LONDON – Prince William has selected a toupee for his April 29th wedding to Kate Middleton.

With the Royal Wedding coming up, many in Buckingham Palace have been panicked about what to do about Prince William’s hair – if there’s any left on his head by April 29th.

It’s a royal crisis!  Look at this recent photo of Prince William with Kate.  And this is a GOOD hair day for the Prince.:

There were Royal meetings held to discuss what to do about his hair.  The Queen thought that Prince William should wear a hat the whole day and night.

Prince Charles, who hadn’t had hair on his head in decades, thought that a “quicky” hair transplant would do the trick.  He even offered to call the Bosley, the Hair Transplant specialists who did celebrities William Shatner and Dennis Miller.

Others, recommended that the Prince go for the shaved head look.  Prince Harry was particularly fond of that idea.  “I’d love to see Willy bald.  That’d be a gas,”  said Prince Harry.

After several long days of deliberation, the Royal family made an announcement this morning.

“Prince William will wear a Royal Toupee to his wedding,” Queen Elizabeth announced to a large crowd gathered outside Buckingham Palace.

The picture at the top of this article is William with the Royal Toupee.  Below is William without the toupee.

What do you think?  Does will the Royal Toupee work?

MUMBAI, INDIA – Eleven year old Pruthviraj Patil, the world famous Indian Wolf Boy, has taken the helm of the multi-million dollar company.

For the first time in its history, the Hair Club For Men has named a President that is not American.  “We are pleased to announce that Patil has agreed to take over the position,” retiring Hair Club President, Sy Sperling said in a written statement.  “I have been President and a client for nearly two decades.  I was nervous about stepping down, but with Patil taking the reigns, I know the Hair Club is in good, hairy hands.”

Patil, born with hypertrichosis, the wolf-man syndrome, began mysteriously losing his hair just after his 10th birthday.

“That’s when I joined the hair club for men.  Male pattern baldness is a genetic disorder that can be corrected by proper treatment,” Patil said through a translator.  “The Hair Club for men has been serving prematurely balding men for generations.  There really was no other option for me.”

Within a matter of months Patil saw increased hair growth and thickening especially on his face and rear-end.

“Areas like my lower back and calves had hair growth that I never had even before I started thinning.  The Hair Club for Men has really boosted my self-esteem and confidence.  People asked me why I would want to grow all the hair back, wouldn’t I want to look more normal.  They’re fools.  Ladies love a full body of hair.  And so do I!”  Patil said.

Reached for comment, Sperling told the Weekly World News, “It was very important for us, in searching for my successor, to find someone who not only has the capacity to run an international company, but also someone who appreciates our service and dedication to prematurely balding men.  I think it goes without saying that young Mr. Patil fits the bill perfectly.”

I was as happy as Joe Biden at a Hair Club for Men conference to see Sarah Palin crush Joe Biden in the VP debate last week.  Sarah had me at “Hey, can I call you Joe?”  It didn’t help that Joe-Tox had a look of surprise frozen on his face from the Botox and his recent eyelift. Joe talks about being a regular guy from Scranton, PA, but when I look around the room at my Elks Club meeting I don’t see many fellas with hair plugs, botox and a facelift.

I haven’t had a real crush since that candy-striper in the Korean War, but I found myself getting hotter and hotter for Sarah as the night went on.  How can you not love a girl who says with a wink, “Your plan is a white flag of surrender.”  That comment knocked Joe Biden to the ground like Rocky Balboa in Rocky VI.  Biden came in to the debate thinking that Sarah was an idiot and that dumb-ass was the one who limped out of the ring with the scars from his recent facelift busted wide open.

The next knock out punch came when Biden, who is supposed to be some kind of dang foreign-policy expert, had just given a long-winded explanation for how he voted in favor of invading Iraq but didn’t really mean for Bush to actually invade Iraq.  That Botox must have helped him keep a straight face when he told the American public that he of course realized way back then that it would be a very long and difficult war but he now opposes the war because it’s been too long and too difficult.

“Oh, man, it’s so obvious that I’m a Washington outsider and someone just not used to the way you guys operate,” Sarah Palin said with a look on her face like Biden had just offered her a dog turd sandwich.  It took me a while to get used to it, but now I am starting to love that Fargo-meets-Arctic accent.

Friends, let’s make sure we get out to vote so we can hear that accent often over the next eight years.  If Obama and Joe-Tox go to the White House, we are going to have every one of Obama’s America-hating ACORN and Weather Underground friends come out of their rat-holes and turn the good ol’ US of A into France before you can say “surrender”.