LOS ANGELES – Marisa Miller is giving up her career as a supermodel so she can become a Catholic nun.

Marisa Miller was born Marisa Lee Bertetta and was raised a devout Catholic. Throughout her childhood she was  considered a tomboy, hanging out with mostly male friends and having little to do with anything “girly.”  She was an altar-girl as a child, and soon became known in diocese for the remarkable way she rang her bells.  But it wasn’t until she attended Monte Vista Christian High School that she became obsessed with the work of Mother Teresa and with the idea of becoming a nun.

Miller’s path to becoming a Catholic nun was interrupted at age seventeen when she was discovered by two Italian modeling agents at a San Francisco cafe.  Her mother thought it would be a good opportunity for Marisa to go to Italy so she could visit the Vatican.  So off Marisa went – clutching her bible and her bikini.

Marisa never made it to the Vatican.  Even though she is notoriously shy, she soared to international fame after appearing in the first issue of Perfect 10 magazine in 1997.

Miller became disillusioned with the world of modeling and decided to move back to Manhattan Beach, California where she started a surfing school.   She had dreams of being the first Catholic nun to surf the Banzai Pipeline in Hawaii. She called it, “Jesus on the pipeline.”  But once again her nun dreams were thwarted.  Mario Testino found Miller in California and got her back into modeling.  She became a certified supermodel.  Marisa married Jim Miller in 2000, then divorced him and married music producer, Griffin Guess in 2006.

After taking the Lord’s name in vain numerous times, Guess finally accepted his wife’s decision and understood that she had to leave him so that she could honor her vows of poverty, celibacy and obedience.  Guess, himself, is now considering entering the priesthood, so that he and Marisa can meet on a “higher spiritual level.”

Marisa said she will still appear in future SI Swimsuit issues as well as an upcoming issue of Playboy – “Girls of the Convent.”

God is happy.

Sister Marisa pray for us.

SACRAMENTO, CA – At a press conference earlier this week, actor turned Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that California was in its own fiscal emergency. To help balance the budget, the Governor will start performing at children’s parties as his most popular character “The Terminator”.

On the steps of the Capitol Building, Schwarzenegger outlined his plans to help close the budget gap: state lawmakers would enter an emergency session to cut spending and raise sales taxes, while the Governor himself would start appearing at parties for children aged 5 and up.

Schwarzenegger showed up to the meeting in full make-up, as he was working a party at the Feldon residence later that afternoon.

“I was finally ready to let this character go but the needs of my people come first,” he said.  Reporters in the front rows could see a single tear fall from behind his signature black sunglasses.

For the right price, families can hire The Terminator for their own parties, where children can play “Hide or be Terminated”, get a ride on his signature Harley Davidson, or for an extra charge dunk him in a vat of water.  Adults will be able to hit him with a nerf bat while criticizing his fiscal policies.

Economists are hailing the immediacy with which Schwarzenegger will be able to put money into the state budget, since he is only paid in cash.

The meeting was called early so that emergency legislation could be drafted and Schwarzenegger could start squeezing into his old leather pants.