhile, muclear plant operators were frantically trying to keep temperatures down in a series of nuclear reactors – including one where officials feared a partial more meltdowns.

Some in Japan feel like this may be the Apocalypse.

Chief Cabinet Secretary Yukio Edano said that the nuclear snow could trigger yet anothe rhydrogen explosion at Unit 3 of the Fukushima Dai-ichi nuclear complex, the latest reactor to face a meltdown. That follows a blast the day before in the power plant’s Unit 1, and operators attempted to prevent a meltdown there by injecting sea water into it.

What more could go wrong in Japan?

TOKYO – This year’s Japan’s Fashion Week featured not just new clothes, but an entirely new kind of super model!

Japan’s annual Fashion Week is known for it’s innovative designs and trends. This year, Japan’s National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology debuted their own revolutionary redesign – of the model herself!

TOKYO – A group of Japanese children are convinced a zombie is attacking their home… so they fight back!

Three Japanese kids are tricked into believing a zombie is coming to get them. But they don’t get scared, they get mean.

That Obama really smashes my atoms!

The Communist-in-Chief just said he wants to ban all nuclear bombs. When he says such stupid, corny stuff, he sounds more like Miss America than the President. Except beauty queens don’t need Teleprompters! (And I’d like to see Obama twirl a baton while we’re at it!)

Nukes are what made America great! First off, they helped us win World War II. We had to nuke the Japs twice to get ‘em to smarten up, but it worked! All they did later was make a bunch of crappy Godzilla movies about giant radiation monsters. The Japs seem just as crazy now than they did before we bombed them, but at least they leave us alone!

Then we used nukes to scare the Russians into leaving us alone. Turns out they were just a bunch of drunks who couldn’t find the nuke button anyway. Losers!

If we outlaw nukes, then only outlaws will have them. Those sneaky Iranians and Koreans won’t give theirs up. I know those Koreans first hand – I fought them on Pork Chop Hill and you can’t trust them as far as you can throw a grenade. They’re jealous because Japan and China are like their cooler older brothers who got all the fancy outfits and takeout food that dumb Westerners like so much. Come on: it’s not like anybody’s gonna buy a snow globe full of barbequed beef.

Nukes create jobs for American scientists and factory workers and spies, not to mention all those anti-war hippies who need something to protest!

Mark my words: if Teleprompter Kid gets his way, he’ll turn West Point into a “Full Monty” touring company!

TOKYO – A number of Japanese citizens have become afflicted with what can only be described as a reanimation.

Residents from across the country, mostly in major cities, have begun to appear partially drawn in the animé tradition.

Some have noticed only a faint glow at their extremities, while others have awoken to find half their bodies illustrated.  At the current rate of incidence, live action Japanese life is at risk for survival.

“It’s like I’m half-me, half-Sailor Moon,” said teenager Kyoko Uki, one of the victim’s of the blight.  “I’m not sure how to feel.  I like Sailor Moon, but one of my eyes is huge.”

Others have reported bulging muscles far outside normal human proportions; fierce, resolute expressions that cannot be made to show happiness; and sudden, fist-first flights through space.

“The background’s all bright and filled with parallel lines, like I’m going really fast,” said another victim.  “What’s with that?”

Although little is known about the causes of the affliction, some theorists have suggested that it is the result of heavy media immersion.

“In a way, it was inevitable,” commented social critic Naoya Lei.  “What with the skyscrapers and the neon lights and the gadgets, this place can seem pretty artificial.  Now it just is.”