The White House will announce new “open borders” policy with Mexico and Canada.  ”All are welcome!”

Sources inside the White House say that the Obama Administration is planning on announcing “a new, bold, creative approach” to the border problem with Mexico.  ”We are going to let everyone in that wants to come in.  It’s our little Holiday present to the world,” said a source close to an aide to a White House represenative.

The White House will reportedly keep the borders open for at least sixty days and if the experiment goes well, the President may sign an executive order keeping the borders open indefinitely.

“The U.S. government will save an enormous amount of money when we eliminate the Border Patrol and open the borders.  The Republicans are always wanting to get rid of government agencies and the President finally heard them… He’s getting rid of the Border Patrol, and the border,” a Senior Adviser told WWN.

The source told WWN that the White House asked demographic experts from our nation’s top universities to determine how many people could “comfortably” live in the United States without straining resources.   The experts – from Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Notre Dame, Vanderbilt and The Citadel – concluded that the U.S. could accommodate 700 million people right now.  ”But in ten years, with modern housing technology and better distribution of natural resources and food, the U.S. could  handle over 2 billion people.

The Administration feels that an extra 300-400 million people will revive the economy and lift up the housing market.  ”We’re going to need more of everything – houses, roads, schools, offices.  Our economy will be on fire,” said a source in the Administration.

Reports are that the White House will see how many come across the border in the first month and then calculate when the country will hit the 700 million mark.  ”We think it may happen in October 2012, but we are not sure.  But when we hit 700 million, the President plans to shut the border down.  No more will be allowed in – at least until after the election.”

By January, kiosks will open up in Big Bend National Park in Texas allowing people from all across the world to scan their identity documents from their country of origin and just… get busy in America!

The idea has sparked strong opposition from Republicans and even some Democrats.  ”This is insanity!  How can he open the border?  What about terrorism?  Have they gone mad?” said an aide to Speaker of the House John Boehner.

“Republicans are just racists. They only want white people in America,” said a top Democratic consultant.  ”They are going to alienate the new citizens who will be making the long journey to our country.  They need to open their hearts more.”

Canadians were upset that the original plan called for the Feds open the southern U.S. border only.  ”The Canadians whined and complained incessantly.  But since there’s only 34 million Canadians on the planet, the Administration decided to open the northern border as well,” said a source outside the White House.  ”Most Canadians live within 90 miles of the U.S. anyway, so they practically are Americans already.”

There are rumors that the President might go to Texas to open the first border checkpoint personally.  ”It’s going to be a great day for America.  The President wants to open the gates personally.”

Get ready for a flood of new Americans!

LAREDO, TX – Texas lawmakers have confirmed that Terror Babies are crawling across the border and heading for… you!

Texas Republican  Louie Gohmert confirmed last night on Anderson Cooper 360° that babies, all under the age of 1, are crossing the Mexican border, crawling into Texas and terrorizing local citizens – and America.

A FBI agent, Pete Ramsey, confirmed that a new baby terrorist cell has formed and they’ve figured out ways to game the American system.  “The babies know that we are looking for adults, teenagers and, generally, human beings over the age of 5.  They know that they can just crawl past us and we wouldn’t even give them a second look… but not anymore.  Now we’re on to those little buggers. We’ll nail them, damn right we will!”

Another Texas lawmaker, Debbie Riddle, came on Anderson Cooper’s show. The Republican member of the Texas State Legislature said her office is getting up-to-the-minute reports on the terror babies from former FBI officials. The Terror Baby cell has been active since December of 2009, when most of the terrorists were born.  These babies were born in the United States and Mexico – and have teamed up to terrorize adults in both countries. They scream, belch, and poop – everywhere.. And they do when you’re least expecting it.

Laredo residents have been taking extra precautions – when they see a baby crawling on a dirt road, they ignore him or her.  “Usually, if I saw a baby, or group of babies, crawling around by themselves, my natural instinct is to go over there and help the little fellas out, but not now.  No, sir.  I’m staying far away from them varmints.”

Some people confuse the Terror Babies with the recent news about “birth tourism” or “anchor babies” – which is when undocumented citizens have their babies in the United States and the babies immediately become U.S. citizens.

There have been sightings of terror babies as far north as Kentucky, where several horse ranchers said the babies crawled into their stables and stole some horses. A few babies crawled into a farmhouse and tried to breastfeed off a woman in her thirties.  She’s recovering now in a Lexington Hospital.

