BEIJING – VP Joe Biden visited The Great Wall today and told the Chinese that The Great Wall “must come down.”

Vice President Joe Biden, known for his public-speaking prowess, made a gaffe-filled speech at The Great Wall near Beijing.

On his first full day in China, where Mr.  Biden is “building relations” with Chinese Vice President Xi Jingping, they headed to The Great Wall.  American and Chinese press were allowed to accompany the Vice President and listen to his opening remarks.

The Chinese were stunned when the Vice President opened his speech with “”Ich bin ein Berliner”  (I am a Berliner) – which was what John F. Kennedy told West Germans at the Berlin Wall in 1963.   The Chinese, who feel it is important to “save face” did not want to correct Biden and tell him that he was in China, not West Germany, or that is 2011 not 1963.

Maybe they should have stopped him, because the Vice President became even more animated and passionate.  He repeatedly slammed his fist on the podium and yelled, “Mr. Gorbachev tear down this wall!”

That was all  the Chinese President, Hu Jintao, could take.  He had his interpreter whisper in Biden’s ear telling the Vice President that he was in China.  The Vice President was unfazed.

“I know I am in China.  I think this wall has to come down so that the Egyptians can once again have access to the Gulf.  Mr. Jinato, tear down this wall!”  The Vice President then stepped off the podium and tumbled down six flights of stairs on The Great Wall.

Mr. Biden continued the rest of his relationship-building trip.  He attended The Good Will games and watched an exhibition game between American and Chinese basketball teams. .  After Biden got up and, cheering on the Americans, shouted  “kill these Chinese, kill ‘em baby!”

The incredible fight between the Georgetown University men’s basketball team and the Bayi Rockets forced the game on Thursday night in Beijing to end early.
Players exchanged blows, chairs were thrown and spectators tossed full water bottles as players and coaches headed to the locker room.

Biden later told the Chinese – “see, if you tear down the wall, this kind of thing won’t happen again.   It’s time to stop playing chopsticks and time to start putting some Kung Pow on that Wall.  Capisce?”

Biden will be in China for the next ten days.

Here’s the brawl that Biden started:

With unemployment rates about to hit the highest numbers since the Great Depression, Americans are leaving in droves to find work in one of the few places still hiring: China.

Chinese industry is one of the few in the world that hasn’t slowed down.  The worlds demand for cheaply made crap is still on the rise, and shows no sign of slowing.  Day and night their factories work away, fueled by coal and immigrants seeking a better life.  Inside the air is thick with tar fumes and hope.

American families who lost their jobs and their homes are finding new lives in Shanghai and Beijing.  Midwestern housewives are getting jobs putting lead in children’s toys.  For hours on end they slave away in factories so they can send money back home, so their children can buy the same toys.  Laid off auto workers are finding opportunities doing hazardous labor considered too dangerous to risk damaging expensive machines with.

China is starting to retaliate against the dramatic influx of Americans.  Store owners are putting signs in shop windows “No Americans Need Apply.”  Citizens in some areas are concerned of their own culture being overrun.  The Chinese government has had to intervene, imposing limits on how many Americans are allowed to enter the country per day.  Still every day thousands more arrive desperate for whatever work is available.  Some checkpoints have been nearly overrun by riots, which the government insists did not happen.  Still the Americans wait outside of the Great Wall, most because they don’t know there are other places to enter the country.

As more and more Americans pack up their belongings and leave for China, entire cities are turned into ghost towns.  It is rumored that entire state of Michigan is completely empty, however no one has bothered to check.

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL – Middle aged pop singer Madonna is at the center of controversy again for being seen with a Brazilian model names Jesus.

Despite rumors of being in a relationship, Weekly World News reporters have discovered that the two are actually planning a nativity scene.

Madonna, recently off her walker after breaking her hip on stage, is planning on staging a multimedia interfaith Nativity Scene for release on her website.

Leaked shooting scripts describe an opening video, shot on a sound stage in London, with Madonna and Alex Rodriguez portraying Mary and Joseph traveling to Bethlehem.  The two mount a donkey wearing a burkha, underscored by an acoustic version of “Like a Virgin.”

The travel sequence will be projected on to the side of the Catedral Metropolitana in Rio De Janeiro, the Great Wall of China, and Mount Rushmore on Christmas Eve.

Broadcast live on the web, Madonna and the hunky Jesus will complete her artistic vision in front of an audience in Glasgow.  In a highly choreographed number, Madonna will use interpretive dance to tell the story of a promised savior, which will be translated into sign language by people dressed as Vishnu, Gilgamesh, and Luke Skywalker.

In a manger that greatly resembles Islam’s Dome of the Rock, Madonna will give birth to the sexy 24 year old Jesus while the audience is sprayed with Kabbalah water.

A Rabbi, a priest, and a Pentecostal minister will shepherd on dancers in livestock costumes designed by Julie Taymor.  Each animal will have PETA slogans written on their sides.  Actors dressed as Buddha, Confucius, and Brigham Young will come bearing gifts after following a star created from a volcano by Lord Xenu.

The performance will culminate in all the characters dancing to an electro-house version of Ave Maria, serenaded by the Vienna Boys Choir dressed as angels and suspended from the ceiling on cables.

The Pope has not prepared his reaction yet.