DECORAH, IOWA – There was an Elvis sighting on President Obama’s tour of the midwest!

CHATHAM, IL – A Bigfoot footprint was identified and authenticated in Illinois!

ILLINOIS – Hundreds of witnesses saw a UFO transform itself into a passenger jet.

CHICAGO, IL – The infamous Tsavo lions, said to have killed over 100 people, were found to have only eaten 35.

CHICAGO, IL – A 51-year-old chunk of hair taken from Elvis’ haircut when he entered the Army is going up for auction this week.

CHICAGO, IL – Sources inside the Obama Transition Team have confirmed that Rahm Emanuel tipped off FBI to Governor Rod Blagojevich’s schemes as payback.

CHICAGO, IL – Obatma was wrongly arrested this morning for conspiring to sell Barack Obama’s vacant Senate seat.

WASHINGTON, DC – President-Elect Obama asserted influence this weekend, advising President Bush on which holiday choir to pick for the White House – and they’re aliens!

SPRINGFIELD, IL – In a move widely seen as political pandering, the Governor of Illinois announced an unusual choice for Obama’s seat in the Senate.

NEW YORK, NY – With the economy continuing its roller-coaster ride this week, retailers are expecting a different type of crowd.