WASHINGTON, DC – In a stunning response to the passing of Ricardo Montalban, Barack Obama has announced last-minute changes to his upcoming inauguration.

Obama revealed today that he would immediately scrap all Abraham Lincoln references at his inauguration and instead would deliver a new theme of “Fantasy Inauguration”. In adhering to this theme, Obama will be clad for all inaugural festivities in the white-tie popularized by Montalban in his role as Mr. Roarke on the long-running television series. Obama also made the shocking announcement that his half-man half-bat half-brother Obatma would attend the inauguration and serve as his Tattoo.

Obama’s official announcement paid tribute to Montalban and his legacy. The announcement also took many by surprise in Washington.

Obama explained, “Abraham Lincoln was a great man, but Ricardo Montalban and the work he did on Fantasy Island holds far greater personal meaning to me. The opening scenes of the show were even filmed in my childhood state of Hawaii.”

He continued,  “America is a place, like Fantasy Island, where your dreams can come true. Sure, there is a price for making those dreams happen. That price is what we call ‘taxes’. My job as President, much like Mr. Roarke’s job on ‘Fantasy Island’, is making sure you get your money’s worth in making your dreams happen. Think of me as the new Mr. Roarke. The man who is going to make your dreams come true. This is truly America’s Fantasy Inauguration”.

Asked whether there would be a role for Ken Berry in the inauguration, Obama refused to speculate.

Obatma, Obama’s half-brother, was unavailable for comment.

NEW YORK, NY – New York state, desperate for money, has agreed to sell Coney Island to the Merpeople.

After realizing that recent tax increases would not be able to bring in enough income, Governor Paterson sent word to the Merpeople to help raise extra funds for the state.

The Merpeople have been looking into buying property for the past several months after signing a major deal with BP for oil rights.  With their new found wealth, they are looking into acquiring a vacation resort which they can sink below water and use.  Talks with Hawaii, Ibiza, and the Jersey Shore have all fallen through.

Governor Paterson offered the underwater race the option of purchasing Coney Island, a popular vacation destination whose future has been uncertain for some time now.

Coney Island, a famous haven for sideshow culture, is surprisingly resistant to being annexed by a race of Merpeople.  A petition against the sale was signed by 99 of the local sideshow performers and nailed into the nose of Jim-Jim the Undying.  One man said, through a mouthful of broken glass, “Our issue isn’t with mer-culture.  We just don’t want to lose our homes when they bring the island underwater.”

Earlier this week a meeting was held where representatives from City Hall and the Kingdom of Merpeople came together to finalize the deal.  A human-oddity chain was formed around the proceedings and the protesters sang “Give Freaks a Chance.”

Governor Patterson tried to throw in Staten Island to sweeten the deal; however, no one wants Staten Island.

At a shocking press conference this morning, Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama announced that he has a half-man half-bat half-brother.

The boyish looking half brother of undetermined age had been living in a cave in the Karura Forest outside Nairobi, until he was recently discovered by Dr. Robert Ndesango of Kenyatta University. Dr. Ndesango, who had been researching in the cave, was at first startled by the unusual boy, who quickly introduced himself as Obatma. Soon enough, the boy was showing him his part of the cave and pictures he’d drawn on the walls.

Tests indicate that the boy mutant is indeed Barack Obama’s younger half brother; the two share a father but have different mothers.

It was during the “gap” in his official itinerary in Israel that Obama took a military helicopter to Kenya to clandestinely visit his kin. The McCain camp had obtained pictures of Obatma and had threatened to release them to the nation if Obama did not own up to the mutant.

Senator Obama stood proudly next to the brother he claims to have first met on a trip to Kenya during the late 1990’s. Michelle Obama declined to attend the announcement and said through a spokeswoman, “That boy is strange. He will not be coming near my house or my kids.”

When asked how Obama’s half brother came to be a half-bat mutant, Obama said it was “a family matter that should remain private.”

Critics question if having a mutant brother could hurt him in the election. Obama replied “There is no greater bond than that of family. Turning my back on him would be like cutting off a limb. From the volcanoes of Hawaii, through the cornfields of Kansas and on to the caves of Kenya, I have lived the American dream and my unique diversity is what truly allows me to be so audacious in my hope.

“Obatma shares my DNA and will be uniquely qualified to understand some of the difficult issues facing mutants in this country and around the world.”

Will Bat Boy, the most famous mutant of them all, now come out and endorse Obama?

Senator McCain could not be reached for comment, but sources say he was glad that the intense discussion of Obatma now sweeping the nation would lessen the focus on whether his running mate, Governor Palin, may actually be a Palien hailing from a small planet east of the sun known as Wazeela.

CAMBRIDGE, MA – The shocking photo obtained by Weekly World News reporter Hideaki Tailor reveals that Obama revealed himself during his time at Harvard Law School.

In order to pay his way though Harvard Law, Barack Obama posed nude for several sessions of a figural drawing class.

Why had this been a secret for so long? Retired sculptor and art professor Lorraine Feinbaum explained, “Back then he only went by the nickname, ‘Stallion,’ as he was quite fit but slender.

“I was watching the debates the other night and thought Obama looked familiar. I dug through my old photographs and found this picture, and then I just put two and two together!”

The nude revelation in the middle of campaign is causing heart palpitations on either side of the aisle. Republicans are concerned he would take his clothes off for money, while Democrats have supported his decision.

“As the child of a working-class family, he did what he needed to do in order to get his first-class education,” explained Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House of Representatives.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In one of the most shocking moves of his candidacy run, John McCain has proposed selling Hawaii to Japan to help repair the economy, a leading Washington insider has informed Weekly World News.

“Basically, Senator McCain sees this as a quick and easy way to generate a huge bundle of cash,” stated the source, an upper-echelon State Department official with close ties to McCain’s inner circle.

“As everyone knows, the U.S. economy is hurting real bad. McCain figures that by selling Hawaii, he’ll be able to pay off a sizeable portion of the recent bailout of AIG while also generating funding for continuing military operations in Iraq, and quite possibly, a full-scale invasion of Iran.”

Initially, McCain considered putting up Massachusetts for sale, along with several other “blue” states. But after Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin pointed out such an action might trigger a massive popular revolt on the U.S. mainland, he decided to hang a “For Sale” sign on remote, isolated Hawaii.

“It’s so far away, that it doesn’t even seem like part of America anyway,” the Senator is alleged to have said at a campaign strategy meeting.

The campaign’s spokesman has been sure to point out that this has nothing to do with Hawaii being Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama’s home state. “It never occurred to Senator McCain, and frankly, we find it offensive that that is even being suggested.”

It is widely believed that Japan would outbid any other countries, including Canada, China and Australia, for ownership of the “Aloha state.”

According to a telephone poll of Hawaiian residents conducted last week, 98 percent described themselves as “extremely pissed” after being told about the Senator’s alleged plan.

“He’s so lolo!*” fumed Roy Kaena, a Honolulu native. When asked if he would be voting for McCain, he proclaimed “Not! I nevah.**”

*= “He’s an idiot”
**= ““Of course not! That is inconceivable.”

HILO, HI – Unidentified flying… Orcas?… or humpbacks?  Emily Walker woke up last night to strange noises that sounded like her garage door opening.  Thinking her husband was back early from a business trip, she ran outside.  What she was greeted with, however, was a flying saucer attempting to draw in a 44-ton whale with its tractor beam.

“The whale kept going up and down as the UFO was struggling to bring it on the ship,” said an oddly unaffected Walker.  After nearly five minutes of trying, the alien craft tried to whip the mammal up and instead lost its grip and flung the beast onto some rocks near the coast.