Thousands of Iranian woman are training to be ninjas – and they are ready for battle!

Thousands of Iranian women are taking their fight against the infidels to a new level.  Thousands of them are training to become Ninjas, the ancient Japanese stealth assassins who use swords, martial arts and throwing stars to neutralize their enemies.

The Atlantic is reporting that more than 3500 Iranian women are donning the ninja outfit and taking part in the intensive training. The program is being hailed as a massive attempt at women’s equality.

The Iranian regime’s 33-year quest to make Iranian women weak and helpless, to force them into child-like subservience, has failed. Though we in the West often perceive them this way because the hijab and the chador are all we see on the surface, women in Iran are stronger collectively and more assertive individually than the Islamic Republic would have us believe.

Women in Iran have a 42% unemployment rate, are required to dress modestly by law and are subject to beating and even stonings for adultery. Their fight takes a back seat to what is going on in Iran.During the Green protests for democracy last year in Iran, women were even killed for going out to protest the regime.

Watch a training video of the female Iranian ninjas in action.

MUNICH – Scientists are able to grow sperm in a laboratory dish.  Could this make men obsolete?

Some say that this development opens up the possibility of infertile men being able to father their own children rather than using donor sperm.  Others say that  now women can survive on the planet without men.

ISRAEL -  Parents have named their newborn son – “Like.”

Facebook is spawning an epidemic of FB baby naming.  We now have our second report of the inspiration for a newborn’s name being drawn from Mark Zuckerberg’s own baby.

First there was the Egyptian infant who was named “Facebook,” and now an Israeli child faces enduring adolescence with the name “Like.” Yes, that Like, as in the little hand with the thumbs-up, constantly approving of photos of your niece, your friends gig at the coffee shop and your girlfriend’s cat.

Like is the latest addition to the family of Lior and Vardit Adler. Father Lior says he was simply looking for a unique name and had considered some Chinese names, but settled on Like because, well, his wife liked the sound of it.

They first thought they’d name him “Status Update” or just “Friend” but they settled on “Like.”

TEL AVIV – Justin Bieber has been called in to help negotiate peace in the Mideast.

The 17-year-old Canadian singer included a stop in Israel as part of a worldwide tour and had planned to spend the week negotiating with Israeli and Palestinian leaders to bring peace to the region.

Hillary Clinton, Secretary of State for the United States, dimissed comments that ridiculing Bieber getting involved.  “Justin Bieber is a uniting force in the world today.  Many people around the globe – and in Israel, Gaza, The West Bank and all across the Mideast – have Bieber fever. Who better to help bring the parties together than an artist who sings, Never Say Never.”

Secretary Clinton went on to say that she, too, had Bieber fever. “He touched my hand.  It was amazing.”

But Bieber was besieged by adoring young fans and hounded by the Israel’s notoriously aggressive press pack, Bieber complained in tweets of being “superfrustrated” and retreated to his hotel, saying in a tweet: “How am I going to bring about world peace if the papparazzi keep stalking me?!”

Bieber had a private meeting with  Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu – nicknamed “Bibi” – and children affected by Palestinian rocket fire in Israel’s south.  He also met with Palestinian negotiators for several hours.

“I think I can work this whole thing out,”  Bieber told reporters afterward.  “It easy.  We just need to love each other, and then, we’ll be in love with each other and love will make everyone love each other in the Mideast.”

Bieber’s manager Scooter Braun, meanwhile, rode a camel to Egypt.

At his concert last night, Bieber told the crowd: “I want to see this country and all the places I’ve dreamed of and I want them to be happy and peaceful without bombs or missiles or guns.  I want the whole world to be flowers and rainbows.  I think I can make that happen.”

If anyone can do it…. The Biebs can do it!

VATICAN CITY -  Pope Benedict XVI has exonerated the Jews for killing Jesus.  They had nothing to do with the death of Jesus Christ.  Aliens did it!

Pope Benedict XVI has made a sweeping exoneration of the Jewish people for the death of Jesus Christ, tackling one of the most controversial issues in Christianity.
In “Jesus of Nazareth-Part II” excerpts released Wednesday, Benedict explains biblically and theologically why there is no basis in Scripture for the argument that the Jewish people as a whole were responsible for Jesus’ death.

Interpretations to the contrary have been used for centuries to justify the persecution of Jews. While the Catholic Church has for five decades taught that Jews weren’t collectively responsible, Jewish scholars said Wednesday the argument laid out by the German-born pontiff, who has had his share of mishaps with Jews, was a landmark statement from a pope that would help fight anti-Semitism today.

