ATLANTIC CITY – Invisible sharks are terrorizing beachgoers on the Jersey shore.

50 different shark species, or more than 10 percent of all known sharks, are luminous – invisible. This means they can produce and emit light from their bodies.

For some reason, many of these sharks have been prowling the shores of New Jersey.  And they’ve attacked over 276  beachgoers.  Many have lost arms, legs and, a few have lost their heads.

These vicious invisible sharks are completely invisible to the human eye.

Can you see the Great White Shark in this picture?:

And look at this poor  Jersey girl.  Can you see the big shark chewing on her torso?

The invisible sharks are nicknamed “the phantom hunter of the fjords”: the velvet belly lantern shark.

Jersey beachgoers have a different name for them:  “dinner.”  As Vinny Companelli said, “I want all those invisible things dead.  Dead!”

Even Snooki was almost attacked.  A small invisible shark leaped out of the ocean and almost bit her.  Luckily, there were some goombah’s there to save her.

Like most sharks, the mouth of the invisible sharks are on its underside, so the camouflage system allows the sharks to grab prey, such as krill and pearlfish, with invisible ease.

Similar to how lipstick makes a woman’s lips stand out more, the shark’s light may also turn on members of the opposite sex.

Great.  Just want New Jersey needs – horny  sharks.  Don’t they have enough?

SEASIDE HEIGHTS, NJ – Sharks celebrates the new season of Shark Week on the Jersey Shore.

Dun, dun… dun, dun… Shark Week is back on the Discovery Channel!  The channel introduced a live “Shark Cam” at 12:30pm ET today.  A great white shark, anxious to become a reality star, kicked off the week in a big way by going after the cast of Jersey Shore.

Snooki got away from the shark (but not the cops), but The Situation and JWoww were not so lucky. The great white actually came ashore and grabbed The Situation as he was about to put more hair gel on his head.  JWoww was busy telling fans how to be a guidette when the great white snagged her.

The Great White, who nicknamed himself The Schmoop, thrashed around with the two Jersey Shore stars in his jaws for about a half-hour, delighting both Discovery fans and MTV fans alike.  He then chewed them both up and spit them out.  Governor Chris Christie and New Jersey Italian-Americans celebrated the demise of the Jersey Shore stars by setting off fireworks and by giving The Schmoop a GPS Jersey Shore Locator to help him find DJ Pauly and the rest of the Jersey Shore cast.

The Schmoop, who spoke through a Shark Translator (Fonzi), told fans what the initials G.T.L.T., often used on the show, meant:   Guido Tastes Like Tuna.

Here’s some Shark party supplies if you want to celebrate The Schmoop and Shark Week.

Here’s a Shark Attack Survival Guide:

NEW ZEALAND – A great white shark has stunned scientists by performing an unprecedented act!

“Shack” is a great white shark known to frequent New Zealand waters and recently dove 1,200m below the ocean. Malcolm Francis, the principal scientist in charge of the tagging study, has called the dive ‘the world’s deepest great white shark dive record.” In addition, he says that the dive has extended the predators’ known vertical range by about 600 feet. Great white sharks have mainly been regarded as coastal predators.

New Zealand scientists tagged Shack and 24 other great white sharks with electronic “pop-up” tags at Stewart and Chatham Islands, over a five year period. The tags are used to determine location, depth and temperature wherever the sharks travel and are programmed to be release usually after 6-9 months.

Shack was hanging out in waters reserved for alien-like sea jellies and squids, along with fish deemed appropriate for your nightmares. Viperfish, fangtooth fish and gulper eels are just some of the creatures that inhabit such depths. Shack passed through the Mesopelagic Zone or “Twilight Zone” (600-3,300ft) and well into the Bathypelagic Zone or the “Midnight Zone” (3,300-13,000ft.).

“Before we started this work, five years ago, it was thought that great white sharks were cold water animals. But it seems the great white sharks are taking tropical winter holidays, departing New Zealand between April and September, for somewhere warmer. The maximum distance migrated was 3300 km,” said Francis.

NEW YORK, NY – A 2,000 pound basking shark washed ashore on a Long Island beach yesterday!

The rare appearance of a beached basking shark shocked Long Island residents. But despite its 20-foot length and ton of mass, humans have nothing to fear. The basking shark primarily feeds off of plankton, which it catches in its gaping mouth.

The shark was alive when it washed ashore at Gilgo State Park, but died shortly after. Officials were unsure how the shark died, but a necropsy will be performed on it today. It will then be buried in the sand.

Take a look at video footage of the beached shark, shot from a helicopter:

ATLANTA, GA – Following a trip to Australia where Anderson Cooper taped a shark special, he was treated to a surprise guest in the studio.

Cooper traveled to the coast of Australia to investigate the tourism destination increasingly popular for boat trips that offer the opportunity to swim with sharks without the aid of cages.

Argued to be both educational and entertaining, the pastime has been under critical review for many years.

What Cooper expected to be a routine trip turned out to be much more when one of the sharks, a seven-year old female named Lorna, became infatuated with the silver-haired bachelor.

“Lorna is usually one of the less friendly sharks out there,” Captain Argul Sherman of the Swim With Sharks Boat Tour told reporters. “We were surprised at how playful she became after Anderson went for his swim. She kept swimming along side the boat, continually turning over to show her underside, a common mating practice in dolphins but rarely seen in sharks.”

Cooper, who planned to leave the smitten shark in Australia, never expected to see Lorna on the set of Anderson Cooper 360, especially not with a bouquet of flowers.

“The whole thing was very flattering,” Cooper said with a blush on CNN’s Morning Show. “During a commercial break I took Lorna aside and told her that she is very sweet and I enjoyed swimming with her.”

“I thanked her for the flowers but said that I didn’t see a future for us. I’m not looking for a relationship at the moment, and to be honest, she just isn’t my type.”

When asked what his type is, he tactfully dodged the question while slowly turning over a portrait of a very lovely wildebeest.