NEW YORK – Aliens have visited space shuttle Enterprise, and left evidence behind to prove it.

As NASA officials stationed at JFK were preparing the prototype shuttle for its final home at Manhattan’s Intrepid Sea, Air and Space Museum, they discovered what they are calling “foreign material” on board. Engineers and NASA officials were unwilling to go record, but sources confirm that the material is of an extraterrestrial nature.

A security guard at the JFK hangar where Enterprise is being stored explained the scene as the NASA crew made its discovery. “They had on HAZMAT suits and were bringing out all these high-tech Ziploc bags with stuff in them. I saw some moss-looking stuff come out, and some metal tool-looking pieces. They were all complaining about the smell. Apparently, whatever was in there left a mess. The scientist was like, maybe they were trying to catch a ride home or something. But you know, they picked the wrong shuttle.”

Samples have been shipped to the Kennedy Space Center in Florida and are currently undergoing analysis by staff cosmochemists.

Paul Ebrim, director of Intrepid exhibits, expects the shuttle’s arrival at the museum to be delayed by at least one month due to the discovery.

Enterprise never ventured to space, serving only as the NASA prototype.

WASHINGTON – NASA announced today that all three of its soon-to-be-retired shuttles will go to Disney facilities.

As part of the agreement, Disney announced that two of the shuttles, Atlantis and Endeavour, will stay in the United States at Disney World and Disneyland respectively.

The third shuttle, Discovery, which insiders speculated was going to the Smithsonian’s National Air and Space Museum, will be headed to Shanghai Disneyland (estimated to open in 2016).

“It’s a national disaster, a tragedy, a travesty. I could go on. For NASA to team up with Disney is unconscionable. They might as well just stick the shuttle on 42nd St. and move the Spiderman production in there,” said an enraged Stephen Holdwich, director of the Intrepid Sea, Air and Space Museum in New York City.

“We’ve been working for this for years, as have many other museums and legitimate institutions all over our country. NASA had requirements, none of which Disney manages to satisfy. These shuttles should have gone to science.  It’s like donating your organs to a lollipop factory,” Holdwich continued.

Twenty-one air and space museums, science centers and educational institutions believed they were in the running to receive at least one of the retired space shuttles.

These institutions have been vying for the honor to exhibit and house a NASA shuttle since 2008. NASA had established certain criteria to qualify for an application. Interested organizations needed to:

-    be in the United States or one of its possessions
-    be able to house the space shuttle in a suitable climate-controlled indoor display or storage space
-    be ready and able to accommodate delivery of the shuttle by modified Boeing 747 jetliner by as early as December 2011
-    and be able to afford the estimated $28.8 million needed to prepare the orbiter for safe display and for transport to the museum

NEW YORK, NY – Following three years of repair, the USS Intrepid’s return to Manhattan was greeted by the Tri-State Area’s only known Kraken.

The decommissioned WWII battleship returns to its dock, reopening the Intrepid Sea, Air, and Space Museum. Spectators were delighted as the Battleship approached the city, and even more surprised when Grakkle the Kraken emerged in dramatic fashion sending waves crashing over the Intrepid.

Executive Director of the Intrepid Museum, Susan Marenoff commented, “It was such a pleasure to have Grakkle rise in honor of the Intrepid’s return. We had no idea he was in the area, or a fan of the museum. We’re hoping to have him participate in an upcoming exhibition on the role of US Warships in the Kraken-Great Squid Battle of 1948.”

Viewers were treated to a nautical display not seen in recent decades. While Grakkle was once a common site along the coast of Manhattan, Coney Island, and the Long Island Sound, he been much more reclusive as of late.

“I was delighted to see two of New York City’s treasures together,” New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg told reporters, “but my fear is that the rise of Grakkle is a portent for something brewing under the waters of New York. We really cannot afford another Kraken outlash against our trade ships. Not in this economy.”