“Holocaust survivors know only too well how the centuries-long charge of ‘Christ killer’ against the Jews created a poisonous climate of hate that was the foundation of anti-Semitic persecution whose ultimate expression was realized in the Holocaust,” said Elan Steinberg of the American Gathering of Holocaust Survivors and their Descendants.
The pope’s book, he said, not only confirms church teaching refuting the deicide charge “but seals it for a new generation of Catholics.”

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu thanked Pope Benedict XVI on Thursday for statements in a forthcoming book exonerating the Jews of responsibility for the death of Jesus Christ.

“I commend you for forcefully rejecting, in your recent book, a false charge that has been a foundation for the hatred of the Jewish people for many centuries,” Netanyahu wrote to the pontiff in a letter, a copy of which was released by his office.

“My fervent hope is that your clarity and courage will strengthen the relations between Jews and Christians throughout the world and help promote peace and reconciliation for generations to come,” the letter added.

So, if the Jews didn’t kill Jesus, who did?

“Jesus Christ was killed by sinners and aliens!”  Pope Benedict XVI told a shocked crowd in St. Peter’s Basilica.  “I believe that aliens from Planet Zeeba came down to earth and they are responsible for the crucifixion.”

Aliens were stunned to learn that they are being blamed.  They are meeting now to discuss how to respond.

JERUSALEM – Israeli archaeologists said Monday they found the earliest evidence yet for the existence of modern man.

A Tel Aviv University team excavating a cave in central Israel said teeth and feet found in the cave are about 400,000 years old and resemble those of other remains of modern man, known scientifically as Homo sapiens, found in Israel.

The earliest Homo sapiens remains found until now are half as old.

“It’s very exciting to come to this conclusion,” said archaeologist Zev Bavid, whose team examined the teeth and feet with X-rays and CT scans and dated them according to the layers of earth where they were found.  Bavid said, “this changes the whole picture of evolution.”

When he said this, there was lighting and thunder in the sky.

The accepted scientific theory is that Homo sapiens originated in Africa and migrated out of the continent. Bavid said the remains are definitively linked to modern human’s ancestors and means that modern man in fact originated in what is now Israel.

Renowed American archaeologist, Professor Susan Begley of Princeton University, flew to Israel on her birthday to examine the remains.  “These teeth and feet are definitely human and prove without a doubt that man has always had bad teeth and ugly feet.”

The Israeli teams is allowing Professor Begley to take the foot remains back to New Jersey with her, where she will be examining them closely over the next two weeks.

Sir George Mordore, a prehistory expert, and foot fetishist, at Cambridge University, said the find is “the most significant in the history of mankind.”

Some are skeptical and believe that the remains are related to modern man’s ancient relatives, the Neanderthals.  Noted Neanderthal expert, Dr. Chris Blanton had this to say, “do bakum sec makren prim” which means “Neanderthals are the first.”

According to today’s accepted scientific theories, modern humans and Neanderthals stemmed from a common ancestor who lived in Africa about 700,000 years ago. One group of descendants migrated to Europe and developed into Neanderthals, later becoming extinct. Another group stayed in Africa and evolved into Homo sapiens — modern humans.

“Teeth and feet are considered the most reliable indicators of origin, even better than analysis of skull remains,” Begley said.  “If we had a few fingers that would help, but toes can tell you everything you need to know.”

Even so, the Israeli team is pursing its quest to find the skull.  Begley didn’t think it was necessary, “All prehistoric skulls seem to be the same – seen one, seen them all.”

The prehistoric Qesem cave was discovered in 2000, and excavations began in 2004.  Maybe there will be even more remains found.  If so, WWN will be there!

JERUSALEM – A fish invading the shores of Israel has been nicknamed after Hezbollah’s leader!

The fish was unknown to Israeli scientists until 2001, when they began to arrive in droves through the Suez Canal from the Red Sea. Now the country’s coasts are overrun!

“They’ve had a population explosion,” said Dani Golani of Hebrew University. “They are producing more offspring than the environment can handle.”

Israelis soon found a suitable name for the problematic species. “They are so dangerous, one sting can kill a person or leave them paralyzed for weeks,” said Moti Mendelson, a marine researcher. “There are many of them – like Hezbollah soldiers.”

Hezbollah are the Shi’a militia in Lebanon, who first emerged in 1982 during the Israeli invasion. Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah responded to the fish’s naming, stating:

“Israeli researchers surprisingly call this fish handsome and cute, apparently they think it about me. But if I have poison – I am ready to sting. We are all ready to sting the occupying enemy who occupies our land and take our saints.”

