NEW YORK, NY – Heidi Montag may be having second thoughts regarding her extensive plastic surgery!

Could Heidi Montag’s nose fall off? Could she potentially melt from extreme heat? Probably a little extreme, but they are possibilities given Montag’s numerous procedures. The reality TV “star” underwent 10 major nips and tucks in one day in 2009 – a feat she boasted with pride. Looks like the luster of her new body is wearing off and Montag is having serious regrets about her new, plastic body.

Montag opens up in the upcoming issue of Life & Style magazine. She admits that fear has crept into her mind as she’s afraid that her surgeries may backfire. These fears were compounded with the recent and unexpected death of her plastic surgeon, Dr. Frank Ryan.

“I’m desperate to go back to normal,” she told the magazine. “I’m downgrading and going a little smaller, to a D or a double D.”

Now nine months after her extensive procedures, Montag admits that she is still in severe pain and her body has not gotten used to the over the top boob job. “I have major anxiety about it. I was taking painkillers but they weren’t working so I stopped. It hurt either way.”

Her massive tatas impede Montag from hugging her four dogs and she can’t wear anything but custom-made clothing.

“I’m obsessed with fitness but it’s impossible to work out with these boobs,” she says. “It’s heartbreaking. I can’t live an everyday life.”

Montag has been on the search for a replacement surgeon in South America, but she worries she’ll remain trapped in her cartoonish body forever since the untimely passing of her confidant Dr. Ryan. “I feel trapped in my own body,” she added.

“There’s just no fixing it,” she says. “Dr. Ryan knows the work he did, he knows everything.”

At least we know that Montag has a shred of humanity left in her – after all that plastic surgery. Unfortunately, if she does go through with the reduction, her dreams of being a 3D boob-superhero will never be realized.

LOS ANGELES, CA – One reality TV star had some interesting comments about his father!

Spencer Pratt is looking to set a record for most enemies created. Pratt, who is in the process of separating from wife Heidi Montag, has drawn the ire and nausea from hundreds of thousands of viewers nationwide. The MTV reality star decided that calling his father out on Father’s Day was a good idea.

“This is the day my earth dad wishes he had worn a condom. No joke,” Pratt, 25, wrote on Twitter Sunday.

Pratt has been on a mental and emotional roller-coaster as of late and it’s been conveniently publicized by the media. According to Us Weekly, Pratt has significantly distanced himself from his family.

He is estranged from younger sister Stephanie and doesn’t speak to his parents because “he felt his parents would talk to him only about Stephanie and that they charged him with taking care of her,” an insider tell Us Weekly. “He thinks she’s a loser and doesn’t want anything to do with her.”

His parents noticed his emotional and mental decline and stayed by his side as long as they could. But his erratic behavior has become too much and they have tapped out. They have even removed all pictures of him from their home.

Montag filed for divorce on June 8 and has moved out to Malibu to work on a new reality show about her single life. Pratt is going to be devastated when Montag makes it as a big time movie star.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – The Transformers franchise will be missing a very important piece in its next installment!

As the saying goes, “the show must go on,” and that’s the case with Transformers 3. The project will go on about its business, but Megan Fox will be no where to be found. The 24-year-old beauty and the blockbuster franchise have decided to part ways. Rumors have been flying as to what caused the breakup and who will replace Fox in the next film.

It seems as though the winning rumor has it that Fox won’t be returning to the franchise because director Michael Bay told her she must put on some weight as she looked too skinny. That caused some tension between the pair and Bay finds himself looking for a new love interest for lead actor Shia LaBeouf.

A source on set told UK newspaper The Sun: “Megan stormed out after a huge row with Michael Bay. He thinks she has lost too much weight and looks too frail.”

“He wanted her to put on some weight and it all kicked off,” the source said. “The crew don’t think she looks well, let alone the wholesome, curvy star they cast in the first film.”

As for a replacement, reality TV star Heidi Montag has thrown her name into the hat. The plastic surgery addict thinks that she would be a good fit for the franchise and has taken to Twitter to express her feelings.

