JUNEAU, AK – Sarah Palin has landed the cover of Portfolio’s April 2009 issue with a photo of her wearing a Bigfoot skin coat, and she is not pleased.

Joe McGinniss’ cover story, “Palin and Wildlife: The Cold Hard Truth”, focuses on her terrible track record when dealing with wildlife conservation. She has opposed strengthening protections for beluga whales and polar bears, and has encouraged the control of wolf populations through promoting bounties and aerial hunting.

But the most damning charges pertain to the treatment of Sasquatches in Alaska. As loyal Weekly World News readers may recall, Sarah Palin posed with a Bigfoot she shot dead from a helicopter.

Since then she has constantly battled with conservationists over placing them on the Endangered Species list. As a seemingly provocative move, Portfolio used a photo of Palin wearing a Bigfoot skin coat, possibly the skin of the creature she shot last year.

Palin spokesman Bill McAllister has already released a statement about the piece: “Show me one shred of truth for this accusation: ‘Palin has systematically targeted the Sasquatch population time and time again.’ Senator Palin’s first and foremost responsibility is to the citizens of Alaska. She must protect them and their livelihood from these creature.”

“If that means not bending over backwards for radical conversationists, then so be it. She is ready and willing to take on their criticism, when it is fair and factual.”

Ashley Judd, a recent foe of Palin, is already planning a new video with the World Cryptid Federation in order to bring Palin’s treatment of Sasquatches to light. Judd will shoot on location in Alaska, where she will be filmed handfeeding a pack of Sasquatches Twinkies to prove they are not dangerous.

FORT MYERS, FL – Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin, daughter of Governor Sarah Palin, have broken up.  Now Bristol has been spotted with notorious ex-con Manigator.

Inside sources say that Bristol’s family would not let Levi in their home to see the baby, and often referred to them as “white trash,” based on his mother’s recent methamphetamine conviction and the family trailer going into foreclosure.  This only fueled their breakup.  Determined to further anger her parents Bristol went looking for someone even trashier, the half-man half-alligator Manigator.

Recently Bristol happily posed for photographs on the arm of former convict Manigator at a south Florida T.G.I. Fridays.  The couple seemed to be enjoying themselves; Bristol fed him curly fries most of the night and Manigator kept motioning for ‘high fives’ from anyone who walked by him, shouting, “Milf!  Barely Legal Milf!”

Palin’s breakup with former fiancé Levi Johnston comes as a surprise to the news media.  In a phone interview with Johnston, held at a payphone since his line had been disconnected, he confirmed that they had split up for “mutual reasons” and still “remain friends.”

Like many breakups, this one will include tattoo removal.  Levi will need to have removed the name Bristol he had tattooed on his ring finger.

When Manigator was asked if this was all simply a publicity stunt he stared at the reporters blankly then shouted “Look at them curves!  Sexy Momma curves and she ain’t runnin away!”  He proceeded to slap the seated Bristol’s thigh hard enough she made a face.

The young Ms. Palin went on to say that allegations she makes it “nearly impossible” for Levi to see the baby are untrue.  In fact neither of them have seen the baby in weeks, as it is usually being taken care of by a team of nannies or used as a political prop by Governor Sarah Palin.

After already admitting that abstinence only policies do not work, Bristol does not feel her situation should reflect poorly on teenage marriages based on unplanned pregnancies.

Upon leaving the restaurant an equally drunk and elated Manigator was heard to say “Nah man, this woman loves me! She LOVES me, man!” as Bristol struggled to lift him into a car to drive him home.