Unfortunately for Lebanese citizens, the fish are likely to be moving into their waters as well. What will it be called then?

At a shocking press conference this morning, Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama announced that he has a half-man half-bat half-brother.

The boyish looking half brother of undetermined age had been living in a cave in the Karura Forest outside Nairobi, until he was recently discovered by Dr. Robert Ndesango of Kenyatta University. Dr. Ndesango, who had been researching in the cave, was at first startled by the unusual boy, who quickly introduced himself as Obatma. Soon enough, the boy was showing him his part of the cave and pictures he’d drawn on the walls.

Tests indicate that the boy mutant is indeed Barack Obama’s younger half brother; the two share a father but have different mothers.

It was during the “gap” in his official itinerary in Israel that Obama took a military helicopter to Kenya to clandestinely visit his kin. The McCain camp had obtained pictures of Obatma and had threatened to release them to the nation if Obama did not own up to the mutant.

Senator Obama stood proudly next to the brother he claims to have first met on a trip to Kenya during the late 1990’s. Michelle Obama declined to attend the announcement and said through a spokeswoman, “That boy is strange. He will not be coming near my house or my kids.”

When asked how Obama’s half brother came to be a half-bat mutant, Obama said it was “a family matter that should remain private.”

Critics question if having a mutant brother could hurt him in the election. Obama replied “There is no greater bond than that of family. Turning my back on him would be like cutting off a limb. From the volcanoes of Hawaii, through the cornfields of Kansas and on to the caves of Kenya, I have lived the American dream and my unique diversity is what truly allows me to be so audacious in my hope.

“Obatma shares my DNA and will be uniquely qualified to understand some of the difficult issues facing mutants in this country and around the world.”

Will Bat Boy, the most famous mutant of them all, now come out and endorse Obama?

Senator McCain could not be reached for comment, but sources say he was glad that the intense discussion of Obatma now sweeping the nation would lessen the focus on whether his running mate, Governor Palin, may actually be a Palien hailing from a small planet east of the sun known as Wazeela.

SAWYER, MI — “We are blessed, that’s for sure,” John Aaron told Weekly World News. “I’m not sure where this is all going to lead, but our family is on a very exciting journey.”

A year ago, John and his wife Rachel would not have believed what fate had in store for them

To begin with, their doctor had just informed them that Rachel couldn’t have children.

“We were devastated at first, but we took it as a sign from God,” said the pragmatic John. “There are so many orphaned or forgotten children in the world that we decided to adopt. We contacted an agency and were told that a Middle Eastern baby needed a home. We offered to give him one.”

The Aarons were selected and the 3-month-old child arrived with­in days. They called him Marshal.

“He was beautiful and so well behaved,” said Rachel. “As soon as I held him, I knew he was ours.”

The Aarons took Marshal everywhere — to the park, to the movies, and also to church. One Sunday, shortly after Marshal’s first birthday, the priest delivered a sermon about the importance of following the Ten Commandments.

“Father Ramer talked about Moses and how he performed the miracles of God, liberating the Children of Israel and parting the Red Sea,” said Rachel. “Marshal was very quiet during the service. I thought he was sleeping, but when I looked at him I saw that he actually seemed to be listening.”

“After church we went to Warren Dunes Beach on Lake Michigan for a picnic,” John said. “No sooner had we spread our blanket on the crowded beach than we heard a crash offshore. Two motorboats had collided and one of them had overturned. I could see from the frantic arm-waving that there were five teenagers, and none of them was wearing a life jacket.”

“Two lifeguards rushed out in a dinghy but we didn’t think they would get there in time,” Rachel said. “Just then I noticed that Marshal had left the blanket. I saw him crawling near the edge of the lake. Then he rose un­stead­ily and stretched his arms toward the water.”

What happened then was as unbelievable as it was unexpected. The surface of the lake began to ripple, then tremble, and then the water exploded from the middle, two huge waves folding back on themselves.

“There was a lot of spray at first, but when it cleared we could see that there was a path from the beach to the teenagers,” John said. “It was astonishing!

“The waters had parted and the kids were lying on the muddy lake bed, dirty but unharmed.”

The lifeguards left their boat and carried the teens back to shore. When they were safe, Marshal lowered his arms and the waters returned to normal.

“In all the hubbub no one had noticed our little boy,” Rachel said. “To them, this was just some weird tidal phenomenon. To us, it suggested something much more.”

“We don’t know what it is,” John said. “But as I told you earlier, one thing I do know: Our family has embarked on a strange and very exciting journey!”