Manigator has tossed Paris aside for a new overexposed celebrity.

Although reported to be dating the recently single Paris Hilton, it appears that Manigator has set his reptilian sights on the newest rumored single lady: Lindsay Lohan.

Lindsay began seeing British DJ Samantha Ronson this past year. While the press speculated on the nature of their relationship for some time, Lohan has recently been very open about the two being in love.

But recent reports of the Lindsay and Sam seeking couples counseling has led some to believe the relationship is on its way out. And the Manigator has spotted his way in! While unaware of Ellen’s preferences when he courted her, he has only been further tempted by Lindsay’s bisexuality and believes he can turn her to his interspecial ways.

Manigator has been showing up at Sam’s DJing nights wearing his own special swamp-brewed cologne, a mixture of rotting vegetation and moonshine. Thus far his efforts to persuade Lindsay have been moot, as evidenced by her latest Facebook post:

oy vey! rumors…

just to clear this up… because i have been getting a lot of emails asking me this one question.

manigator and lindsay lohan (me) are NOT getting together

i know what was published but i did NOT make out with him (it?) last night.

he got kicked out after like five minutes cause he bit a bouncer!

so over men. and half-men.

take care
xxLL

NEW YORK, NY – Bat Boy was spotted taking part in Proposition 8 protests this past weekend.

All across the country, citizens united in protest of California’s Proposition 8 to strictly define marriage between a man and a woman, as well as other anti-same-sex marriage laws that were passed on November 4.

Bat Boy was seen outside City Hall with “PROP 8″ with an X through it painted across his chest. While Bat Boy was unable to convey his feelings through words, he did send his high-pitched squeaks of dissent echoing across the plaza.

Many mutants turned out for these protests. Mutant rights organizers explained that a number of mutants, such as the Manigator, are born from interspecial relations. Legalizing gay marriage is one step closer to allowing these unconventional unions to be officially recognized.

Manigator was not present at the rallies, as he was too busy getting “tore up” with his sewer alligator cousins.

LOS ANGELES, CA – ABC has fired Bigfoot from the TV show “Grey’s Anatomy” as an act of minimizing on-air interspecial relationships.

At the beginning of the season, the Cryptids & Humanoids Alliance Against Defamation was applauding the show for showing an interspecial relationship in a positive and realistic way. CHAAD’s yeti president, Longtooth, said, “It was like a breath of fresh air, especially after that awful lizard man fetishist storyline on ‘Law & Order’ last year.”

However, CHAAD has quickly turned against “Grey’s Anatomy” after it was announced last week that Bigfoot would be getting the boot. ABC representatives issued this statement: “Bigfoot was obviously not fired for being in a relationship with a human. Unfortunately, we did not find that the magic and chemistry with Bigfoot’s character would sustain in the long run.”

CHAAD was not the only one left furious. On a recent appearance on the Ellen DeGeneres Show, co-star Patrick Dempsey explained through gritted teeth, ““I think his story line has come to an end. Thursday night is his last show, which is too bad, he has been a great character, and I don’t know what happened with that story line. They decided not to continue it for some reason.”

It was rumored that Bigfoot’s relationship would soon lead to a walk down the aisle, leaving the show to deal with the very controversial topic of different-species marriage. But it looks like we’ll never know.