BENTONVILLE, AR – Wal-Mart has begun selling a crunchy snack mix that contains real insects!

Wal-Mart launched “Bug Crunch” a new line of salty, baked insects as part of their effort to branch out to new markets, as well as the larger global economy.

Wal-Mart admits they are taking a risk. But they are starting slow by launching just three flavors:

– Ranch Locust

– Barbeque Beetle

– Classic Cricket (pictured below)

Suzanne McNally, the head of Wal-Mart’s global nutrition initiative defended the decision to sell Bug Crunch at a press conference on Tuesday. “Insects are a great source of protein. We wanted to make them accessible to people who are looking for a healthy alternative to pork chops and ribeyes. Insects are a delicacy in many parts of the world. Now they are available for Joe the Plumber and people like him.”

Food critics all over the world received samples of each variety earlier this week. While none were willing to go on record before their official reviews were published, most agreed that Bug Crunch was an exciting addition to the world snack sector.

A dining critic at the New York Times requested to remain anonymous, but gave a brief review. “Plain and simple, they’re good. They have good crunch, a bit of salt, and a touch of earthy sweet. I will definitely serve the Classic Cricket at my next cocktail party as a bar snack paired with a fresh peach salsa or a spicy mango chutney.”

Expect to see all three flavors at your local Wal-Mart by the start of next week.

HUP PA TARD, THAILAND – The dragon millipede has come out as the first openly gay insect in the world!

The millipede was just discovered last year by scientists in the Greater Mekong area. It is most notable for its bright pink coloring, which was originally thought to act as a warning to predators.

But Weekly World News has the exclusive scoop: pink is actually his choice of self-expression! The teenage arthropod exclaimed, “I’m here! I’m queer! I’m a Desmoxytes purpurosea! Get used to it!”

His parents, Mr and Mrs. Dragon Millipede, are more subdued but supportive. “To be honest, it didn’t come as a big surprise. Most of us millipedes are happy to crawl around very slowly in earth tones, but not our D.M. Junior. He’s very unique.” She affectionately ruffled Junior’s antennae, to which he sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes.

When asked how he felt, Mr. Dragon Millipede shrugged his multiple shoulders. “I guess we won’t be playing 400 Ball Catch any time soon. But at least you can help your mother do her make-up now, right? Right, son?”

D.M. Junior silently went up to his cave and slammed his rainbow colored door.