There was one baby, six-month-old Little Charlie, who was apprehended by Kentucky authorities.  “We haven’t been able to get much out of him.  All he keeps saying is goo-goo, gaa-gaa.  But, we’ll break him. Count on it,” said Officer Skip Perkins.

How many Terror Babies are in the U.S.?  FBI agents say it’s hard to tell… but there may be over 50,000 in the Southwest alone.  Do not approach theses babies!  They aren’t armed, but they can be extremely dangerous, especially if they haven’t been changed in a while.

Beware the Babies!!!

TUSCON -  Mysterious chemical agents are being sprayed over Arizona by the federal government.

These chemtrails, which scientists say contain barium, aluminum salts, thorium, and bozobonium, have been released across the Arizona skies.  Professor Marco Maridakis, of the University of Phoenix, said these chemtrails seem to only affect the 70% of the Arizona population that supports SB-1070.  “These are a new kind of chemtrails, called SmartChems (smart chemtrails), which are designed (and programmed) to attack certain members of a population.  They seek out their targets and…  surgically spray them.”

Citizens of Arizona are reporting nausea, vomiting and a general feeling of disgust… which is quickly followed by elation and adoration for the Obama Administration.  In the last 24 hours the support for SB-1070 has dropped to 49%.   Arizona expert, Lady Gaga,  predicts that number to be “less than zero” by tomorrow.

If you are not familiar with chemtrails, they are different from contrails (condensation trials), which are artificial clouds, visible trails of condensed water vapor made by the exhaust of aircraft  engines.  Chemtrails are not  the common forms of aerial spraying such as crop dusting, cloud seeding or aerial firefighting.  Chemtrails are aerial trails caused by the systematic high-altitude release of chemical substances, resulting in the appearance of supposedly uncharacteristic sky tracks.   Sometimes they look like bunny rabbits.

“The federal government is getting back at us for trying to keep our state safe from the illegal immigrant invasion. They’re trying to kill us off!” said Chris Carpernteria of Flagstaff.  “But it’s not going to work.  We got gas masks being shipped in from all parts of the country.  We’re going to fight the government. We’re going to live, dammit, we’re going to live!”

Chris Carpenteria was admitted to Walgreens Hospital in Flagstaff.  He died shortly after.

WWN contacted Janet Napolitano of Homeland Security, who vehemently denied that the government was targeting Arizona citizens with chemtrails.  “We would never do anything to harm the citizens of our country. We support Arizonans, one thousand percent.”  Napolitano was in Rosarito, Mexico when she made this statement.  She was meeting with the Mexican Army, planning an invasion of Arizona.

There are many who doubt the mere existence of chemtrails, but William Makepie of Grand Canyon Village had a warning for chemtrail deniers.  “That’s what them skeptics said fifty years ago, when there was nothing but a bunch of farmland here.  Then, Truman sprayed us with chemtrails in the 50s and it obliterated everything, blew this big hole in the ground, making what I call Grand Chemtrail Canyon.  Millions died right here.”  Makepie is a history professor at the University of Arizona.

Are there chemtrails?

Check out the killer chemtrails:

Here’s a leading biological weapons scholar, Prince, talking about Chemtrails

TORONTO, CANADA – Thousands of proud but recently fired investment bankers are flooding into Mexico and Canada in a desperate bid to find steady work and job security that are no longer available in the U.S.!

A spokesman for the U.S. Border Patrol says an astonishing 500 to 1,000 citizens are crossing our Northern and Southern borders every day, some with the help of smugglers who charge up to $10,000 a pop to pack them in refrigerator boxes or roll them up in carpets and sneak them over in trucks.

Mexican border patrol officers are now working around the clock to stop this new influx of American immigrants.

“They used to try to stop us from heading over there, but now they want to come over here,” says one member of the Mexican policia whose squad lines up to stop flow of briefcase-carrying freeloaders.

“They make fun of us and don’t want us over there,” he says. “Well, we don’t want them over here either!”

“I grew up in America and I love my country, but Lord knows, I have to make a living,” Peter Starmeyer, 38, says from the makeshift plywood and cardboard shanty he now calls home on Toronto’s increasingly seedy west side.

“When Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy and I lost my job, I had no other choice. The only way for me to keep living the American dream was to move to Canada where businesses value and respect workers and try to help them hold on to their jobs.”

When asked where he is working now, he pointed at a brothel across the dock. “With my investment advice, Madame Cherry will be able to expand her business in no time!”, he proclaimed with a proud smile.

Montreal, looks like you’ll be seeing Cherry’s Orchard 2 soon!