“Michael Bay I love your work! I know what a artistic brilliant genius you are! Cast me in the next Transformers,” she tweeted.

Montag’s acting resume isn’t exactly extensive, or impressive for that matter. She’s also been quoted as saying that she wants to star in a 3-D superhero movie where her boobs save the day. But, if Bay needs to generate some buzz for the upcoming film, Montag would definitely bring him some publicity – whether it’s good publicity is another story.

Transformers’ fans will certainly have one less reason to go see the next film. A sad occurrence, but “the show must go on.”

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Heidi Montag is like a bad haircut and it wont go away. She’s got plans to become a movie star with superpowers!

Heidi Montag rose to fame thanks to her six seasons on MTV’s The Hills. The reality show, coupled with her highly publicized relationship with Spencer Pratt, have propelled her into Hollywood’s spotlight. Montag is looking to take the next step in her career and become a movie star.

“I’m so excited The Hills is finally over and I can now become a full time motion picture actress, Montag told People magazine. “There is no better training [for an actor] than being in front of the cameras 24-7.”

Montag has recently worked with Oscar-winning director Ron Howard and she’s slated to appear in an upcoming film with Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston, Just Go With It. Montag says that thanks to those opportunities she has “been able to truly find what makes me the happiest in life.” She also told People that it was time “to truly show the world my creative ability … while playing … different characters.”

She plans to show that creative ability with her upcoming project that revolves around a 3-D beach comedy. The concept is that a shark attacks a small beach town and she saves the day with her 3-D boobs. Montag has even written in a part for Dolly Parton to play the town mayor.

The project has yet to be picked up and it’s shocking that no one is knocking down the door to get the first action. Regardless, Montag is extremely confident that this will be the start of her career and “my new life as female mogul in Hollywood!” It’s only a matter of time before the Oscars start to pile up.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Heidi Montag has continued her downward spiral into absurdity and added one more moment into the head-scratching category!

Her recent shopping spree at the plastic surgeon has been well chronicled. According to her, a jaw-dropping 10 plastic surgery procedures made her the happiest she’s ever been. “The Hills” star became the source of many jokes and she’s apparently joined in the mocking.

Montag, with the help of FunnyorDie.com and Oscar-winner Ron Howard, has shot a video in which she mocks herself for the sake of an important message. The video is aimed to urge Congress to enact financial reform.

“I was honored to work with the amazing Ron Howard,” Montag told PEOPLE. “He was even more incredible than I could have imagined – kind, generous and made me feel so comfortable – he made me feel confident in my talent.” That’s some strong appreciation. It’s almost if she confused him for a plastic surgeon and was trying to get a good deal on her next procedure[s].

The video was shot at a private home in Los Angeles and was released Tuesday. It was semi-scripted as it left some room for improvising. Montag’s husband makes an appearance and the dress in the video was designed by Montag.

Montag’s video is part of a series of the unusual marketing techniques employed by Americans for Financial Reform. They are urging, among other things, massive call-in days throughout the week to push Congress toward forming a strong and independent Consumer Financial Protection Agency.

Check out the video below.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Heidi Montag has gone under ten plastic surgeries in one day.  She is secretly becoming a Bionic Woman.

Photos have been released now of a post operative Heidi Montag.  On November 20, 2009, she went under at least 10 surgeries in one day to achieve physical perfection.  Her hips thighs and neck were liposuctioned, botox injected, chin reduced, and breasts enlarged.  But her quest for perfection didn’t stop there.  The former The Hills star paid for doctors to implant robotic devices to give her bionic super powers.

Weekly World News has discovered that heiress and reality TV star Heidi Montag now has powers far beyond those of any mortal man.  A team of 10 surgeons, 4 robotics specialists, and 3 auto mechanics spent 23 hours in surgery giving Montag her cosmetic updates and bionic implants.

Now the slight framed starlet is stronger than an Olylmpic weight lifter and can outrun a cheetah.  Lab tests show her lifting 185 lbs with her kegels.  Optical and auditory implants increase her vision and hearing ten-fold.  She also has a USB port and wifi.  With the enhancements complete, Heidi says, “Now I’m  stronger, faster, fiercer!”

