Right about now, Ted Kennedy’s in hell, and he’s madder than Michael J. Fox playing freeze tag!

I’m madder than Santa on a treadmill! You can have a Merry Christmas if you want to, but I’m miserable!

I’m madder than Howie Mandel with a rusty razor!

I’m madder than a flea on a soapy dog! There’s this crazy rumor going around the computers that I’m dead!

I’m madder than a mongoose at a cobra convention! If those lie-berals hate Sarah Palin so much, how come they keep talking about her?

I’m madder than a double-entry bookkeeper with a single-entry wife about all this Tom Daschle craziness!

I’m madder than a mongoose at a cobra convention over that Inauguration.

Ladies and gentlemen, that was the worst Inauguration I ever saw, and I was at the one where Eleanor Roosevelt wore a low cut ball gown and they ran out of eyewash.