German Chancellor, Angela Merkel, has ordered Greece to seli its islands to raise cash to avoid default and bankruptcy.

“The Greek state must sell its islands and their top assets, like the Acropolis” said Jim Crawley, a leading member British parliament.  In an exclusive interview with WWN, Crawley said that German Chancellor Angela Merkel, along with President Nicolas Sarkozy, has issued her ultimatum to Greece and it will be make her demand public in the next few days.

Merkel feels that Athens must pay up for all the money it has received from the European Union to help it out of its debt crisis.

“The Greek islands are all Greece has to sell,” said an insider close to Merkel.  “They have no choice anymore.  Greece is now for sale.”

“England has already offered cash for Corfu,” Crawley told WWN.

Greece has around 6,000 islands off its coast, of which only 227 are inhabited, according to the country’s National Tourism Office website.  Merkel wants Greece to sell 90% of the island, including Corfu, Santoni, Crete, Rhodes, Mykonos, Paros, Ios, and Naxos.

Merkel is also ordering Greece to sell one of its prized possessions:  the Acropolis.

The cash-strapped country launched a fresh round of draconian austerity measures in a bid to rein in a ballooning budget deficit that is more than four times above EU limits, but even that is not enough.

Merkel will be meeting with Greek leaders on Friday to discuss her demands.

Donald Trump is looking to buy Crete, and Mark Zuckerberg (the Facebook billionaire) wants to pick up Corfu and Mykonos.  The island of Rhodes has offers from Jay-Z (who wants to rename the island ‘Blue Ivy”) and Tyler Perry has a “very serious” offer in on the Acropolis.

“Tyler really wants the Acropolis.   He wants to turn it into a museum for African-American heritage.”

Only 227 Greek islands are populated and ALL of those islands will be up for sale.

Merkel is being applauded across Europe for her vision and her strength in ordering the Greek isles be sold.

James Crawley told WWN, “We weren’t sure that Merkel was serious about this, but it’s clear about her ultimatum  to Greece and Great Britain backs her one hundred percent.”

Crawley has a bid in on the isle of Larcos, but may be  outbid by Hillary Clinton, who also has made a  bid for the Isle of Lesbos.

ROME – Italy is on the brink of financial ruin, so China has made an offer to buy Italy.

An embattled prime minister struggling to hold the government together. Rocketing public debt. An economy on the brink of collapse.   What are the Italians to do?

Become Chinese.

Italy is in dire political and fiscal shape.   The government of Silvio Berlusconi is collapsing as he continues clinging to power.  Italy is third largest member of the Eurozone.  It is weighed down with a runway public debt of $2.6 trillion, a figure more than 120 percent of GDP, Italy has indulged in a massive borrowing spree.

But China has come to Italy’s rescue!

They have made an offer to buy Italy (for 50 cents on the dollar).  Italy will become a colony of China and will be renamed Chitaly.  Pasta will be renamed “noodles.”

The Chinese plan on building a “great wall” between Rome and Vatican City – so the “Catholics don’t get out.”

The Chinese also plan on selling Sicily to Libya – some say they want to just give it away.

Chinese leaders said they will not tolerate the mafia in their colony and will be sending the Chinese Triad in to “clean things up.”

Other than that – and the fact that “monkey brains” will now be served in all Italian restaurants – everything else will remain the same in old “Italy.”

Book your first tour of Chitaly now!

Greetings Sentients!  Once again this is your most humble host and educator of all things epicurean MYGAR. 
With the changing of seasons upon us it falls upon me to share my knowledge of the best travel destinations on the planet.  Below is a list of the greatest destinations, and greatest deals for the trans-galactic traveler on a budget.  Enjoy!

Venice.  Hotels in the submerged portions of the city have been set up for water breathing life forms and are some of the best in this section of the galaxy.

Teotihuacan.  If you can travel through time, their restaurants in 40 bc were beyond delight.  And don’t forget to take in a ball game, even if you know who wins its fun to watch.  Even the contemporary ruins of this once glorious civilization are still a marvel and worth the trip.

Dixie County Florida.  Florida’s gulf coast is home to some of the planet’s best beaches.  Off the shore of Dixie Country Manatees gather each spring for poetry readings and philosophical debates that outsiders are welcome to attend.

Tempe Arizona.  Hyperdrive drag racing over the Arizona desert has been a tradition here for decades.  See the best of the best compete for bragging rights.  New laws have made it more difficult to harass the local population with probing.

Dollywood in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.  All Hail the retired empress of the Tulurgian Empire!  Since abdicating her throne some 40 years ago the former Empress has passed the time as a country and western singer and opened a self-styled theme park.  The funnel cakes are so good, you won’t care they’re made of people.

Thessaloniki, Greece.  Snorkel with the Kraken off the shores of this Mediterranean isle.  Enjoy dinner on a restaurant patio overlooking the cliffs where the local Sirens perform nightly.

London, UK.  Like most advanced life forms in the galaxy we all know the prophecy of what will happen to this great metropolis in 2012.  Book a space now to see the fireworks!

Dubai.  Due to a well concealed zombie outbreak no one else is here now.  And someone needs to stay in all those new hotels.

King William Island, Northern Canada.  Big game hunters will want to catch the Tuunboq, a giant snow monster which can eat humans whole.  Enjoy the psychic enhancing effects of being near the magnetic north pole.

Atlantis.  Due to a slumping economy visiting this sunken kingdom has become easier than ever.  Although some will claim that it has become overrun by the tourist market, a recent downturn in their economy has forced a great deal of scaling back and family owned businesses are making a comeback.

And that, my friends, rounds out my list of the best deals in travel for this lovely little planet.  Please explore this precious sphere in your own way and try to be patient with local lifeforms.

As always, your humble servant, MYGAR

Patra, Greece – An angry God fired two warning shots at a suburb of Patra, Greece, the Southeastern European nation’s third largest urban center.

There is no consensus as to why God decided to direct his ire on Greece’s “Gateway to the West,” or what His actual grievance is, but theologists are working around the clock to solve the mystery.

“Attacks from the Heavens usually come in the form of raining frogs, burning bushes, locusts… that sort of thing.”  Miraculously, nobody was hurt with the heavenly missiles, as most of the citizens were on the other side of town watching a soccer match.