When asked what she will do with her newfound powers, Montag says she will “Be Fierce!”  When asked exactly what that entails she said, “UGH!  You just don’t understand!”  After a mild hissy fit about how no one understands her, she continued, “I am going to so much fiercer now.  Now I can spot haters or paparazzi from literally a mile away.  And dress sales, forget about it.  And I can hear what’s going on at the other end of the room, so I’ll always know who’s saying what and know all the gossip.  How awesome is that?!  And my new album is coming out soon!  So the choreography for that is going to be amazing.  It’s going to be better than Madonna, like the actual mother of Jesus, if she’d put on a concert.  And I like don’t have to worry about getting exhausted from touring, just plug me into the wall, give me some frozen yogurt and I’m good.”

Reporters asked Montag if she would be using her super human abilities to help her fellow man.  She replied, “Hey, I’m a role model!  I lift people out of their boring dull lives by showing them how awesome life can be when you’re young, beautiful, rich, famous, and now super powered.  That’s like a public service!”

SAN JOSE – Monday night saw the season premiere of “I’m a Celebrity… Get me Out of Here!”  Taking a chance, producers cast America’s Favorite Mutant, Bat Boy! Unfortunately NBC has edited him out of the premiere entirely, citing that his excessive mischief delayed production too much.

On “I’m a Celebrity…”, “celebrities” are flown to distant locations and compete to stay on the show.  The final celebrity left wins a generous donation to the charity of their choice and a brief extension to their 15 minutes of fame.  Among the hopeful and the desperate are Sanjaya Malakar, Janice Dickinson, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, and Rod Blagojevich’s wife Patricia.  During the filming Bat Boy caused a great deal of stress among the usually pampered would-be celebrities.

Set in the jungle of Costa Rica, Bat Boy was the only contestant who seemed comfortable in the environment.  Shooting of the first scene was delayed when Sanjaya declared a “Hair Emergency”, and spent two hours with his makeup team letting his hair adjust to the humidity.

Spencer Pratt fainted from shock the first time he saw Bat Boy, and hit his head on a rock.  Pratt, known for starring on The Hills and his creepy flesh colored beard, is hoping to establish himself as a respected artist within the Hip Hop community.  His wife, Heidi Montag, missed the entire incident as she was tweeting on her blackberry.

At the first competition Bat Boy made several enemies by easily completing an obstacle course before anyone else, then went back to cheer everyone else on.  Since Bat Boy cannot speak, all the celebrities saw was a young mutant excitedly screeching and waving his arms at them, which they mistook for intimidation.

Janice Dickinson suffered a severe trauma when in the tropical sun several of her facial augmentations began to melt.  Seeing this, the preadolescent Bat Boy screamed and ran terrified into the woods.  After five hours production assistants could not find him and filming had to go on. Upon knowing a half bat mutant found her face terrifying Dickinson began to drink more heavily than usual.

Since he went missing early on in the season NBC decided to edit footage of Bat Boy out of the show entirely.  Reports have come in of Bat Boy being sighted outside of major tourist destinations in the area, enjoying the weather and catching mosquitoes.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA – After dumping recent boyfriend, Paris is going where no human woman as gone before.

Paris Hilton was in a well-publicized long-term relationship with Good Charlotte guitarist Benji Madden. After weeks of speculation, the pair announced that they had gone their separate ways.

Never one to be out of the spotlight for long, Paris has quickly dusted herself off and found a new man. Sort of…

Last night, Paris was spotted at LA eatery Mr. Chow with the one and only Manigator!  What brought her over to the reptile side? His cool demeanor? Crass sense of humor?

It couldn’t be his manners, as he was seen snapping at the sweet and sour shrimp and loudly washing it down with the Chinese beer Tsingtao.

Some gossip columnists are hinting that Paris is only dating the mutant for publicity, but eyewitnesses say she was totally charmed by his rough Southern ways. Anything seems possible these days. Heidi Montag married the Invisible Beard Man.